Forgiven
by Kris6
Summary: Finished! Tell me what you think.
1. Things Fall Apart

Forgiven

Disclaimer: I kidnapped them and now they must do exactly as I tell them. Not really, but wouldn't that be...interesting.

Summary: When something bad happens, Jessie blames herself. 

Rating: PG? Just language if anything.

Pairing: None really...yet. Focuses on Jessie's guilt over her mother's problems and her relationship with her family. Katie shows up later though...:)

Spoilers: Season three-ish. Karen doesn't become roadkill, and Jessie and Katie haven't met yet. Karen's still in her depression Grace and Jessie still don't get along. 

Author's Note: Part one of I don't know how many. Let me know what you think, this is my first fic. And, thoughts are in _italics_. One more thing, I have like an obsessive disorder, or so it seems, and I have, like, three other stories in the making. Just warning you in case it takes me a little while to update them.

Jessie is looking out a car window, letting her mind wander, watching the people and landscape blur together. She watches Grace totally focus on the road and sighs. _I hate Grace. Probably because she hates me for absolutely no reason. She's probably thinking of different ways to off me. _She smiles slightly and giggles after realizing the absurdity of that idea while she focuses back out the window. Grace glances at her, but Jessie doesn't notice, she's too busy off in her own little world. 

"Freak," Grace mumbles under her breath, clearly confused and frustrated at the other girl's strange outburst. 

Jessie takes no notice and continues with a melancholy expression spread across her features. Her expression further clouds over as she suddenly gets a feeling of apprehension. _I hope mom is all right. _She thinks, more trying to convince herself. She then closes her eyes, holding back the tears threatening to spill over. _Something bad is going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it._ Leaning her head against the window, she closes her eyes, letting a few trickle out and lets her world fade to black.

"Jessie." A voice says in a frustrated tone, shaking her. "Jessie!" She quickly sits up straight, wondering what just happened. "Good morning sunshine," Grace grumble mockingly, rolling her eyes. Jessie just stares at her in confusion a moment and wondering when, exactly, she fell asleep. "I hope you're planning on cleaning your drool off my window," she grunts.

"Yeah," she replies awkwardly and grabs her things. _Yippee! Another fun-filled hour of therapy_.

"No, Grace, why don't **_you_** shut up?" Is what Rick and Lily hear as the two girls walk up to the house. They walk in still bickering as Rick and Lily try to tune them out. 

"Why don't you kiss my-"

"Grace!" Lily cuts her daughter off.

"I just...well she...I'm sorry," she mutters after failing miserably to come up with a good excuse. 

Jessie hides a triumphant grin. She carefully slinks out of the kitchen unnoticed. However, that wretched feeling of anxiety hits Jessie again like a hurricane. All of a sudden, her knees give out from underneath her. The commotion in the kitchen continues as Jessie shouts, "Dad!" Sounding full of fear and worry.

The whole brood rushes in with even Grace trailing and showing a mild interest in whatever is going on with Jessie. _What now?_ She rolls her eyes and folds her arms across her chest.

"What is it honey? Are you okay?" Rick asks, concern drawn all over his face. 

"Jessie, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Lily pipes in.

Jessie stands and tries to assess this sudden bombardment of questions. She looks at Rick and grabs him by the sleeve to drag him back into the kitchen, leaving a mystified Lily and Grace in their wake.

"Jess...what are...are you feeling-" he stammers as he's being drug away.

"I'm fine but, something happened," she catches the fearful look on his face and decides to rephrase. "I think something happened at mom's." The color drains out of her face and she hangs her head down.

"Do you want to call her or something sweetie?" He asks slowly and carefully.

She pops her head back up and asks hopefully, "Can you take me over there?" Jessie flashes a small smile.

_She looks so sad._ He can't say no to that. "Sure honey." _We'll get there and she'll see that everything is fine._

"Mom!" Jessie shouts flying through the front door while Rick waits for her in the car. "Mom?" She repeats a little more panicked. She rushes through the house looking for her. _Where could she be? Her car is in front._

Slowly, she makes her way upstairs. It's dark and hot up there, yet Jessie still gets a chill. She walks up to her mother's room. The door is slightly ajar and she pushes is open. Inside, the room is dark except for a small opening in the shades. The light is gently spread across the room. Not a lot of light, but enough to see the horror before her.

Jessie follows the trail of light with her eyes. It sends her to her mother's face. She looks at her mother's sleeping form. _Good. She's all right._ She smiles and shakes her head at being so paranoid. Quietly, Jessie creeps to the side of the bed. She takes her mother's hand in her own and bends down to kiss it. However, Karen's hand is cold. Worriedly, Jessie looks around the room to figure out whatever happened. Over on the dresser she spots an empty bottle of prescription pills. _Not good. _ The information sinks in and hits her like a ton of bricks. _Oh. My. God. _Frantically she checks for a pulse. _Good. _She finally lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding in. 

_What is taking her so long?_ Rick wonders while still waiting in the car. He's beginning to wonder if Jessie was right about something being wrong. It was his turn to be worried now. Rick got up and cautiously made his way to the house. 

Now realizing that she had to get help, Jessie came barreling down the stairs.

"Jess? Everything all right?" Rick shouted as he opened the front door. He shook her out of whatever mindset she was in and she tripped mid-step on the staircase. She went tumbling down the steps head-first. Rick came running over to where Jessie landed. "Oh honey! I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He asked. "I am so sorry. I didn't know what was taking so long and I got worried. Are you all right?" 

"Dad! Mom is NOT all right!" She cried out with tears beginning to find their way down her cheek. He was caught off guard by her outburst. 

"What happened?" He asked slowly, not knowing what kind of reaction to expect. 

"She...I went up and...I didn't...I...the pills...and she..." Jessie couldn't finish through her tears. Suddenly she found it hard to breathe and began to hyperventilate. She sat down, looked at her father and pointed up the stairs toward Karen's room. "9-1-1" Is all she could manage at this point with the tears streaming down her face.

In the waiting room, Jessie is sitting with her head in her hands. She can't bring herself to look at her father. He tried to comfort her, talk to her, but she just moved to the opposite side of the room. _This is all my fault. I should have gotten there sooner._ Tears welled up and sprung to her eyes, she started sobbing again.

"Jess," Rick said and Jessie looked up with a pathetic look of sadness flashing through her eyes. "This wasn't-"

"Karen Sammler?" A man in his late 20's interjected. He looked up from his clipboard to notice a sullen nod from Jessie. The man' s heart sank as he saw the look on this girl's beautiful young face. Looking at Rick, he started, "I'm Dr. Hartford." He paused taking in their expressions. 

"Is she going to be okay or not?" Jessie suddenly shouted impatiently, jumping out of her seat. Obviously not expecting this outburst, he was taken a little aback.

Slowly, but pointedly, turning to Rick, the doctor began, " Your wife-"

"Ex-wife!" Rick corrected too quickly. He didn't notice Jessie wince at his saying that._ It's been nine years, so what? It still hurts._ She reasoned to herself.

Dr. Hartford, however, did notice her pained expression. He hated to twist the knife, but he had no choice. " It seems that Mrs. Sammler had an overdose on several pain killers, including Percaset, Demerol and Valium." He breathed in. Jessie immediately fell back into her seat, dazed. Slowly, he added, "She is currently in a drug-induced coma."

The doctor studied her for a moment. She just sat there not moving, not crying, not...reacting. For a moment she seemed to not be breathing. Suddenly, her head shot up. Jessie cried out a choked gasp-scream. Rick and Dr. Hartford jumped back as she got up and escaped unsteadily down the hall toward the rest room. Both men shared a look and both resisted the urge to go after her. _Intriguing. _Thought the doctor.

Jessie decide to seek out refuge in a bathroom stall. Leaning against the door, she proceeded to sink down to floor. Her body was shaking with sobs. 

_God! I should have been there. This is all my fault. _She pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face in them.

For a while, she just sat there rocking back and forth. Every once and a while she would futilely dry her tears. She had no idea how long she was in there, but it must have been a long time.

"Jessie?" She heard from her own personal hiding spot. _Great!_ Jessie rolled her eyes, but didn't answer. "Jessie, I know you're in here," Grace said with a sigh.

"No, I'm not, so piss off," Jessie grumbled through her knees and refusing to move.

"Jess, if you don't get your ass out here now, I will have to force you out," she ground out.

"Like what? Bitch me out of the bathroom?" She retorted. Grace rolled her eyes while standing close to the door.

"Look. I didn't want to come here. Mom had to drag me. She made me come in here to talk to you and try and get you out," she spewed out then sighed.

After a slight pause Jessie said, "How much is she paying you?"

Sensing the smile in her voice, "Not enough." With a more serious tone, "Stop being a hard-headed little shit and get out here."

Oh, now that pissed Jessie off to no end. To Grace's chagrin, Jessie flung the door open into her face. As she closed the stall door behind her, she revealed Grace holding her, now bleeding, nose. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said feigning regret. "I guess it's a good thing you're in a hospital." She turned to go flashing a 'how-do-ya-like-me-now?' grin. Grace found that look to be quite hit-able, but, alas, she couldn't do it through holding her nose.

"Bitch," she mumbled as Jessie walked out the door.

Jessie's self-satisfied demeanor disappeared immediately after turning away from Grace. She cast her eyes downward, then, she walked right into Lily. 

"Jessie, hi," Lily stated, startled. "Are you alright? Where's Grace?" She reached out to put her hand on Jessie's shoulder, but she moved away, avoiding Lily.

Almost as if on cue, Grace walked out of the bathroom, holding her nose with her head tilted back. Jessie slinked away before she could be accused of anything. Lily's attention fell on her own daughter. 

"Grace, honey, what happened?" She nodded toward a hastily retreating Jessie.

Not wanting to cause Jessie any more problems than necessary, for the time being, she covered. "It was an accident, she hit me with the stall door. I'm fine," she lied. Lily knew it was a lie, but didn't want to deal with it.

"Can we go see her yet?" Jessie breathed out exasperated. This caught her father and Dr. Hartford's attention.

"Jessie, is everything...Are you-" Rick tried, but was cut off.

"Can **_I _**see her yet?" Jessie growled out to the doctor, cutting off her father.

"Uh...she's still...you can't..." he noticed the daggers she was shooting in his direction. "Yeah, you can see her," he gave in. "But she is still unconscious," he added. She nodded glumly and followed down the hall. Slowly she turned to see her father sit back down. _Asshole. He isn't even gonna see how she is?_ With the pissed off look she seemed to have adopted, Jessie flipped around and continued down the hall to visit her mother she believes to have let down.


	2. Guilt

Jessie walked into the room where her mother was in. All of a sudden, all of her anger and rage she was feeling was thrown out the window. It was replaced by guilt and uselessness. After all, her mom is in a coma and she can't do anything about it. She moved to her mother's side and sat in a nearby seat. A pensive expression took over her face as she watched her mother lie in that hospital bed. _I haven't seen her look this peaceful in a long time._

"Hey," Eli stated hesitantly, he heard how snippy Jessie had been and he didn't want to catch the tail end of her fury. He smirked at the though of Jessie giving Grace a bloody nose though. Quickly he erased it before Jessie saw it. It wouldn't have mattered, she didn't even hear him. "Jess," he started reaching out toward her. Once his hand touched her shoulder, she jumped out of her seat onto Eli, knocking them both over. She was lying on top of him, giving him a questioning look. 

"What are you doing?" She asked. Seeing the questioning look, she got frustrated. "Well?"

"What are you talking about? **_You _**jumped on **_me_**!" He shouted defensively. 

Eli was still pinned under her and she was pissed off again. She had a look of pure venom as she looked at him. His aggressive demeanor vanished instantly and was then replaced with a 'deer-caught-in-the-headlights' expression. In the most painful way imaginable she got up. Jessie put one hand on his chest and one knee in his stomach, making sure to push real hard as she stood up. His grimace and moans were worth it she decided. 

"You scared me," she said simply. "Next time give me some kind of warning." She shrugged her shoulders and sat back down next to Karen. Eli mumbled a few mild obscenities, all of which escaping the ears of Jessie, who was lost in her thoughts again. He glanced from Jessie to Karen before walking off down the hall holding his stomach and coughing.

"Look, it's 12:30 already," Rick reasoned. They were still at the hospital and Jessie really didn't want to leave. "Jess, come on! She'll still be here tomorrow, you can visit her then!" Without realizing it, he had ripped out his daughter's heart. One look at her fallen face made him realize what he just did. _Good job Ricky! Open mouth, insert foot._ He gave himself a swift mental kick in the pants.

"What does it matter for then? Why would it matter if I came at all?" She cried out. "Obviously you don't give a damn whether she lives or dies anyway!" Rick was crushed and winced at her harsh words. "You also don't give a shit about me either. She is my mother and I **_need _**to be here for her. Don't you understand that?" 

He looked into her pleading eyes brimming with tears, threatening to overflow. "You have school tomorrow," he defended feebly. The doctor, who was listening nearby, chose this moment to intervene. 

"Your father is right Jessie. There really isn't much that can be done at this moment. It would be better for you, and your family, if you just went home and tried to get a good night's sleep. You can see her tomorrow," Dr. Hartford said. This earned him a slight smile of appreciation and a mouthed 'Thank You' from Rick.

Jessie caught the exchange. "Yeah right," she said, eyeing them both. She sighed, rolled her eyes and walked off mumbling something about a conspiracy. Rick shook his head and turned toward the doctor.

"Thank you for that," he said while nodding down the hall at his retreating daughter.

"It was nothing. She certainly is...um...spirited isn't she?" He asked referring to her behavior. 

"I've honestly never seen her like this," Rick sighed. He then looked at the doctor. "Looking forward to seeing her tomorrow?" He joked.

"I'm petrified," Dr. Hartford smiled.

The drive back was tense and silent. Since Eli already took Zoe home, Grace and Jessie had to share the backseat. About halfway home, Grace cast Jessie a dirty scowl as she held her throbbing nose. Sensing the look, Jessie turned to Grace and gave her a mocking smirk. 

Grace was furious. She couldn't, however, do anything seeing as how their parents were right there. Her brows arched into a more menacing glower. "Bitch," she mumbled under her breath.

A bemused Jessie let out a small chuckle. **_Now_** she's thinking of different ways to off me. "What was that Grace? I didn't hear you." She decided to pursue the challenge in Grace's eyes. It certainly grabbed the attention of the parentals. Grace's eyes all but popped out of her head. Rick and Lily looked at the two feuding step-sisters. To avoid interrogation, Grace just shook her head. Code for 'nothing'. Jessie was very proud of herself, seemingly. _I hate my life._ She sighed and turned her attention to the window.

A puzzled Grace looked at Jessie. _She's not gloating nearly as much as she normally would be. Huh. _She watched Jessie's look turn from satisfied to melancholy in five seconds, record time. 

When they neared the house, Grace was practically to the door before the car could even stop. Rick and Lily went in after turning off the car. However, Jessie didn't even move. 

"Hey, Grace, where's Jessie?" Lily asked Grace, who was in her room reading.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" She responded bitterly without looking up. "She's not my kid," she added wryly.

"Grace," Lily scolded as if Grace was poking a furry animal with a pointed stick. "Can you look for her outside?" Grace rolled her eyes, put down her book and bounded downstairs. Lily heard Grace slam the door. She then went up to see if Jessie was in the attic. 

Jessie was sitting on a bench on the porch. The light wasn't on, so when Grace came out, she didn't see Jessie sitting there. Jessie certainly didn't want to talk to Grace about...well, anything. _I hope she leaves soon. _She sat there waiting for Grace to leave, she turned her attention back to her thoughts.

"Jessie!" Grace shouted out to avoid the actual looking process. She heard a thump followed by a grunt.

"Ouch! Damn it Grace, I'm right here," Jessie mumbled from the ground. She was startled by Grace shouting and she fell off the porch. Grace started to chuckle as Jessie was finding her way back to her former perch. "Ha ha," she mocked. Then, she quietly added, "So glad you find my misery amusing. I'll remember that when I'm chloroforming you in you're sleep."

This wiped the grin off Grace's face. She honestly couldn't tell if she was kidding or not._ Please let her be joking._ She then gave a nervous laugh. "Um, Mom was wondering where you were." 

"Whose mom?" She replied somberly. Turning toward Grace and seeing the questioning look, she said, "Never mind." Jessie got up and walked past a confused Grace.

"Er...um...Jessie wait!" She called a little too late, Jessie was already in. "I'm sorry..." she trailed off to no one in particular.

"Jessie, wake up!" Rick yelled from downstairs. He was a safe distance away to avoid the wrath of Jessie. He didn't hear any reaction. So, that left no choice but to go up. Cautiously, he went up as if she was going to pounce on him at any second. 

Rick went in. Upon looking around, he spotted her body huddled under the blankets. "Wake up, sweetie," he said. Unexpectedly, her hand shot out from under the comforter. The hand hit him in the face before migrating over to knock the alarm clock off the night stand. 

"Oh. Daddy, I'm sorry," she mumbled tiredly. 

He looked at her and said, "It's alright sweetie. Don't do it again," he added the last part sternly, but with a smile. "Get ready for school, okay honey?" 

As he was about to leave, Jessie's voice stopped him. "You're making me go in?" She looked incredulously at him. Judging by the 'duh' expression plastered on his face, she took it as a yes. "Shouldn't I go to the hospital?" She pleaded.

"No. Jess, you have to go to school," he was not budging this time. "I can take you in after I get home. Or, Lily can take you when you get back."

"Fine! Fine, whatever. Can you leave now so I can get dressed?" She was livid.

_Oh dear God. I better warn the household that hurricane Jessie is about to hit. _Rick retreated downstairs. 

"Hey Jess! Good morning," Lily greeted a little too cheerfully. Grace rolled her eyes and Zoe was counting the marshmallows in her Lucky Charms.

"If you say so," she responded trying to wipe the grin off her face. To her chagrin, it didn't work.

"Do you want some breakfast?" Lily offered. 

This caught Jessie off guard. "Uh, no. I'm fine," she answered carefully._ Okay Jess. Don't make any sudden movements and maybe she won't attack. _

"Are you sure?" She asked, a little disappointed.

"Positive!" She replied too quickly. "Oh! Look at the time. School, wouldn't want to be late, right?" 

She was halfway to the door, but Grace stopped her. "Did you want a ride?" She offered nonchalantly.

Jessie blew her lid. "God damn it! Have I entered Stepford or something?!" She cried out, frustrated. Scanning from person to person, she took in their shocked expression. Turning to Grace, "No, I'll take the bus," she answered as if her prior outburst didn't occur. Grace closed her dropped jaw long enough to nod. Jessie flashed a false smile, almost painful to watch. She flipped around and left.

"I told you not to be to nice. I told you to just leave her alone. But no, nobody listens to me because I'm only 11," Zoe scolded. Lily and Grace turned to her. "What? I was right, wasn't I?" She grinned and put her bowl in the sink and left.

"It's not our fault Jessie's been on edge lately," Lily pointed out.

"I know. It's Karen's," Grace ground out. 

"That's not fair, Grace. You know that," Lily half-heartedly defended Karen. She felt the same way.

"I'm not defending Jessie for anything," she started, obviously referring to her nose, "but how could Karen put Jessie through this." The look on Lily's face told Grace all she needed to know. "You don't know either. But you what **_do_** know is that it isn't right." She answered for her. "I've got to go, too." Grace grabbed her things. As somewhat of an afterthought, she added, "Are you taking Jessie to the hospital later?"

"I don't know. It depends on if she wants to go there," she answered. Grace picked up the fact that she meant 'go there with me'. 

She smiled at her. "Have a good day, mom."

"You too sweetie," she smiled back.

"Ms. Sammler, do you know the answer?" A short blonde lady asked .

"The answer to what, Mrs. Allen?" Jessie replied, shaken from her thoughts about her mother.

The teacher sighed. "What is the leading cause of death in the United States?"

_Suicide. No that's not it._ She shook it from her head. "Life?"

The woman was puzzled. "What are you talking about Ms. Sammler?"

_Nice one smart ass. How are you gonna pick yourself up from that?_ "Well, you can't die if you weren't alive in the first place," she answered, earning a slight chuckle from the class. Not a good recovery, but a recovery nonetheless. _Better to sound like a moron, than a morbid freak._

Mrs. Allen didn't know what to make of this. She knew what she really meant by the answer, she would ask her after class. "Okay, anybody else?"

Jessie breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank God she didn't harass me about it._ She returned to her thoughts, tuning out the class.

When the bell rang, Jessie was still lost in thought. She didn't get up until the teacher came over and tapped her on the shoulder. Jessie jumped and looked over. 

Smiling sheepishly, she said, "Sorry. I'm going now." She began to pack up her things.

"That's okay. Jessie, is everything all right?" She ventured out.

Instead of making a scene, like she would've done at home, she was taken aback. "What do you mean?" _Please don't let this be about what I think it's about. _She mentally crossed her fingers.

"Jessie, what did you mean back there?" She saw the puzzled face looking back at her. "About life being the leading cause of death?"

"I didn't know the answer. I thought that, even though it was wrong, it still made enough sense to be partially right," she was lying through her teeth. Mrs. Allen knew it.

"Jessie, what is going on?" She further pursued, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.

At this point, Jessie broke down crying. "My mom...she...she..." Jessie looked at the teacher, then the clock. "I have to go." She dried her eyes, grabbed her things, then left a very confused and concerned Mrs. Allen behind her.

Once Grace and Jessie pulled up to the house after school, Jessie couldn't get out of the car fast enough. She bounded into the house before Grace had even pulled into the driveway.

When she got in, she sought out Lily to give her a ride to the hospital. Grace wouldn't because Lily wanted them home right after school.

"Can you give me a ride to the hospital?" Jessie panted. She hated begging anyone for anything, especially Lily. 

"Uh, yeah. Hold on a sec while I finish dinner," Lily said.

"Fine. Whatever," Jessie responded impatiently. She hovered around Lily for a good half an hour before it was time to go. 

Lily turned around and said, "Are you-" Before she could finish her sentence, Jessie was out the door. "I guess that's a 'yes'." Grace snickered. "You be quiet," Lily teased. From outside, Jessie honked the horn with impatience.

"You're being called," Grace chuckled, returning to her homework.

They got there ten minutes later. "Karen Sammler?" Jessie asked the nurse once they got to the hospital. Even though they were there just last night, Jessie couldn't remember the room number for the life of her.

"Yes, um," she looked at her clipboard. "Room 329." The nurse smiled and walked off. Jessie gave a sad smile, then noticed the look Lily was giving her.

"What?" She said, the smile disappearing. Lily quirked an eyebrow. "God. It just so happens that 329 is Mom's birthday. March 29?" Lily continued to stare at her. "Whatever." She walked to the room alone. Lily knew that's what Jessie wanted.

On the way to the room, Jessie ran into Dr. Hartford. She stopped abruptly in her tracks. He looked at her, "Hey there Jessie," he saw the look in her face. It was the 'don't-talk-to-me' look. "Good news. Your mom woke up." He smiled. Her eyes grew wide and she hugged him.

"Thank you! When did she wake up?" She asked. "Can I see her?"

He smiled. _What a pleasant change from the edgy brooding girl I saw last night. _"She woke up about twenty minutes ago." Her smile faded a little. "Yes, you can see her," he said a little worried.

"Thank you," she hugged him again, smiled and walked off. _I'll kill Lily. I should have been here when Mom woke up. I let her down...again._ She continued to berate herself, not only for that, but for ignoring her before all this happened.

She reached the room, took a deep breath and entered. "Mom?" 

Karen was sitting in there, looking at the TV, but not really watching. She jumped. "Jessie? Oh, hi baby!" She really didn't know how to respond, the doctor told her that Jessie was the one who found her. She noticed the sad, tired look on Jessie's young face. _Oh God. I'm a bad mother. _

Jessie was looking at the machines and the tubes around her mother. _Oh God. This is all my fault. _With that thought, she burst into tears. "I'm...I'm...Mom, I...am...so... sorry!" She cried out between sobs. She ran over and held on to Karen like she was her lifeline. A bewildered Karen just held onto her troubled daughter wondering what the hell Jessie could possibly be sorry for. She couldn't ask though. She too was overcome with emotion and as she gripped her daughter, she also started to cry.

__


	3. Falling

Neither Jessie nor Karen had any idea how long they sat like that. They just sat there crying into each other's shoulders. Karen felt Jessie's body stop shaking and her breathing slow. Her legs were starting to go numb, so she lowered herself and her daughter to a laying position. Jessie hadn't let go of her, but she relaxed and Karen was able to breathe properly again.

She was lying there, studying her daughter's tear-stained face. It killed her to see that angelic face cloud over. It killed her even more to know that she was the cause of it. All of these thoughts led to another burning question. _What could she possibly be sorry about? _All Karen knew was that she had to wait for Jessie to wake up to ask. Karen wasn't about to wake up her daughter that obviously hadn't slept well in the last twenty-four hours.

__

"Jessie, how could you let this happen?" Karen asked Jessie. Karen stared at Jessie with a look full of disappointment and anger. "You should have been there. Why didn't you stop me?"

"Mom, I...I couldn't. I was-"

"Couldn't? More like wouldn't," her anger turned to sadness. "Don't you love me Jessie? You couldn't be there for me. When I needed you the most, you left me."

"No. I tried." Jessie sank down to her knees and started crying. She looked up with red, puffy eyes. 

Jessie was turning and mumbling. Karen held her close to prevent her from falling. "Jessie." She whispered. 

_Karen bent down, she cupped Jessie's face in her hands. Jessie covered her mother's hands with her own. Karen leaned into her ear and whispered, "Jessie."_

"Yes," Jessie squeaked out through her tears. 

"No," Karen replied. Jessie looked up, still holding Karen's hands to her face, she gave her a look of total bewilderment. "I can't forgive you," she whispered softly.

"Why not?" Jessie choked out, more tears falling.

"Because," she began slowly, "it's already too late." Her soft comforting smile turned into a menacing scowl. Her warm, gentle hands caressing Jessie's face became cold. 

"How? Too late for what?" She questioned, reluctantly pulling away.

Jessie was crying and sobbing into Karen's shoulder. She was drenched in sweat and mumbling gibberish into Karen's shoulder. Her grip was tightening, then loosening repeatedly. "Jessie," she tried again. It didn't work, Jessie was already in it too deep.

__

"Everything. It's too late for everything," Karen stated, letting go of her daughter. "Want to know the worst part?" She asked, not really expecting an answer. "It's all your fault."

"What?" Jessie whispered, too choked up to utter anything else to the contrary.

"It's all your fault," Karen repeated, almost in a singsong tone, mocking Jessie's torn expression. 

Jessie wouldn't object. She knew her mother was right. Was...is **always** right. Jessie's pleading eyes bore no sympathy. "Please, stop."

"Why? You didn't help me. You let me down," she said, Jessie's eyes welled up at the cold nature of this...this stranger. "You let me down, again."

"**No!**" Jessie bolted up and started screaming. Karen sat up too, terrified by her daughter.

Karen held her daughter, trying to comfort her. Jessie clenched onto her mother, crying relentlessly into her arms. "Honey, it's okay. It was only a dream."

"Mom, I am so sorry," she cried into Karen's arms. It was barely audible, but Karen understood. 

_This is it._ She breathed in, "What are you sorry for, sweetie?"

Jessie's body stiffened. She gripped onto Karen for dear life it seemed. Fresh tears made their way down her face. Drying her eyes on her mother's gown, she bunged up some of the gown's material. "I let you down," she barely managed to get the words out.

Karen certainly didn't expect that. She was at a loss. "Uh...I...How could...Jessie, I love you. You couldn't possibly let me down. How could...How could you even think that?" She was torn. _I am a bad mother. How could I let her believe that?_

"I should have been there. I knew something was wrong. I could have stopped it, and...and I didn't," she choked out.

"No, Jess, this is not your fault," Karen stated. Jessie couldn't look at her. Karen put her hands on each side of Jessie's face. She made her look into her eyes. "Now look at me Jess," she said sternly. "This is not your fault, okay? Nobody could have prevented this. It was an accident." She searched Jessie's eyes. It tore her apart. All she saw was pain, regret, guilt and a thousand other emotions tormenting those soulful gray eyes.

No matter how many times Karen said it, Jessie still believed that she could have, should have, done something. She took hold of her mother's hands and brought them down to rest at her sides. Then, she shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that Jess," Karen pleaded. "There is **nothing** you could have done. It was an accident."

She couldn't take it anymore. "You tried to kill yourself, mom!" Karen was taken aback. Jessie jumped out of the hospital bed and out of her mom's arms. 

"Jessie," Karen pleaded.

"No! I could have done something. Maybe if I hadn't ignored you. Or if maybe I had actually been there." She looked at her mom's expression. "I knew something was wrong yesterday, I felt it. I felt it and I did **nothing**. I did nothing, mom! And I knew. I knew." She turned away, she couldn't look at that face. Jessie couldn't look into the face of the person she betrayed. Karen looked at her daughter. She couldn't believe Jessie felt this way. "God," Jessie said incredulously. "What kind of person am I?" She still hadn't turned around. "What kind of person stands by and watches as the person they love is drowning in their own life?" She turned around to face Karen, Jessie's face bore the expression of someone who honestly believes that they don't deserve to live. "Huh?" She asked Karen. "How could I do that? I just let you become miserable with yourself, your life. That is not what a daughter should do. I should have been there for you. You needed me Mom. You needed me and I let you down."

"Jessie, no," Karen faltered after rediscovering her voice. "No, you didn't let me down. That would be impossible." Karen gave a slight smile through her tears. Jessie, however, didn't reciprocate.

"Mom, I didn't help you. I should have. I was too afraid...and selfish," she hung her head, missing Karen's stunned expression. Jessie looked up. "I was afraid to help because I thought I would make it worse. I was selfish because I was afraid to help." 

There were no words to describe the emotions that came crashing over Karen like a tidal wave. She was covered by a wave of overwhelming love. "Jessie, oh God. I love you so much." Jessie came over and the two embraced. Karen pulled away slightly and started to cover her daughter's forehead in kisses.

"Jessie!" Lily yelled from halfway down the hall. _Where the hell is room 329?_ _Oh, here we go._ "Jess?" She knocked slightly on the door before pushing it open.

"What?" Jessie grunted from her position in her mother's embrace. Karen looked at Jessie, then at Lily. She tried, and failed, to hide her amused look at Jessie's frustration at Lily.

"Uh, Karen, hi!" Lily smiled sheepishly, not realizing she was awake. She turned to Jessie, "Jess, we, uh, need to go. It's almost seven and your dad just called." Lily indicated to her cell phone. Jessie just shook her head and buried it into her mother's shoulder. Lily turned to Karen, her eyes begging for her to help her out. Karen shrugged, looked at her daughter and smiled.

"Jess," she whispered stern, but affectionately, "You should probably get going." Jessie looked up at her with a painful expression. "It's okay honey. I'll see you tomorrow." Jessie held the expression. _That didn't work._ Karen smiled, "They're letting me go this weekend, Friday." This earned her a small, forced smile. Karen decided just to let it go. "Bye sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow."

Begrudgingly, Jessie untangled herself from Karen's arms. She kissed her mom's forehead and gave her a sad smile before walking off. Lily just watched the exchange. _Nice. Break up a nice family moment. I think I'll go kick some puppies now. _She followed Jessie out, smiled at Karen and rolled her eyes at her stupidity. _Just had to push the 'Let's go' thing, didn't you?_

They left and Karen was left alone with her thoughts. _I hope Jessie will be all right. _She sighed and turned back to the TV, still not even watching.

"Hey Jess," Grace greeted from the living room. She turned around to see Jessie just looking at her. 

Jessie heard her, but didn't feel like talking. She faked a smile at Grace, then she turned to Lily. "I'm really tired. I think I'm going to just go to bed." Again, she faked a smile, it hurt her to even try. Then she turned and started to the stairs.

"Are you sure Jess? Are you hungry?" She pestered. Jessie shook her head 'no', but didn't turn around, she was about to cry again. "I could make you something." Jessie shook her head with vehemence. "Jess, are you feeling okay?"

Grace just watched, she wanted to bitch-slap her mother for harassing Jessie like that when she knew full well that Jessie wasn't feeling all right. _Mom, please just shut up. _She continued to watch as her mother kept trying to pigeon-hole her. "Jess?" Lily walked over to Jessie and tried to put her hand on her shoulder. However, Jessie sensed it and moved away before it could happen. 

Talking slowly to keep her voice steady, "Don't touch me," Jessie said in a threatening tone. She stalked upstairs and shouted, "Leave me alone!" She then slammed her door shut. 

"Jess," Grace knocked lightly on the door. "Can I come up?" She stood there a moment waiting for an answer. "Jess?"

"Fine! God, coronary much?" She grumped on her way down the steps. Grace waited patiently for Jessie to unlock the door. She never knew Jessie to lock it before. "Well? What do you want?"

Grace looked at Jessie, she had been crying. "Can we just talk?"

_Oh no! What the hell does she want to talk about? _She looked at Grace. "Sure," she mumbled and cleared the way for Grace to enter. Once she was on her way up, Jessie shut the door. Then, she proceeded to follow up the steps. "Well?" Jessie asked impatiently, crossing her arms. 

"I...um...well. I wanted to see how you were doing," Grace lied. There was more to it than that, but this was a good start.

"Fabulous. Can't you tell?" Jessie stated sarcastically, rolling her eyes. Then she looked at Grace. Her expression softened at the sincere expression looking back at her. She let her arms fall to her sides. "Why do you care anyway?" Jessie sighed.

Grace now had a disbelieving look to her. "You're kidding, right?" _Judging by the look you're giving me, I guess not._ "I'm worried about you. With everything going on, I know that this has to be hard for you." 

Jessie stood there. "What do you mean 'everything'? There's not all that much going on." The nonchalant sound wasn't all too convincing, especially to Grace. 

"Jessie, your mom is in a coma. That isn't exactly what I call 'nothing'!" Grace shouted. 

Jessie looked at her and shook her head. "She woke up today. She's fine. She's coming home in two days. Everything will be fine," she said the last part slowly. _It won't be fine._ Jessie looked at Grace, hiding the fear in her eyes.

"She woke up?" Grace replied uncertainly. Jessie just nodded and plastered a false grin on her face. _If she woke up, why is Jessie still sad?_ Grace said reluctantly, "Okay." She started to walk off.

Jessie let out a sigh of relief. Then, Grace turned around, "Oh, Jess," she started, "Are you coming down for dinner?" 

Jessie cringed. "No. I'm just really tired," she yawned for emphasis. Grace nodded and went back downstairs. Grace felt no more satisfied than when she went down. In fact, she was more positive now that something was wrong.

**Beep! Beep! Beep!** **Wham! **Jessie's alarm hit the floor. Hard. She glanced at her watch from under the covers. _Figures. Soon as I get to sleep, the damn thing has to go off. _Her head popped up from under the blankets, she squinted at the light in her eyes. _Morning again, yay._ She fell out of her bed and landed with a thump. "Oww." Jessie got into a sitting position, rubbing her head. Then she began to get ready for school.

She was slowly making her way down the stairs, dragging her book bag and letting it hit every step with a thud. Upon hearing this, Lily greeted her. "Morning Jess. You sleep well?"

"Shoot me now," Jessie mumbled in response deciding Lily was too chipper for her taste. She looked at her while dragging herself, and her bag, to the table. Upon plopping herself across from Grace and Zoe, she banged her head against the table. Then she rested her head on her arms. 

Zoe mouthed a 'Whoa' at her sister. Lily looked at the plate of food she prepared, then she looked at Jessie. She opted against asking today. 

Grace was about to say something, but Jessie raised her head to look at her watch. Then she got up and slumped to the door. She mumbled something that sounded like 'Goodbye', but nobody could make it out.

The front door slammed. Grace declared, "This is bad." Everyone else just nodded in agreement.

The ride to therapy was fairly uneventful. Jessie stared out the window. Grace occasionally glanced at Jessie. It was a good day for Grace, she decided to try out for the school play, "As You Like It". She was happy, but, instead of gloating about it, she held it in. _I'll tell Mom when I get back. _A grin spread over her face. Jessie continued staring out the window.

"So Jess, how's it going?" Dr. Rosenfeld had a big smile on his face. He was trying to cheer up the obviously upset Jessie. However, the family failed to inform him of the accident.

Jessie didn't smile back. "Mom tried to kill herself." The man didn't expect this, his face fell. This was the first time she saw him shocked about anything, it wasn't to comforting. She redirected her eyes downward.

"Jessie, what happened?" He asked, it obviously deeply impacted her.

"She overdosed. I found her in her room Tuesday night," her voice began to crack. "It was my fault," she stated very matter-of-factly.

Dr. Rosenfeld didn't buy that for one second. "You know full well that that isn't true." It was terrible to see her like this, but, he'd seen it a million times. _A kid's parent tries to kill them self, the kid always feels it's their fault._ He sighed.

"Isn't it? I knew something was wrong. I felt it all day and I did nothing!" She spouted out in one breath. At this point, she was ready to drop the subject. She inhaled deeply. "I got an A on my biology test," she offered, not looking up.

"Jessie," he drew out her name firmly.

"What?" She asked harshly. 

He looked at her and gave up. It was evident that she wasn't going to say anything more about it. "Was it hard?" He relented. She shook her head 'no' and turned toward the window. 

The rest of the session went by with hardly another word spoken. Her eyes told him all he needed to know. She was depressed.

"Hey Jessie!" Karen exclaimed as Jessie came into the room. Jessie smiled back at the one person who didn't piss her off by saying that. "How was your day? Therapy go well?" She asked, clearly stressing the last part.

"Everything went all right. My day went fast," she answered, lying through the whole thing. Her day was miserable.

"Did Lily bring you?" Karen was wondering who would come by and not stop in. _Everyone._ She knew that they were upset at the recent events.

"No, Grace dropped me off actually," she saw the worried look on her mother's face. "Eli's picking me up in about an hour," she reassured. 

"Oh, that's good," she smiled, relieved. Karen, much like her daughter, had not been sleeping to well lately. She yawned and so did Jessie. "Are you tired sweetie?" Karen asked warmly.

"No," she smiled, "Yawning is contagious, you know that." This earned a smile from Karen too. Karen took Jessie's hand and just held it. In that position, Karen fell asleep. Jessie just watched her and laid her head down on top of their entwined hands.

"Mom?" Eli whispered as he pushed the door open. She looked over at him and smiled. He didn't smile back. "Is she ready?" He asked, motioning to his sister.

"She's asleep," Karen answered, sadly noting his lack of enthusiasm. She saw his 'I-could-care-less' expression. "Jessie. Eli's here to take you home."

Jessie stirred and looked up. "Do I have to?" 

"Yes," Karen smiled. "See you tomorrow?" Jessie smiled, nodded and got up. She went over to Eli and grabbed his arm. "Jessie, could you let me talk to your brother alone for a minute?" She nodded solemnly and left, closing the door behind her.

"What do you want?" He growled. 

"What is wrong with you?" She asked, upset by his attitude.

"What is wrong with **_me_**? More like what's wrong with **_you_**?" He took in her shocked expression. "How could you do this to Jessie?" He cleared up.

"I didn't do anything to her. What are you talking about?" She knew, told her the day before. Karen was in denial.

"She thinks that you tried to kill yourself because she was ignoring you!" He shouted. "Now, she thinks that it's her fault for not stopping you." She avoided eye contact with him. Eli scoffed and cast a disapproving sneer at her. "How can you live with yourself?" Her snapped at her, exiting the room.

Jessie was standing by the doorway. She only caught Eli's last remark. "Why the hell did you say that?!" She screeched from the doorway. 

Eli turned to Jessie. He looked at her and said, "Because it's true." Next thing he knew, Jessie was shoving him into the wall. He just fell to the floor as Jessie ran down the hall and out of sight. Karen gazed out the window, tears slipping down her face. ****

  



	4. Acts of Kindness

Jessie was hauling ass down the hall. She was crying. _God. How could Eli say that to Mom?_ The tears were flowing down her face as she was running faster. Her tears were blurring her vision. It was becoming increasingly difficult to avoid patients. As she turned a corner, she ran into none other than Dr. Hartford. He stumbled back some, but she fell backward.

"Whoa! Jessie?" He looked at her, she had been crying hard. "Here, let me help you," Dr. Hartford put out his hand. She accepted and he pulled her up. "Are you all right?" He was trying to catch her eyes, but she kept avoiding eye-contact. 

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, she had been saying those same words for the last few days, they never seemed to make anything better.

His sympathy for her got the better of him. "You want to come into my office?" She looked behind her and looked back to him. Jessie nodded. "Come on, follow me," he smiled. _He reminds me of Doogie Howser. _She smiled as she trailed behind him. 

They stepped into his office and he closed the door. He motioned for her to sit down. She took the seat in front of his desk. Instead of sitting behind his desk, he sat in the seat next to her.

"Don't you, like, have patients or something?" She wondered.

He smiled, "I was getting ready to leave for the night." She looked at him and cocked her head. Jessie didn't understand why he was in his office talking to some kid, when instead, he could be at home.

"If you were getting ready to leave, why did you want to help me?" She was confused as to why he would do something like that. Want to do something so...nice.

"You looked like you needed someone to talk to," he offered. He could tell that she was mystified as to his behavior.

"That's what my therapist's for," she mumbled, turning away. Then she mentally kicked herself for letting that slip out. 

He was taken aback, it baffled him as to why she would need a therapist. But, after he mulled it over a second or two, he was able to see why. "What happened?" He was, of course, referring to her darting down the hall crying.

"My brother," his piercing blue eyes prompted her to continue. "He was arguing with my mother about something. Then he asked her how she could live with herself. I mean how could he say that? What the hell could possess someone to say that to their mother?" She was getting irritated just thinking about it and she got into a standing position. The doctor just watched her continue on with her diatribe with her arms flailing around the air for emphasis. "God, he was so...so...condescending. So, I busted into the room. I asked him why he said that. You know what he said?" She asked rhetorically, so Dr. Hartford didn't answer. Jessie looked at him and scoffed, "He said because it was true. Because it's true! That is his mother!" She pointed down the hallway to drive this point home.

"Are you finished?" He asked, slightly amused, and slightly concerned. She nodded vigorously, her chest heaving trying to get air. 

"Thank you," she said earnestly before turning to leave.

He smiled, "Anytime." _I hope she doesn't give herself a conniption_.

Jessie and Eli rode home in silence. Eli was angry with Karen for what happened earlier. He blamed Karen for doing this to herself and her daughter. _I was sticking up for Jessie. She doesn't understand that Mom is tearing her up inside._ He looked over at his sister and noticed the defeated look. When he opened his mouth to say something, he shut it again. At this point he really wasn't up to anymore physical confrontations with his little sister. It was mostly because she could kick his ass.

They pulled up to the driveway and she hopped out, dragging her belongings with her. Eli turned off the engine and got out. He went around the side door, whereas, Jessie went in through the front. She rolled her eyes and got prepared to face everyone again. _Whatever. Here we go. _

Jessie pushed the door open and everyone, except Eli, was gathered around the TV. She just stood there a moment, more trying to place the movie than assess their expressions. 

"Jess!" Lily shouted for the third time.

"Huh? What?" She asked as they all stared at her.

"Would you like to sit down?" Grace answered slowly. 

"No, that's okay. I'm going up now," she stated motioning toward the stairs.

"Oh, hey, Jess," Lily called out. Jessie stopped and turned around, but didn't answer. She gave her a look to continue. "Are you trying out for the play?" 

Grace stared at her mother and let her jaw drop. _That bitch. She did not just do that. She knows I am trying out for it._ She folded her arms and slumped down.

Grace turned to face Jessie as she began to answer. "Why the hell would I want to try out for some stupid play?" She asked, obviously appalled that Lily would even ask. Grace's scowl dropped off her face immediately. She wasn't sure if Jessie had seen her irritation and let it affect her reaction, or if she really didn't want to do the play.

"Oh," Lily said. She obviously figured that Jessie would be interested. "Grace is trying out for it tomorrow," she continued, trying to get Jessie to at least think about it.

Jessie turned to Grace, "Good luck tomorrow," she smiled at her. Grace knew Jessie was being sincere. She was shocked by the remark as much as the sincerity. A moment later, after looking at Grace's reaction, she headed upstairs. She headed to he sanctuary.

"Jessie!" Grace gasped while trying to catch up with her in the hallway. Jessie stopped and waited for Grace to catch up.

"What is it?" She asked impatiently, actually wanting to get to class.

"I wanted to tell you that I can't take you to the hospital right after school," Jessie looked bewildered. Grace reminded her, "The tryouts for the play are after school. You can wait in the auditorium until I'm done."

"Sure. Fine. I'll see you there then," Jessie said anxiously. Grace smiled and left. Jessie turned around and started to walk to her next class. 

When the last bell rang, Jessie got out of her seat, grabbed her things and started to trudge her way down the hall toward the auditorium. She got there and sulkily plopped down in the back row. Nobody else was there yet, but they would soon start coming in.

"Are you auditioning?" A voice asked from behind Jessie. She glanced over her shoulder to see Mr. Dimitri.

"Uh, no. I'm waiting for my step-sister to finish so she can give me a ride...somewhere," she certainly didn't want to be spreading her personal life all around school.

He just nodded. "Well you should audition," he said looking at her. Jessie just shook her head and was looking for something else to focus her attention on. She settled on the stage.

"How long is this going to take?" She asked as he sat in the front.

He turned around. "Who's your stepsister?" _What the hell does that have to do with anything?_ Jessie was puzzled.

"Grace Manning," she said, apprehensively.

He turned to his clipboard. "It should take about half an hour," he clarified, noticing the questioning look on her face. "The names are alphabetized. She is somewhere in the middle."

"Oh, okay. Than you," she answered, resuming her sullen position. Jessie closed her eyes and was about to fall asleep, but then the students started piling in. She grit her teeth. _Thank God I'm in the back. Now I won't have to deal with them._ At this point, she really didn't want to talk, not all that much at least. 

"Hey there," a voice said from behind her. Jessie figured it was for one of the other forty people in there. "Hi," the voice said closer, softer. She jumped at the other person's touch.

"Hi," Jessie said, almost in a state of shock. She didn't recognize the other girl and wondered if she should.

"Can I sit down?" The other girl asked, pointing to the chair next to her. Jessie just nodded. Taking in the young girl's appearance, the other girl saw her shifting eyes. _She looks about paranoid. _"I'm Katie," she said tying to clear up any confusion.

"I'm Jessie," she was starting to look a little more relaxed. "Are you auditioning for this thing?" She nodded her head to the stage.

"Oh hell no!" Katie all but shouted. She started to giggle at her own weirdness, Jessie soon joined in.

From across the room, Grace watched the whole thing. _Jessie Sammler and Katie Singer. Interesting. Well, at least Jessie looks less miserable._

"What about you, are you trying out?" Katie was interested. _If she was trying out, she would be over on that side of the room. And if she isn't trying out, why is she here?_

"There is no way I would try out. I have to wait for my stepsister to take me to the hospital," she blurted, mentally banging her head against the wall. 

Katie was able to tell that Jessie let the last part slip out, so she didn't push it. "Who's your sister?" She caught the menacing scowl and corrected herself. "Er...um...stepsister," she flashed a sheepish grin. Jessie smiled back and pointed across the room at Grace. Katie's eyes followed Jessie's finger. "Grace Manning's your stepsister? That means you're Jessie Sammler." She stated with amusement.

"Yeah, why?" Jessie was suddenly feeling uncomfortable and agitated.

Realizing how she must be acting like a total ass, she stopped laughing. "Grace is in my English class. She's always mumbling about how she doesn't like a person named 'Jessie Sammler'. It's only natural that Jessie Sammler is none other than her stepsister."

Jessie smiled slightly at this little rant. "Grace and I don't exactly get along." Katie just looked at her, clearly wanting an explanation as to why. "Grace hates me," she stated matter-of-factly. 

"Why?" Katie breathed out, obviously stumped as to why anyone could hate someone like Jessie. 

"I don't know," she said, surprised by the question. "She already hated me before we even met. I think it was wrong to pass judgment before even meeting me!" Jessie looked over and gave a slight chuckle. "Sorry for babbling." 

Katie just laughed it off. "It's fine." The truth was, that that is exactly what Katie had done. She thought that Jessie Sammler was going to be an ugly stuck-up bitch, but she only had Grace's description to go by. Walking up to Jessie, she thought this girl was going to be the typical dumb blonde cheerleader. _My bad!_

"So, why are you here?" Jessie asked, shaking Katie out of her daydream. 

"Oh, two of my friends are in it. Sarah Grasser and Tad Mitchell, " Katie smiled.

"Tad?" Jessie said, barely able to get it out before she busted up laughing. Katie scowled at her before she, too, relented with a smile. "What kind of name is Tad?" She asked, still cracking up. Rolling her eyes, Katie just smiled. Noticing the look, Jessie wondered only half-serious, "Is he your boyfriend?"

"Tad? Hell no!" Jessie just looked at her. "He's just a friend." 

"Okay," Jessie said, still smiling. Katie was just looking at Jessie. _She has a nice smile. _"What?" She didn't realize she was staring. Katie looked confused. "Why were you looking at me like that?"

Katie shook her head. "Sorry, I was just thinking."

Jessie smiled, "You ever stop to think, and forget to start again?" Katie chuckled. "You think I'm kidding?" She continued to smile.

"No. Just realizing that it has happened to me before." They both started giggling like a couple of schoolgirls, which they are, so it makes sense.

"Hi there," a male voice interrupted, in a cheesy, flirty sort of way. The two girls turned around. Katie smiled, Jessie didn't know how to react. 

Katie saw Jessie's uncomfortable look and Tad's flirty look and decided it was time for introductions. "Jessie, this is my friend Tad. Tad, this is Jessie." Jessie smiled, so did Tad. Only Katie knew why Jessie was smiling. _The name. _She smiled too. 

Jessie was looking in Tad's general direction. Suddenly her face fell and she got up from her seat. "Eli?!" She shouted to the other side of the auditorium. The whole room got silent, she didn't care. Jessie politely excused herself and went over to where her brother had entered. "What are you doing here?" 

"I came to get you," he saw the puzzled look in her face. "Mom comes home today." He rolled his eyes.

"Let me get my stuff and tell Grace," she mumbled, still pissed at him. She went over to where Katie and Tad were just staring at her. "I have to get going. I'll see ya," she said, more to Katie than Tad.

Then, Jessie walked over to Grace, who was talking to her friends. "Hey, Grace." Grace turned around. Jessie continued. "Eli's taking me to pick up Mom. I'll see you later." Then, Jessie just walked off.

When Jessie got over to Eli, she grabbed him by his shirtsleeve and pulled him along. He was staring possessively at Jessie as he glared at Tad. Tad caught the look, along with Katie.

"Was that he boyfriend or something?" He asked her.

"I don't know, maybe." She shrugged. 


	5. A New Friendship

Eli went back to the Manning house after dropping Karen and Jessie off. He felt that he wouldn't be able to handle being in the same house with his mother. Jessie, on the other hand, was glued to Karen's side. She wouldn't go back with Eli.

That night, Jessie still refused to leave her mother's side. She slept with her mom instead of in her own room. In fact, she didn't even sleep. Jessie just lay there, watching her mother. Eventually though, Jessie still drifted off. However, it wasn't a fitful rest. The whole time she was plagued with nightmares. The same one over and over. 

Karen, for her part, didn't sleep well either. She kept thinking about Jessie. _Is something really wrong with her? Everyone else seems to think so, but I don't see it._ It was disturbing for her to think that something was wrong with Jessie. It was also hard for her to come to terms with the fact that, if it was so, it was her fault. At least that's what everyone seems to be telling her lately.

Both of them were caught in a huge guilt trip the other inadvertently trapped them in. Jessie feels that she let her mother down by not being there and Karen feels that she is the source of all Jessie's problems. 

Jessie and Karen were now awake. It is now only 7:30 in the morning. Needless to say, neither of them had slept well. Their thoughts kept going back to how they failed the other. In her mind, Jessie feels that Karen blames her for everything that has happened recently. Unfortunately, Jessie also feels that her delusions are not completely unfounded. As Karen begins to stir, Jessie smiles. _I'll never let you down again. _

Meanwhile, over at the Manning household, everyone is already up and around. Lily is making breakfast and Rick is getting ready to go to see Sam. Grace and Zoe are arguing over some trivial matter. Eli is the only person not busy.

Eli is watching cartoons and eating Cheerios in the living room. He keeps thinking about Jessie and her behavior in the past week. _I've never seen her like that before. I hope she will be alright._ Eli sighs. He is paying no attention to the Road Runner and Wylie Coyote. It is just not the same. At that moment, Wylie Coyote got hit with an anvil, again. Eli didn't even smile.

Grace noticed Eli's somber mood as she went stomping through the house. "Are you alright?" She asked, concerned.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Fine," he looked at her skeptical expression. "I'm just worried about Jess ya know?" Her expression softened as he continued. "Everything has just been so complicated lately. Something is really very wrong with them both."

"Yeah. I noticed too. They're both just so...so...I don't know," she said, looking at Eli to help her out.

"Depressed? Miserable? Gloomy?" He offered, studying his hands intently.

"Exactly. It's strange seeing them like this," she replied cautiously.

"Strange," Eli repeated, contemplating the meaning of this. "Strange, but not surprising," he stated, now looking up with tears in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" She was genuinely perplexed by the answer.

"Can you honestly say that you never once pictured Jessie being depressed?" He choked down a sob on the last word. Grace just shook her head. Yeah, she's thought it. "Jessie is just so, upset all the time. You know?" He looked at Grace with tears in his eyes. 

Grace didn't know what to say. "Yeah. Lately she's just seemed so...sad," she offered.

"Not lately. I'm not just talking about this last week," he saw Grace's confused expression. "I can't remember the last time Jessie was actually happy."

"But I've seen Jessie happy a lot. It's just lately-" she tried to defend before Eli cut her off.

"No. She was faking it. Jessie is always pretending. She is miserable," he was looking intently at his Cheerios now. "When we figured out that Jessie was anorexic," he paused, his voice cracking. "When we figured it out, it only proved how much she hates herself." 

Grace contemplated this. He was right. Jessie was miserable and has been for a very long time. It also proved that Eli was more observant than she thought. "How long do you think she felt like this?" She choked out.

He paused, a few tears sliding down his face. "A while. I think it started after our parents divorce," Eli stopped a moment before continuing. "She was only six. It's been going on since then. About nine years."

_Wow!_ Grace thought about this insight into Jessie. She was now internally kicking herself for her wretched treatment of Jessie. "Oh my God," Grace managed to sputter out. _Poor Jessie. How can she keep this locked inside for so long? Something like that would kill me before that long._ She realized the same thing about Jessie. 

Karen looked at Jessie watching her and smiled. "Sleep well?" Jessie asked, she then smiled.

"I slept alright. How about you Jess? You seemed a little...restless." As she said this, Karen's brow furrowed. 

Jessie was startled by the question. "Uh...yeah. I slept alright. Nightmares," she mumbled the last part. 

"Oh, what about?" Karen was curious, but she knew, somewhat, what it was about.

At this, Jessie got up from the bed and stood at the side. "Oh, you know. The usual. Dragons and monsters and creepy crawlies under the bed," Karen gave her a serious glare and Jessie smiled. "It was nothing important. I forgot already," she shrugged, obviously lying through her teeth.

Karen picked up on this. "Are you sure?" She quirked an eyebrow, still not convinced. She was definitely curious as to what , if anything, was wrong with her daughter.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Fine. Did you want to get up?" Jessie grinned, avoiding the question. Karen glared at her before going downstairs. However, Karen was still a little perturbed.

The rest of the weekend went by incredibly fast. It was probably because Jessie stayed firmly attached to Karen's hip the whole time. Jessie had totally refused to leave Karen's side. Karen was growing more and more worried by the day. Yet, she brushed it off as Jessie being paranoid about Karen getting hurt or hurting herself again. But still, there was something tugging at the back of her mind. There was another piece to the puzzle, she knew she was missing something.

Eli, on the other hand, avoided Karen by not coming over at all. His hostile feelings kept him from talking going over there, he was still blaming her for Jessie's behavior. The weekend was fairly tense for everyone, except Jessie, who completely ignored everyone, except Karen. The others called over to see if Jessie was alright. Jessie avoided the calls. She hadn't spoken to them since Friday.

But now it Monday, time to go back to school. Jessie was torn, she didn't want to leave Karen at all. She had no choice. Jessie was off to school and Karen was off to work.

"Bye honey. I'll see you in a few hours, okay?" Karen said as she kissed Jessie's forehead and headed toward the door.

"You're going to work?" Jessie asked, astonished. _How could she go back after she...after the accident. _She noted Karen's 'well, yeah' expression. "I just thought you'd give it some time, that's all." Jessie was looking down and fiddling with her necklace. She was allowing herself to believe that Karen's suicide attempt was really an accident.

Karen didn't know what to say. "I'll see you later today. Bye," Karen choked out, she hadn't known what to say. _It's alright. Calm down. She'll be fine. Focus on your clients. You'll see her later. Just breathe._ She sighed and walked out the door. 

Jessie watched her mother with a miserable expression plastered on her face. _School time._ She cringed and walked out the door, dragging her back pack dejectedly behind her.

Upon entering the schoolyard, Jessie was consumed by an overwhelming fear. She couldn't describe it. Her breathing became ragged and she could feel beads of sweat forming on her face. As for the feeling, it sucked her in. And as she stood there, in the middle of the yard, she felt scared and she felt like she wanted to die. All of a sudden, a person flung them self on her. This was the icing on the cake, so to speak, for Jessie. She let the feeling consume her as she let her world go black. 

As she came to moments later, she looked around confused. "What the hell?" Jessie wondered. She looked up and saw Katie looking down at her with an apologetic expression on her face. "Katie, hi. I...um...I wasn't expecting...Where did you come from?" She asked confused and slowly getting up.

"I'm sorry. I saw you and you looked a little distressed. I wanted to see how you were because you seemed a little upset the other day. Everything all right?" She could have kicked herself for freaking Jessie out like that.

"Oh, yeah. I'm great," Jessie lied, she faked a smile. She thought was getting better at it. However, Katie still didn't buy it. But she would ask later.

"How's your boyfriend?" She asked trying to be nonchalant, but was clearly distressed. Jessie gave her a questioning look. "That guy that got you Friday from the auditorium," she cleared up.

"Eli! Tell me you're kidding," Jessie started to laugh despite herself. "Eli's my brother. What made you think he was my boyfriend?"

"Tad and I just thought that maybe he was your boyfriend. He was acting all possessive over you. Besides, how were we supposed to know?" 

"Eli's a total ass. He was probably paranoid about Tad." Katie started grinning too. They were both laughing when Tad showed up, grinning like an idiot.

A few minutes had gone by and he was frustrated at not being let into the joke. "What's so funny?" He finally asked, his smile fading.

"The guy from the other day isn't her boyfriend," Katie started, the laughter dying down. "He's Jessie's brother."

"Ohhhhh!" Tad said. _Good. She's not taken. _He smiled at the thought. Unfortunately for him, his momentary lapse left him lagging behind. Jessie and Katie had walked off, leaving him alone in the yard. 

Jessie was in her last class of the day, English. She was about ready to leave, too bad the class had just began. The teacher began his lesson for the day.

"Okay class, today we will be starting our research papers," this was followed by collective groans across the classroom. The teacher continued, "I am passing out a list of people. They all are, or were, famous. I want you each to choose one of these people. Your paper will focus on their life." More groans followed. "This will be due in three weeks. We will go to the library Wednesday to begin research. I want you to have picked out your person by tomorrow."

Jessie got her sheet and began flipping through it. She recognized some of the people, but none really appealed to her. With a grunt, she folded the paper up and crammed it in her pocket before zoning out of the rest of the class.

The bell rang and she was the first one out the door. She promptly ran into Katie. Katie gave her a questioning look before smiling.

"Getting me back for this morning?" She smiled. Jessie smiled back, but didn't say anything, she was studying the list again. "Penny for your thoughts?" Katie asked, pulling Jessie out of her thoughts.

"Are you expecting change?" Jessie asked with a smile. She was relieved to have someone to talk to. "I got this assignment for English. I have to do a research paper on someone from this list. A biography I guess," Jessie shrugged. 

"Let me see," Katie asked curiously, grabbing the list from Jessie's hands. "I haven't heard of half of these people," she said in a disgusted manner. All of a sudden, her eyes lit up. "Oh, wait. Here we go. Do Billie Holiday!" Katie exclaimed happily.

"Who's he?" Jessie asked, trying to place the name.

"Billie Holiday isn't a 'he'," Katie rolled her eyes and chuckling. "She was, like, this amazing singer."

"Why not? I don't know anything about these other people," Jessie smiled. _Billie Holiday. That has a nice ring to it._ She smiled wistfully.

"Hey Jess," Katie seemed almost nervous. Jessie looked at her, prompting her to continue. "Do you want a ride home?"

"Yeah. Sure," Jessie grinned. 


	6. Trying to Help

A/N: I fixed chapter 5. It was pretty heinous. To my defense, it was late and I was tired:)

Jessie and Katie talked the whole time back to Jessie's house. Katie was relieved to see Jessie less stressed out than before. Earlier this morning, Katie though Jessie looked like she was about to have a stroke or something.

"So, Jess, how are things going?" Katie asked, the conversation turning serious.

Jessie was caught off guard by the question. She really didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to start crying then and there either. "Fine, I guess," she answered, a suspicious edge in her voice.

"Are you sure?" She caught the frightened look in Jessie's eyes. "I mean, you looked like you were about to have a heart attack this morning. And when you fainted...I don't know," Katie held a thoughtful expression while looking at Jessie.

"Oh, that," she was still very tense. "I...um. I wasn't feeling good this morning," she was technically telling the truth.

"Oh," that still wasn't the answer that Katie was expecting. She knew there was something deeper going on. "Is everything okay? I mean, you always seem so, melancholy."

"You just met me," Jessie replied, not snippy or angry, just surprised. "I mean, for all you know, it is just how I am all the time," she tried to convince herself almost as much as her friend. Katie saw right through it and Jessie knew it. She slumped down in the seat, looking out the window. "Alright. You got me," Jessie relented. 

"And?" Katie pushed.

"My mom," Jessie said, still not turning from the window. "She...um," she paused, choking back a sob. "She tried to...she wanted...there was an accident." Jessie felt like she didn't know what was real anymore. _Was it a suicide attempt? Or was it an accident? _She didn't know anymore. _I used to be so sure._

"Oh," Katie said. She didn't know how to react or what to say. "What happened? Will she be okay?" Katie asked slowly.

"She was on medication and she...uh...took to much," Jessie was looking down at her hands. She completely missed Katie's shocked expression. "She was in a drug-induced coma for about a day," Jessie looked up, but didn't make eye contact. "She's fine now, she's awake and at home."

Seeing Jessie like this broke Katie's heart. She knew that the overdose was no accident and she was pretty sure Jessie knew it too. 

They pulled up to Jessie's house. Katie looked over to see Jessie wipe her eyes and try to regain her composure. "Do you want to come in?" Jessie asked, smiling that sad smile of hers.

"Sure," Katie said, not sure what to expect.

"Mom's still at work," Jessie said, rolling her eyes. They both went up and Jessie unlocked the door. "Do you want something to drink or something?" she asked setting her stuff down by the door.

"No. I'm fine," Katie said, smiling and sitting on the couch. Jessie came in too, sitting next to her. There was a moment of awkwardness that Katie decided to break. "Tad was talking about you today."

Jessie quirked an eyebrow. "Why?" She asked.

"He liiiikes you," Katie dragged out teasingly. 

Jessie shoved Katie, "Shut up!" She exclaimed, her face turning crimson.

"We were in English. He kept leaning over, asking me about you," she rolled her eyes at her friend's goofiness. "I told him to leave me alone and bother Grace because the two of you are stepsisters." Jessie had a smirk on her face. "He started pestering her. It was funny. She had such a pissed off look on her face all block," Katie had a reminiscent grin on her face.

"What did she do?" Jessie loved torturing Grace.

"She just sat there, stewing," Katie was still grinning. "She has a crush on Tad. So, this, in fact, crushed her." Her expression turned sympathetic before turning mischievous again. "To make things worse, they star opposite each other in the play. He's Orlando and she's Rosalind. I thought she was going to have an aneurysm in the middle of class. Tad is so dense."

Jessie was loving this. She really wasn't too interested in Tad, but it was fun hearing about Grace squirm. Suddenly, her impish grin went serious. "What did she say about me?"

Katie caught the insecurities mounting in Jessie's voice. "I...um. I'm not sure. I was paying more attention to Grace's expressions than her words." 

"Oh God," Jessie knew exactly what Grace would do. _She probably told him about my being...my problems. _She sighed.

"What is it?" Katie was prying again.

Jessie knew this game, but she didn't want to deal with it. "I don't want to talk about it," she mumbled. This time, Katie didn't push her.

"Hey, look. I have to get going. See you tomorrow?" Jessie nodded and they both smiled. Katie started to walk off, but Jessie stopped her.

"What about your other friend? Sarah?" Jessie asked. "I still haven't even met her."

Katie was caught off guard. _Sarah. Oh. Right. Her. _"She got cast as Phoebe," Katie flashed a weak smile before leaving. "Bye."

"Bye," Jessie whispered after Katie shut the door.

It was a few hours later before Karen arrived. She came in the door, it was dark in the house, Jessie was upstairs, sulking in her room. Karen stumbled in the door and tripped over Jessie's bag.

"Damn it! Jess!" Karen yelled upstairs. She heard footsteps and saw her daughter at the top of the staircase. "Why is your stuff by the door? I just tripped over it. Don't you know how dangerous that is?" Karen griped as she moved the stuff onto the couch. She hadn't realized how she totally disregarded her daughter's feelings. Since Jessie was still at the top of the stairs, Karen didn't see the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Jessie sighed, not moving from where she stood. _She could have hurt herself. It would've been my fault._

Karen softened up, she walked toward Jessie, but Jessie moved away. "Oh, honey," she tried in her most soothing tone she could muster up. Still Jessie moved away. She then turned and went into her room before her mom could see the tears. Karen decided it best to give Jessie some time to herself.

Jessie went back into her room and turned off the light. She let her fingers linger on the light switch before walking over to her bed. She dove onto the bed and buried her head under a pillow before she started crying. Even though she was crying, she still didn't let herself go completely. She was still holding back, restraining her feelings. _Stop it! Stop! Why are you crying? _She was mentally berating herself. Jessie forced herself to stop crying and she just sat there, staring at the wall and choking down sobs.

Jessie's alarm went off. However, she didn't fling her arm at it to stop it's piercing ring. She slowly reached over to flip it off. Unable to sleep, Jessie remained awake the whole night. She was still staring at the wall when the alarm had gone off. Her delayed reaction was due to Jessie's not recognizing sound. Not **the **sound, but sound in general.

The silence had consumed her. It wasn't quiet or peaceful, but loud and deafening. Her silence was loud and it consumed her. She was surrounded by quiet, it made the airtight and she found herself feeling claustrophobic. So, the alarm seemed to not even be making a sound, the ringing was drowned out by the sound of emptiness. 

Jessie managed to get dressed, almost as if in a stupor. She slumped downstairs, Karen was getting ready to leave. "Morning Jess," Karen said. "Your father called and your going to Lily's after therapy." Desperately, Jessie wanted to argue this point, but she just didn't have the energy. She just nodded. "Eli is picking you and Grace up from school and taking you." Still, Karen hadn't noticed how crappy Jessie looked. "I'll see you later." She kissed Jessie on the forehead before taking off.

"Hey Jess," Katie said as she cautiously approached her friend. She and Tad had talked about what Grace had told him the day before. Katie wasn't sure if Grace was being honest or not, but she didn't want to take any chances.

"Hey," Jessie replied indifferently. She didn't greet Katie with the usual smile, or fainting, whatever the case may be.

"Want me to give you a ride home today?" Katie asked, hoping to get some sort of emotion from Jessie. Nothing.

"Can't. Brother's picking me up. I have therapy after school," she said without thinking. She caught her slip, but she just didn't care. Katie stopped in her tracks, but Jessie kept going. She ran to catch up.

"Therapy?" She thought maybe she had hallucinated or something.

"Yeah," Jessie answered halfheartedly. 

Katie actually **_looked _**at Jessie for the first time today. "You look like hell," she blurted out before her brain could tell her not to say it.

"Thanks," Jessie deadpanned.

"I'll see you later then?" Katie asked hopefully. 

"Yeah, probably tomorrow," she replied.

Jessie sat in the backseat staring disinterestedly out the window. Eli and Grace were in the front seat, not talking either. Neither of them knew what to say, if anything. The whole ride to Rosenfeld's had been like this. Finally, they pulled up. Grace and Eli hopped out right after stopping the engine. However, Jessie got out a little less hastily. The other two shared a worried look as Jessie walked by them.

"So, Jess, how's your mom," the doctor asked while taking a sip of his water.

"She's fine," Jessie answered, detached. She looked out the window. Jessie really didn't want to be here.

"That's good," he answered back. He studied her face a moment. "And how are you?" She turned to him, her expression was unreadable.

"I'm great. Isn't it obvious?"

"Who brought you here today?" He asked. _Talking to her isn't getting me anywhere. _

"Uh...Grace and Eli," she was perplexed by his question.

Jessie came out of the office and the doctor motioned for Grace and Eli to come over to him. She just shrugged as they cast questioning looks in her direction. It was her turn to wait. However, she was still puzzled at what Rosenfeld wanted with them. _Oh well. _She closed her eyes and immediately fell asleep.

"What's wrong with Jessie?" The doctor asked instantly asked as he closed the door. The two sat down and looked at one another.

"What?" Eli asked still trying to assess the question.

"What is wrong with her? Has she been acting strangely? She wouldn't tell me anything. I wanted to ask someone who would give me some straight answers," he replied.

"She has been acting...differently lately," Grace answered.

"How so?" Dr. Rosenfeld asked, sitting back down.

"Well, she has been, I don't know. More aggressive," Eli cut in. "She almost broke Grace's nose and she attacked me earlier this week," he paused, trying to think.

"Also, she had been really hostile toward, well...everyone," Grace continued. 

Rosenfeld was really getting interested. "What about Karen?" He asked them.

Eli got his bitter expression back on. "It's her fault," he snipped.

"Eli!" Grace exclaimed. "Stop saying that."

"You know it's the truth," he said. Grace shut her mouth, he was right. He turned back to the doctor. "Jessie found Mom. Now she refuses to leave her side because she thinks Mom's suicide attempt was her fault," Eli huffed. "Jessie has been depressed for a really long time." Rosenfeld quirked an eyebrow. "Since she heard our parents were divorcing, nine years ago. Now she blames herself for this."

"Now both Karen and Jessie are depressed," Grace noted sadly.

"It's hereditary," Rosenfeld stated matter-of-factly. "It's also most common in mother-child relationships. Women are more susceptible to it," he explained.

"Why?" Grace wondered. Eli just sat there, listening.

"They are more sensitive. They also have to face more standards put upon them by society," he said, remembering the words from his college text.

"I think Jessie's already proven that to be true," Eli said, referring to her anorexia.

"Well, at least now I know a better angle to approach this by," he said, thoughtfully. "Thanks you two. You really have helped me out a lot," he smiled. Grace and Eli stood up to leave.

Grace turned before opening the door. "Is Jessie going to be all right?" She asked.

"I hope so," was all that Rosenfeld could say.

"You ready to go?" Eli asked Jessie, she just nodded and got up sleepily.

"I hope so," the doctor repeated quietly to himself before closing the door. 


	7. Jumper

"Hey," Rick said, turning around to greet the kids. "Did you have a good day?" He turned back to face the TV. Lily was still facing them with a smile.

"I got the lead in the play," Grace said, slowly, but happily. Lily smiled.

"That's great honey," Lily rose up to give her daughter a hug. She turned to the others. "And what about you two?"

"I got another job," Eli shrugged. Again, Lily smiled. 

The other two walked over and parked themselves in front of the TV. "What about you Jess?" Lily asked before Jessie quite made it to the steps.

Jessie stopped dead in her tracks. "It was okay," she smiled weakly. She bolted before Lily could continue.

Upstairs, Jessie was just laying on her bed, listening to her headphones. She was staring at the ceiling with the music blaring in her ears. When Grace came up, she didn't hear her.

"Hey," Grace aid, her face appearing over Jessie's. Naturally, Jessie jumped up, missing Grace by mere inches. She quickly reached over and paused her CD player.

"What do you want?" Jessie grumped.

"To see what you were up to," Grace replied. "What were you listening to?" She asked, motioning to the CD player.

Jessie looked over at it. "Third Eye Blind," she said distantly.

"Oh," was all Grace said before she sat down on the bed next to Jessie. For her part, Jessie gave Grace an uncertain look. Grace quickly turned to Jessie. "Jess, is there anything you want to talk about?"

"What?" Jessie asked, shocked. Regaining her composure, she answered calmly. "No, nothing I can think of."

Grace knew otherwise. "Because if ever need to talk to anyone, I'm here. You can trust me." 

"Oh yeah?" At this point, Jessie was thinking of her conversation with Katie the other day. Grace gave her a questioning look. "What did you tell Tad about me yesterday?" 

Grace's jaw about fell off her face. "I...uh...I. What do you mean?" She was hoping it wasn't what she thought it was.

"Cut the crap! Katie told me about Tad pumping you for information!" Jessie yelped.

Grace felt about three inches at that point. "I...um...told him that you were anorexic," she mumbled, almost inaudibly, **_almost_**.

"You did what!?!" Jessie shrieked. "I can't believe...why would you...Arghhhhh!"

Jessie was flipping out. "If you don't leave my room right now, your own family won't be able to identify your body," she ground out.

"I...Jessie...I didn't-" Grace tried to approach Jessie. She stopped and was cut off by the murderous glare Jessie was sending her.

"Just go," she growled. Grace threw her arms to her side and left. On her way down, she saw Jessie turn and sit back down, putting the headphones back on. However, Grace missed the tears because she was looking at Jessie's back.

Jessie crawled under the blankets and threw them over her head. She closed her eyes and focused on Third Eye Blind. Ironically the song was "Jumper". She sang along quietly as she let the tears slide down.

__

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend/ You could cut ties with all the lies/ That you've been living in/ And if you do not want to see me again/ I would understand, I would understand/ The angry boy, a bit to insane/ Icing over a secret pain/ You know you don't belong/You're the first to fight/ You're way too loud/ You're the flash of light/ On a burial shroud/ I know something's wrong...

Jessie drifted off to sleep, all the while mumbling the words with tears sliding down her face.

She woke up, still mumbling the words. The CD player had gone off automatically a while ago. Jessie pulled the covers off of her, removed the headphones and looked at the clock. It read 4:43. _Great._ Now she would never get back to sleep. So, she just put in another CD.

The next morning slowly crept up on the Manning household. Grace's alarm went off and she got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. Eli smelled food, so he woke up and went to the kitchen. Zoe came running in as soon as Lily finished cooking. Rick was on the phone with Sam before going to work.

"Hey Jessie," Lily smiled. "You want some bacon?"

Grace could have shot her mother. She looked over and saw Jessie's incredulous look. But before Jessie could respond, Grace spoke up. "You're kidding, right Mom?" Lily looked confused. "Jessie's a vegetarian, remember?" Grace rolled her eyes and Jessie just sat down.

Poor Lily looked at her daughter, she then looked at everyone else, who nodded to confirm it. She stood there dejectedly a moment. "Oh, yeah. I forgot." Jessie rolled her eyes and walked out the door. "What?" She asked, looking at Grace and Eli staring at her after Jessie left.

"Nothing," they mumbled simultaneously, turning their attention back to their food. After they finished Eli asked, "Are you ready?" Grace just nodded and picked up her things.

"Hey, guys," Rick called before they were gone. "Why isn't Jessie getting a ride with you anymore?" Recently he had noticed Jessie taking the bus instead and he wondered why.

Grace shrugged. "She doesn't want to I guess." Then they both left, leaving a puzzled Rick and Lily behind.

Rick and Lily shared a worried look, but then Rick realized he had to leave. "I'll see you later," he turned to leave after kissing her on the forehead.

"Oh, Rick," Lily said and he turned around. "Is Jessie coming here after school or is she going to Karen's?"

"Um...I'm not sure. I'll call Karen when I get to work." He smiled then left.

"Hello?" Karen asked, distractedly picking up the phone.

"Karen, hi. It's Rick. I just wanted to see if you knew whose house Jessie is going to after school." Rick was looking over some blueprints Sam had just handed him, so he was also a little distracted.

"No, I'm not sure. I guess we'll just have to wait and see where she ends up later," Karen said, rolling her eyes. _How am I supposed to know? _

Rick didn't have a problem with it, he was indifferent. "Okay, thanks." He hung up and called Lily to let her know the plan.

Jessie was sitting in History staring at the wall in front of her. The teacher was going on about the Romans. Since she isn't too fond of the Romans, she tuned him out.

"Jessie," someone whispered. Jessie looked around the classroom, trying to figure out who said it. She focused on the doorway where Katie was trying frantically to get her attention. "Jess," Katie whispered with a grin, she moved her hands to suggest that Jessie get out of the class.

Turning to the teacher, Jessie raised her hand. "Yes Ms. Sammler," the teacher said, obviously annoyed at the interruption in the lecture.

"I need to go to the bathroom," she said in a hurried tone.

"Do you need to go right now?" He asked, more irritated than a second ago.

"Yes sir. My bladder feels like it's about to explode," she grinned at him. He nodded and she got up and left.

"What's up?" Jessie asked once they were out of the teacher's earshot. Katie just turned to her with a strange expression. "Why did you want to get me out of class?" She asked slowly.

"Oh, that," Jessie rolled her eyes at that reply. "Well, I was passing by and saw you looking totally bored. So, I decided to rescue you," Katie grinned. Jessie followed suit.

"Where are we going anyway?" Jessie asked as they were going up the stairs.

"Nowhere in particular," Katie shrugged. "I just had to get out of my class," Katie grimaced. "English. I just don't see the point. We already speak the language, so why continue subjecting us to another hour of school over it." Jessie laughed at the comment.

"I see your reasoning," Jessie said, mock-supportively patting Katie on the shoulder, shaking her head.

"Besides, I really didn't feel comfortable being in there with Grace. She kept turning and glaring at me. I wonder what that was all about," Katie said, puzzled.

"I got in an argument with Grace. I said that I knew she was talking with Tad. And I told her it was because you told me. She told me what she said," Jessie was half expecting Katie to be upset, she wasn't upset at all.

"She did?" Katie asked. Jessie nodded. She knew Jessie wasn't going to bring it up, so she did. "Why don't you talk about being anorexic?" Jessie was so shocked, her head almost snapped off when she looked up. "Tad told me Monday night," she aid quietly.

"I...uh...well. I guess because it isn't anyone's business," she replied, it sounded more like a question than an answer. "I can't believe Grace would say that," Jessie said, sliding down to sit on the floor in the middle of the hall. She paused, then corrected herself. "Yes I can."

Katie looked down at Jessie, then joined her on the floor. "You can?" She was really interested now.

"She hates me, remember?" Jessie looked up smiling weakly. She looked down at her watch. "We better get back to our respective classes," Katie looked at her, "The bell is about to ring."

"Jess, why don't we not go to our next class," this earned a confused look from Jessie. "Let's just leave early. We can go to my house and hang out." Jessie still looked skeptical. "It seems like the last thing you need is some asshole teacher harassing you."

"Okay, I just need to get my stuff from my class," Jessie relented, with a smile.

"I'll go with you. I have all my stuff with me," Katie said, excited. _This day really seems to be looking up._

Katie was watching Jessie sleep in the car with a smile on her face. They had a good time at her house. All they did was watch TV and make fun of the people on Jerry Springer. Katie did, however, want to try and get Jessie to open up, but it didn't work.

The way to Manning manor, was really easy. Katie really didn't want the afternoon to end, but she knew that Jessie needed to get home. Looking back over at Jessie, she smiled again. She liked watching Jessie sleep, she looked peaceful. They pulled up just seconds after Grace. _Uh oh! _Katie knew this wasn't a good situation to be in. _I hope Grace didn't find out about Jessie skipping._ She knew that if Grace knew, she would tell Rick.

Grace saw Katie's car pull up and she was pissed. She walked over to the car as Katie was getting up.

"Hey Grace," Katie said in her most friendly tone without trying to sound too upset. Grace just glowered at her. "I am just dropping Jessie off," Grace's gaze shifted to Jessie in the car. "She fell asleep on the way here."

"So, where'd you go when you left school after second period?" Grace asked with her hands on her hips. Katie started to take a defensive stance, but Grace continued. "I know you left early because you didn't come back after leaving during English."

Katie was about to start screaming at Grace, but Jessie woke up and had been listening. "Grace, shut the hell up," she said yawning and stretching, not sounding the least bit threatening. It still caught them off guard. Jessie climbed out of the car and walked to the other side.

"But Jessie, you skipped school today and-" Grace was cut off.

"And it's none of your God damn business Grace!" Jessie yelled. Grace was about to protest, but was stopped. "I am not your sister, I will never be your sister. Therefore it is none of your damn business what I do. You have no claim over me, so stop trying to be so damn protective," Jessie said calmly, but forcefully.

Katie looked at Grace with a smug 'so take that' expression. Grace was taken aback by Jessie's comments. She was genuinely hurt, she turned and walked inside.

Then Jessie turned to Katie, who was still grinning. Jessie wrapped her arms around Katie, pulling her in for a big hug. "Thank you," Jessie whispered softly and sweetly into Katie's ear before letting go and turning to go inside. Katie was left standing there, with a goofy grin, not knowing what to make of the gesture. 

Grace had seen it all through the window. To say she was curious would be an understatement to say the least.

Jessie was laying in her room when Rick came upstairs. She turned at hearing the footsteps. "Hey Jess," she turned back to her CD player. "Is everything okay?" He asked.

"Why wouldn't it be?" She replied, avoiding the question entirely.

"I don't know. Is there anything you want to talk to me about?" She shook her head. "Oh," he paused. "How about why you skipped school today?" 

"Oh my God! I am so going to kill Grace!" Jessie yelled as she headed for the stairs. But Rick stopped her.

"Sit," he instructed. She obeyed. "Now, tell me what happened."

"I don't know. I just...I didn't want to be there," she said, calming down. 

He looked at her. "Why not?" Rick encouraged her with a smile.

"I was just feeling so...claustrophobic," Jessie sighed. "I had to get out of there." She looked up at Rick, who was giving her an endearing look.

"So, where did you go?" He asked, maintaining the expression.

"To Katie's," he looked confused, so, she clarified. "She's a friend of mine."

"Why did she skip?" He asked.

_Crap! What am I gonna say? _"She didn't want me to leave alone. Besides, I wasn't going to get that far on foot," she smiled. 

"Oh, I see. She drives?" _Damn it Dad! Enough with the third degree._

"She's a Junior. She's in Grace's English class," she said. 

"Alright honey. Don't let it happen again, okay?" He smiled.

"Are you going to tell Mom?" She asked, suddenly very nervous.

"I already talked to her," he said. "She was a little upset, but I think she handled it just fine."

"Oh," Jessie said, trying to cover the anxiety building up. Rick left.

Grace was sitting in her room trying to do her homework. She couldn't focus, her thoughts kept going back to Jessie and Katie. _What exactly is going on between those two? I mean, they have been getting really close lately. _She looked back to her book. _Okay. Trigonometry. Focusing now._

Jessie was sitting in the kitchen, getting something to drink, then phone rang. She let it ring, she knew Grace would get it. Seconds later, Grace has hauled ass into the kitchen and picked it up. "Hello," she gasped, breathlessly into the receiver. "Hey Tad," she smiled. "Yeah," her face fell as she glared at Jessie, "Right here." She handed Jessie the receiver and grumbled, "It's for you."

"Hello?" Jessie asked. She hadn't been paying attention to Grace's conversation. 

On the other side, "Hey Jess. It's me, Tad." He said, sounding somewhat nervous.

"Oh, hi Tad. What's up?" He was definitely the last person she expected to hear from.

"Nothing. I...um. I was just seeing how you were. I mean, I really haven't seen you that much. I just wanted to know what you were up to." He babbled, still completely nervous.

"I'm fine. What were you talking about with Grace the other day?" She wanted to know if he would be honest with her.

"I was just asking her about what you were like. She can be a total bitch, can't she?" He asked tensely. 

"Well, what did she tell you?" Jessie was getting impatient.

"She told me you were...um...anorexic," he said quietly and slowly.

"Oh," Jessie said. That confirmed it for Tad that it was true. "Hey, I have to go. I'll see you later. Bye." She hung up before he could reply.

Jessie went back upstairs, forgetting her drink. She was too pissed to remember and too upset to argue with Grace, so, she went to her room.

She put Third Eye Blind back in. She continued where she left off. Jessie threw the covers over her head, trying to sleep. 

__

...Well everyone I know has got a reason/ To say/ Put the past away/ I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend/ You could cut ties with all the lies/ That you've been living in/ And if you do not want to see me again/ I would understand, I would understand/ Well he's on the table/ And he's gone to code/ And I do not think anyone knows/ What they are doing here/ And your friends have left/ You've been dismissed/ I never thought it would come to this/ And I want you to know/ Everyone's got to face down the demons/ Maybe today/ We can put the past away/ I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend/ You could cut ties with all the lies/ That you've been living in/ And if you do not want to see me again/ I would understand, I would understand/ Can you put the past away/ I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend/ I would understand

Jessie just laid in her bed under the blankets, crying. She just let go, and started crying.


	8. Breaking Down

Sleep didn't come easy for Jessie that night. In fact, it didn't come at all. She stayed awake all night. She was crying and sobbing quietly, trapped in her own private hell. _Tomorrow. Oh God tomorrow. _Jessie dreaded the idea of getting up the next day. She didn't want tomorrow to come, she wanted to stay in bed, tucked away safely from the world. However, she knew she would have no such luck. So, she sucked it up and tried to suppress her tears.

"Hey Jess," Rick began as Jessie wandered into the kitchen the next morning. "I talked to your mom earlier this morning."

"And?" She asked, tiredly, but still wondering where this was leading.

"You're going over there after therapy today. Is that okay?" He said.

"Yeah. Who's taking me?" Jessie asked, hoping that it wasn't Grace and Eli.

"Grace and Eli are taking you. Eli's picking the two of you up after school," He replied, on his way out the door.

"Oh, okay. Bye," she said as Rick kissed her on the forehead and left. Jessie let out a weak smile before resting her head on the table. Never before in her entire life did Jessie want to jump off a tall building so bad. She sighed and was getting ready to leave, but Eli and Grace chose that moment to enter.

"Hey Jess," Eli said, picking a piece of toast up form the toaster. "You want a ride in today?" He asked around a piece of toast with crumbs falling out of his mouth. Jessie smiled, despite herself. Grace looked at her expectantly. Jessie just shook her head and walked out the door.

"Don't worry Eli, we'll be able to talk to her on the way to therapy today," Grace told her worried stepbrother.

Jessie, however, heard all of this. She was listening at the door and she was upset. She felt betrayed. Her family plotting against her behind her back. _Talk to me my ass!_ Turning, Jessie huffed off.

That whole morning, Jessie was deep in thought. Trying to figure out how to avoid the two in the most effective way possible. _I got it. I'll take the bus back to Mom's. I'll tell her I forgot about therapy. _She had rationalized that she would be able to avoid her scheming relatives completely this way. She smirked at her own cleverness.

Now, with her mind somewhat at ease, she was able to focus on the task at hand. Jessie was in the library. She looked down at the book in front of her, "The Life of Billie Holiday: The Unauthorized Biography". Jessie smiled, the book got her thinking about Katie, always a good thing to think about.

"Hey Billie," Jessie heard someone whisper in her right ear. 

Her smile seemed to touch her ears once she heard the voice. "Hi Katie," she turned to look at her friend, holding the smile. Her brows furrowed, "Billie?" She asked, confused.

"Yeah. Billie," Katie said slowly, motioning toward the book. 

Jessie grinned, she didn't put the two together at first. _Duh. _"Cute," she said, rolling her eyes, but continuing to smile. Katie sat down in the seat next to her friend. Jessie tried focusing back on her book, but she could feel Katie staring at her. "So, what brings you all the way to the far corners of the school?" She turned, looking at Katie.

"Well, I had English. Grace is not on my Top Ten list of people I want to deal with today. She's still giving me dirty looks. It's scary," Katie said, shuddering. 

Jessie snickered. "Try living with her," she griped. Suddenly, Jessie was feeling light-headed. She almost fell out of her seat, but Katie stopped her. 

"You okay?" Katie asked, worriedly. 

"Yeah. Just got a little dizzy. That's all," Jessie smiled, turning back to her book.

Katie smiled and started staring again. _Even when she's smiling, she looks sad. _Her smile faded and Katie now looked pensive. 

An hour went by, but it only seemed like a few minutes for the both of them. Katie smiled, then her smile faded. She slapped her forehead, earning a strange look from Jessie. "I have something for you. It's in my locker," she looked at Jessie. "My locker which happens to be by my English class," she grumbled. "Come on." She grabbed Jessie's arm and pulled her behind her.

Upon reaching her locker, they noticed that half the class was still in the room, including Grace and Tad. They loomed in the doorway before Mr. Dimitri saw them.

"Oh, Ms. Singer, you were here today," he smirked. Katie never wanted to smack anyone so much in her life. He turned back to the remaining students. "Don't forget. The meeting is in here tomorrow after school." The teacher then left.

Grace glared at her, but Katie chose to ignore her this one time. Tad came over, mostly to see Jessie, but Katie was there too. "Hey Tad," Katie said before he could greet either of them. "What was Dimitri talking about?"

"He was referring to your not being in class. Which I can totally relate to because you haven't really been-"

"No, dumbass. I'm talking about the meeting. What meeting?" She asked, slapping him on the arm. Jessie just stood there, uncomfortable around him, especially after their conversation last night. 

"Oh, it's for the Gay-Straight Alliance," he smiled sheepishly, looking over to Jessie. "You know I'm going." 

"Tad, are you coming out?" Katie smiled, jokingly. His head snapped up and toward her, his eyes growing wide.

"No!" He yelled defensively. Jessie and Katie snickered. He regained his composure. "One word: Bisexual girls."

"That's two words, idiot," Katie smiled, shoving him. 

"Hey, I've got to get going," Tad said looking at his watch. He turned and left.

Katie shook her head as she walked the two feet to her locker. "He is such a dope," she said still smiling. Jessie just stood there. She was looking for any excuse to avoid her next class. 

"You know what?" Jessie asked looking into Katie's obscenely cluttered locker. Katie just grunted. "Martha Stewart would have a conniption if she saw the inside of your locker." They both chuckled.

"Ahh haa!" Katie exclaimed proudly pulling something out of her locker. She handed Jessie a CD.

Jessie smiled and looked up. "Billie Holiday," she pulled Katie in for a hug. "I love it. Thank you!"

"Have you ever even heard her sing?" Katie asked quirking an eyebrow. 

Jessie just shook her head to the negative, with a stupid grin on her face. Suddenly, her eyes lit up. "Let's go listen to it now!" 

Katie was shocked. "You want to skip school to listen to it?" She asked, making sure she was understanding her correctly. Jessie nodded fervently. "There's more to it than that, isn't there?" She asked. Jessie stopped nodding and her face fell. "Spill," she ordered as they walked toward the exit.

Jessie was looking out the window to Katie's car. She liked Katie, she really did, but she really was just looking for an excuse to leave early. She found it in her friend. Sure, Katie had figured it out, but she wanted an excuse to leave to it seems.

For her part, Katie was shocked that Jessie was skipping again, on her own terms even. She knew Jessie had her reasons, like avoiding her family. Katie also knew that even though Grace **_was_** a bitch and Eli, according to Jessie, was an ass, but she also sensed a strong paranoia vibe coming from Jessie.

Katie looked over at her friend and sighed. There was no way to get in Jessie's head to see what was going through her mind. She wished there was, then maybe, she figured, she would be able to help. _She hasn't changed. She's just hiding it better._

Jessie was eternally grateful to Katie. Two times, she had saved her from potentially unpleasant situations. Now, Katie had taken her to therapy. That, made Jessie a little uncomfortable, but Katie didn't seem to be mentally criticizing her over it though. Nevertheless, Jessie still felt that she was.

"Jessie?" Dr. Rosenfeld waved his hand in front of Jessie's face. She had totally spaced out.

"Huh?" She grumped, still glaring out the window. 

"How are you?" He asked, slowly. He was still worried about her. "I thought Grace and Eli were coming again today."

"I came with a friend instead," she mumbled. He quirked an eyebrow. "I just didn't want to deal with them today, that's all," she defended, standing up, her back toward him. 

"I see. Why is that? Did you get in an argument with one of them again?" The doctor asked, only half serious, but knowing there was more to it.

"Not exactly," she turned toward. He tried to encourage her to continue with a smile, it didn't work. "Can we not talk about it?" Jessie asked, rolling a stress-ball in her hand. 

"We kind of have to," he stated. "What happened with them?"

"It's a conspiracy," she grumbled, refusing to sit back down.

"Oh," he really didn't know what to make of that. Knowing she wouldn't continue with that idea, he decided to change the subject. "How's your mom doing?" He tried to sound nonchalant.

"I think she blames me," she said somberly, sitting down. "She gave me this look yesterday. I think...I think she's disappointed in me. But I can't be...I can't be certain," she had tears in her eyes and she turned away again.

"That's what you saw in her eyes?" He knew that Karen was anything but disappointed in her daughter.

Jessie nodded. "I think so. I don't know!" She was growing increasingly frustrated. "I don't know," she repeated slowly and quietly to herself. She looked at her watch and stood up. "Bye," she said, drying her eyes on her shirtsleeve.

"Bye Jess," he said quietly watching her leave. _She's falling fast._ He sighed.

"You ready?" Jessie asked Katie as she stepped out. Katie immediately could tell that she had been crying and was trying to cover it up. She also knew that the last thing Jessie wanted was to talk about...anything at this point So, she just nodded and smiled.

The ride to Karen's was silent. They ran into some mild traffic on the way there. There was a car accident. A person had gone to cross the street when a car came flying around a corner. The car tried to swerve to avoid the person. Whoever was driving had lost control. As the car was swerving, it hit the person. As for the others, the car literally wrapped itself around a light pole. There was only one survivor, the person in the passenger side of the car.

Jessie was mesmerized by the scene. She saw the car, the driver was being drug out of the car and the pedestrian was mangled. She turned to see the passenger crying hysterically as the body was being pulled out. _It's so easy. That's it. If anything can end in a split second, then why can't this? No, stop. Don't even think it. _

Katie saw the look on Jessie's face and she was worried. "Sad, isn't it?" She asked.

"Yeah, that poor woman," Jessie looked sadly over at the woman, crying into a police officer's shoulder. She let a tear escape. Katie saw, but she knew that it had nothing to do with the woman. 

Jessie walked into the house and closed the door behind her. Karen ran out into the living room. She was immediately followed by Grace, Eli and Rick. _Uh oh! _This was so not looking good.

"Where the hell have you been?" Karen shouted. Jessie looked at the others, to at least calm her mother down. They didn't, but they all shared the same stern expressions.

"I was at therapy," Jessie figured that Karen would calm down after hearing this, she didn't. If anything, Karen grew even more upset.

"Eli and Grace were supposed to take you. They said they didn't take you. How did you get there?" She shouted.

"I got a ride," she answered weakly. Karen was about to scream some more, but Jessie continued, "Katie took me." 

"Why the hell didn't you let any of us know?" Eli piped in, his face turning red. This scared Jessie more than her mom, she never saw him lose his cool.

"I forgot," she whispered, tears coming to her eyes.

"Jess," Rick said. He walked over to his daughter. Karen stopped him.

"Don't," she warned. Rick walked out the door to wait for Grace and Eli. Karen turned back to Jessie. "Why did you skip school?" Jessie shrugged, to upset to say anything. "You must know. You did it two days in a row." 

Jessie shot Grace a death glare. "I wasn't about to lie for you," Grace snarled. Eli grabbed Grace's arm and the two left. Karen looked at Jessie. 

"I don't know!" Jessie yelped, choking back tears and waving her fists around in the air. "I don't know! Are you happy?" She cried out. Karen stood her ground, still upset. Jessie was furious. She turned and threw her book bag across the room before running up the stairs. The last thing she heard before slamming her door was the sound of her bag crashing into something. She locked her door.

Karen was staring up at where her daughter just ran to. _I'll make up with her tomorrow. _Little did she know, tomorrow would be too late.

It was late, Karen was in bed already. Jessie laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She had been thinking for the last few hours, she turned to her clock. _2:30. _All she was thinking about were ways to solve her problems. _Everything is so fucked up. It's all my fault. Scaring Mom half to death today, almost getting her killed. I hurt Dad, Eli and Grace so much, not only in the past week. I keep letting everyone down. It stops now._

She was a girl on a mission now. Jessie slowly creaked the door open and crept down the hall. When she got to the bathroom, she felt dizzy all over again. She leaned against the door to regain her balance. Then, she went to the medicine cabinet a second later. _Here they are._ Jessie pulled out a razor blade. Jessie set it down. She grabbed her stomach with one hand and the counter with the other. Looking into the mirror, she didn't like what she saw. Now, she knew what she had to do.

She grabbed it, feeling weak for some reason, she grasped onto the blaze. Jessie looked down, she released the counter and brought the blade down. _Hurry up damn it!_ She pressed down and continued to the other side. She was dizzy still, she reached over to the counter, she grasped something. It came crashing down. Feeling the weakness get to her, she finally collapsed, the blood flowing.

*A/N: A lot more to come. Stay tuned ;)* 


	9. Solitude

Karen was in the middle of a dreamless sleep. She was tossing and turning. Something wasn't right, Jessie kept coming into her mind. Nothing could erase the look Jessie had on her face. She looked almost...desperate. It was like she was looking for something, trying to cling on to the last bit of sanity she had left. Suddenly, Karen heard a crash coming from the bathroom. She slowly got up to see what had caused it, not knowing what caused it.

Coming to the bathroom, she noticed a small amount of light coming from under the door, so Karen knew she was in there. She cautiously knocked on the door. "Jessie," she said softly. "Are you okay?" There was a faint metallic odor in the air. It was familiar, but Karen couldn't quite place it. _Oh. My. God._ She'd figured it out. "Jessie!" She yelled, throwing the door wide open. Karen covered her mouth with her hand, holding the door for balance. "Oh God," her body was wracking with sobs. Her baby girl was sprawled across the bathroom floor in a puddle of her own blood. 

She got the phone from downstairs and returned to her daughter's side. "Hello," she cried into the phone after dialing 9-1-1. 

"Hello. You have reached the emergency operating system. Please hold," Karen looked at the phone with contempt and hung up. She looked down at her daughter with panic. Karen got her keys. She grabbed a towel and wrapped her daughter's arms in it. Then, Karen reached down and picked Jessie up and carried her downstairs, they were going to the hospital. 

"Honey, you're so light," Karen said to herself. It dawned on her as to why. _You haven't eaten._ She looked down at Jessie, when she sat her it the car. Jessie's body was completely limp. All she could do was hope Jessie was still alive, she didn't check for a pulse. Karen hauled ass toward the Emergency Room. She was crying hysterically. Who wouldn't?

Upon pulling up, Karen picked Jessie up and carried her inside. "Help!" She screamed. Two nurses and a doctor came running before Karen had even said a thing. They had seen the blood-stained towel, they already knew. 

A nurse came in with a gurney and Jessie was promptly laid down on it. They rolled her away and a nurse stayed to talk with Karen. "I know this must be hard for you, but I need to ask you a few questions, okay?" She asked comfortingly, resting a hand on Karen's shoulder. Karen just nodded. "How long ago did you find her?"

"Ten minutes ago I think. Everything happened so fast. I can't be sure," she mumbled in a daze. "Is she going to be alright?" She asked turning suddenly.

"I think she was far from alright before this happened ma'am," she said gently.

"Is she going to live?" Karen asked pleadingly. She just wanted good news, even if the nurse had to lie.

"It's hard to say. It looks like she had lost a lot of blood. Is there someone you want to call?" She asked, in case the woman needed someone there, for a shoulder to cry on if nothing else. Karen nodded. "Can I get your daughter's name first?"

"Jessie," Karen said lovingly, with tears in her eyes. She got up to call Rick.

"Hello?" Rick asked while picking up the phone. _Who would call at 3:00 in the morning?_

"Rick," Karen cried into the receiver. She caught him off guard, she knew that. 

"Karen? What is it? What's wrong?" He asked, panicked. Upon hearing this, the rest of the family came down, worried by his tone.

"What is it Dad?" Eli asked, Rick waved his hand to silence him.

"What is it?" He asked again, growing more anxious with every second of silence. She was sobbing from the other end. 

Karen choked it down long enough to answer. "It's Jessie. She...she..." Karen broke off into another fit of sobs.

"She what? Karen, what happened?" Rick was furious and frightened, he was terrified of knowing the answer. His reactions caused the others to fret even more.

"You need to come to the hospital now!" Karen shouted. "Jessie tried to kill herself!" 

"What?!" Rick dropped the phone and leaned against the counter for leverage. He picked the phone back up. "I'll be right there," he said, dazed.

"Rick, what's wrong?" Lily asked, touching his arm.

"Jessie," was all he said. He fell back in a seat.

"What about her?" Eli said, suddenly angry and very worried. "What happened?" They all stared at him, waiting for an answer. 

Rick stood up. "We need to go to the hospital." With that he left, the others grabbed their coats and followed. He didn't offer anymore information, but they knew whatever happened was not good. They all went, even Zoe.

"Oh, God! Rick," Karen yelled as she ran up to him. She wrapped her arms around him and started crying, he did the same. They were oblivious to the confused expressions the others held. Karen looked up and saw them all standing there. "Did you tell them?" She asked, not upset, just curious.

"No, I...couldn't. I just told them we needed to go to the hospital."

"What the hell happened?" Grace shouted, frustrated at being in the dark about whatever the crisis was.

"Jessie tried to kill herself," Karen said in a low tone. It hit the others like a shockwave. They all acted as if they were dealt a physical blow. Slowly, they all found a seat. Zoe was shaken and she buried her head in Lily's armpit and started crying. Eli buried his head in his hands. Grace just started to cry. Nobody expected this. Sure, they knew Jessie was depressed, but they never expected it to go **_this _**far**_. _**

"How did she do it?" Lily asked. She immediately kicked herself. _Stupid question._

"She cut herself," Karen said, detached. "She hasn't been eating either, has she?" For the first time, Karen looked up. She saw them shake their heads. "She relapsed. Jessie only weighed 83 pounds when I brought her in," she choked down a sob. "They said it caused her blood to thin out. She lost a lot of blood. It doesn't look good," she started crying. **__**

Everyone lapsed into a somber silence. There was nothing more they could do. They had to wait for a doctor to tell them if she would make it.

_Solitude. I have always loved it. Nobody to bother me. I don't have to be anything. I don't have expectations to live up to. I can just...be. _

There's this song I once heard. It's by Gilbert O'Sullivan, from 1972. The song is "Alone Again(Naturally)". I can't remember the whole thing, just pieces of it. 

"In a little while from now/ If I'm not feeling any less sad/ I promised myself/ To treat myself and visit a nearby town/ In climbing to the top/ Will throw myself off/ In an effort to/ Make clear to who/ Ever wondered what it's like when your shattered..." 

I actually never understood those words until just recently. It's sad I think. It's pretty much how I feel right now. The only thing I've felt is guilt and anger and regret. I wanted to feel something. Something other than that. And I did. It was a release, not a good one, but a release nonetheless. 

"To think that only yesterday/ I was cheerful, bright and gay...But as if to knock me down/ Reality came around/ Without so much/ As a mere touch/ Cut me into little pieces/ Leaving me to doubt/ Talk about/ God and his mercy/ For if he really does exist/ Why did he desert me?/ In my hour of need/ I truly am indeed/ Alone again(naturally)..."

Like I said, it's sad. I can't remember the last time I was happy, the last time I felt free. They're better off without me. I just caused grief and pain. They all deny it, but it's true. Actually, that's not true. Katie, I never hurt her. She never hurt me. 

What I did was a last resort. Stuff just kept piling up. Doing what I did was not the smartest thing to do, but it made everything just...stop. All the pain, all the fights, all the guilt. That one is the worst. 

When things go wrong, life moves in slow motion, like in movies. That's what it felt like. I fell over and everything went black. 

__

"Are you the Sammlers?" An elderly doctor asked, pulling the others out of their thoughts.

"More or less," Karen answered.

"I came to tell you about your daughter." He now had their undivided attention. Everyone was tense, not knowing if they wanted to hear what he was about to say.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To Be Continued

What will happen with Jessie? Did she get her wish for solitude? Or will she be given a second chance?


	10. Second-Thoughts

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I had testing and wasn't feeling too hot.

__

I want...wanted to be perfect. Not for me so much as my mom. After she and Dad divorced, she was always so sad. I figured that if I was perfect for her, then maybe she would get better. I wasn't and she didn't. Everything I did only made things worse and she got on my ass harder when I screwed up. I guess I gave up on her...and myself too I suppose. 

See, for everything good that has happened in my life, at least one thing has gone wrong. Case in point: love my parents, they divorce; black belt, anorexia; skip 8th grade; start high school with Grace; love my mom, tries to kill herself. It's a vicious cycle. The last one was a chain reaction really because I followed her lead. The cycle had to end somehow, didn't it?

"Well, is my daughter going to live or not?" Karen shouted, frustrated. The others looked at the doctor expectantly.

"She is alive, but is in critical condition. Your daughter can still go either way, it's too soon to tell." The doctor was face with blank, tired stares. That really wasn't the kind of answer they were hoping for. It did, however, mean that there was still a chance.

"What does that mean?!" Rick shouted, suddenly agitated.

"Maybe. It means maybe," the doctor sighed before continuing in an tentative manner. "You must understand,she came here in severe condition. All we can do is wait, she had several other things going on when you brought her in," the others gave him questioning looks. 

"What do you mean? What things?" Lily asked, totally stumped.

"She hasn't been eating for one. If she hadn't have...done what she did, well...it might've been too late." 

"When will you know if she will come out of it?" Karen asked desperately. 

"Soon, I hope. She has a very weak pulse, has lost a lot of blood and her body is in a very vulnerable position. She really can go either way. You would be better off going home, try and get some rest." They all knew that they would be better off leaving for the night. The doctor promised to contact them if something happened, good or bad.__

_I've always tried to be perfect. For a while, it seemed like they were, but somewhere along the way, things went wrong. All these problems started appearing. Not just **in **me, but around me. _

Mom has been depressed a lot. I don't know what kicked it off, but I know I didn't help make it any better. That's the worst. When you know things are bad and you don't do anything. I just watched as my mom was slowly drowning in her life. The person I loved most was in trouble and I stood by and watched. They **are **better off without me. They just don't know it yet. 

By the next morning, they still haven't heard from the doctor. It was best for them to go about their daily routine, or so the doctor had said. So, that's what happened.

"Eli!" Rick shouted towards the garage. "You're going to be late for work if you don't hurry up."

"I don't have work today," he mumbled sleepily, rubbing his eyes as he came up. Rick gave him a questioning look. "I've got Fridays off," Eli responded. 

Rick sighed. "I want you to stay home then. In case the doctor calls, okay?" Rick asked. Eli just nodded, defeated because he wanted to go to the hospital. "I'll see you tonight," Rick said. Noticing his son's expression, he pulled him in for a hug. "She'll be okay E." 

For his part, Eli wrapped his arms around Rick and said, "I hope so Dad." Rick let go and left. 

Afterwards, Lily came into the kitchen with Grace and Zoe behind her. "Morning Eli," she yawned, none of them had gotten any sleep after 3:00 this morning. 

He just nodded his head, noting she only said 'morning', not her usual 'good morning'. "School?" He asked the two girls. 

"Yeah," Zoe said. They lapsed into silence. She looked at Grace, Lily, then Eli's somber expressions before breaking the silence. "Is Jessie going to be alright?" She cried out, tears in her eyes. Nobody stirred.

"I don't know," Eli admitted with tears of his own. "But I hope so," everyone nodded in agreement.

"Are you giving us a ride today?" Grace asked Eli, hoping to change the subject. He nodded and they walked out. Lily just stood around a minute before heading to work herself.

Karen was sitting at the kitchen, getting ready to go to work. She told her boss she couldn't make it. They asked why and she wouldn't tell them. Her boss said that unless she could give a good reason, she was coming in. Now Karen wasn't embarrassed, but she didn't want it to get around, for Jessie's sake, and she couldn't bring herself to say it. Due to a big case she was working on, she had to come in. She really had no choice.

Katie was worried sitting in her English class. She hadn't seen Jessie all day and since Grace had refrained from giving her dirty looks, she knew something was up. Usually they see each other in the morning and at lunch, but not today. _I know she isn't sick, physically, because I saw her just last night and she was fine. Something's wrong._

"Grace," Katie whispered to her. Grace rolled her eyes, not wanting to deal with **_her._**

She turned around anyway. "What?" She hissed.

"Is Jessie sick or something?" Grace had a shocked and sad expression on it. "Grace, is something wrong with her?" She was now panicking. Grace still hadn't answered and Katie knew now that something was wrong. Katie grabbed her stuff and walked right out of the room in the middle of Mr. Dimitri's lesson.

The class was astonished and started to giggle. Grace rested her head on the desk. She wasn't surprised at all. _Katie loves her. Of course she's going to track her down._ All she could do is sit through the rest of the day and hope for the best.

Katie took a hard right onto Jessie's mother's street. She pulled into the driveway, noticing that Karen wasn't home. Then she went up to the door and started pounding. "Jessie! Jessie! Are you in there?" There was no answer. _Duh. _She pulled out her cell phone and dialed. As the phone rang, she tried looking in the windows to see if Jessie was there. 

The answering machine picked up. Katie gave up on Karen's house and decided to try Rick's. _There's always someone there. _She got back in her car and drove off. 

Eli was sitting in the living room, the phone no more than two feet away, in case the doctor called. He suddenly heard intense pounding at the door. Upon looking out the peephole, he saw that it was Katie. _The hell? What's she doing here? _He looked at the clock. _Skipping again I guess. _He unlocked the door and let her in.

"Is Jessie here?" Eli was taken aback by her bluntness. She looked at him hopefully. His confused eyes looked back at her. "She wasn't in school today and when I asked Grace, she wouldn't say anything. So, is Jessie okay?" She sputtered out in one breath.

"You don't know," he began, "how not okay she is," he sobbed, tears started to come to his eyes. He led her to the living room and offered her a seat. 

"Wha...what do you mean?" All of her confidence went out the window, paving the way for anxiety.

Eli wiped his eyes. "Late last night Jessie..." he choked down a sob. "She tried to kill herself." 

"What?" Katie breathed out. "She...Oh my God," she gasped. 

The phone chose that moment to ring. Eli reached over a grabbed it. "Hello?...Yes...Okay...I will...We will...Thank you." Katie looked at him expectantly. "Jessie's condition has stabilized, but she's still unconscious." They both smiled. "I have to call Mom and Dad." 

Everyone rushed to the hospital from where they were at. Eli picked Grace and Zoe up from their respective schools. Katie had to follow him because she didn't know which hospital it was. Lily, Rick and Karen left work to go there. At about 2:30, they had all arrived. Jessie was still not awake. 

_I'm actually beginning to rethink this whole 'suicide' thing. A real stupid time to change my mind._

There's a song by Dido called 'Slide'. I keep thinking back to it.

"...It's all right to make mistakes/ You're only human/ Inside everybody's hiding something/ Staring at the same four walls/ Have you tried to help yourself/ The rings around your eyes they don't hide/ That you need to get some rest/...Take time to catch your breath and choose your moment/ Even at a time like this/ When the morning seems so far/ Think that pain belongs to you/ But it's happened to us all/...You brought this on yourself and it's high time you left it there/ Lie her and rest your head and dream of something else instead." 

_Maybe I'm wrong. I know what I did was stupid, it was the chicken's way out so to speak. But, there was really no choice, things have just gotten so...so...hard. maybe everyone is right, I should stop blaming myself. Maybe I should have left it alone, given everything a chance to heal itself. Great, what a time to second-guess myself. It's too late anyway, isn't it?_

It was Karen's turn to sit by her daughter's hospital bed. _This has to stop. We both have to stop feeling guilty about...everything. _She sat there watching Jessie's peaceful expression. It was the first time she's seen it in a while. Jessie started to move a little, but she didn't wake, to Karen's dismay. 

__

I hope it's not too late. I really do. But, if it is, there are a lot of things I'll miss. Like Eli, sometimes. I'll never forget the way he would try and steal my fries at Burger King and I would smack him before he got the chance. Katie, she's another big one. I'll miss Dad and Mom. I always liked when Dad picked me up on his shoulders and swung me around saying that I was flying. I will never forget how my would wake me up. She would come to the side of my bed and brush my hair out of my face. The she would say-

"Jessie, honey," Karen said gently as Jessie stirred again. Jessie moaned and moved again, towards her. Then her eyes slowly fluttered open. "Jessie?" Karen had tears coming to her eyes.

"Mommy?" Jessie said, tears also welling up. Karen leaned down and the two embraced, both holding on to each other for dear life. _I guess it wasn't too late after all. _She smiled to herself.

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To Be Continued 


	11. A Beautiful Day

Everyone else was still in the waiting room when Karen came in. They all looked up to see Karen with tears in her eyes.

"Is everything okay Mom?" Eli asked, worried for his little sister. 

She looked at everyone with a serene expression. "Not yet, but it will be," nobody knew what to make of this statement. "Jessie's awake. She's going to be alright," Karen smiled through her tears. Everyone was relieved beyond imagination.

"Hey Jess," Katie said while tentatively entering her friend's hospital room. Jessie whipped her head up and stared at her with shock. "How are you doing?" She asked cautiously.

"I...uh...how...how did you know?" Was all that Jessie was able to say. She couldn't look Katie in the eyes. 

Katie stood there a moment, assessing Jessie's actions. "You weren't in school today. I got worried and went looking for you," she admitted. 

Jessie looked up, confused. "How did you know though?" 

"I went to your Dad's and Eli was there. He told me everything," Katie said with her eyes downcast.

"But why? Why would you do that?" Jessie almost shouted angrily. 

"I was worried about you Jess. I really care about you and I was worried that something bad had happened to you," Katie blurted out, almost in tears

Jessie looked into Katie's eyes, searching for a trace of insincerity. She didn't find any trace. "I care about you too," Jessie now had tears of her own. Katie leaned over and the two hugged. They pulled apart and Katie wiped her eyes and looked at Jessie. The two smiled at one another.

From the doorway, Grace had witnessed the whole exchange. _I knew it. I God damn knew it! _She had a big grin plastered on her face and knocked on the door. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything," she smirked at them. Katie averted her eyes and scowled down at her hands before looking over at Jessie again.

"Why would you be interrupting anything?" Jessie asked, shaking her head in confusion. She looked over at Katie, who only shrugged.

"Oh, no reason. Just an expression," Grace glanced over at Katie, who glowered back. Jessie missed the whole thing. "How are you?" Her tone suddenly turned serious and concerned.

Jessie paused to think about it a moment. "I'm feeling better," she gave them both a thoughtful smile. Then she turned toward the window. "After all, it's a beautiful day. See," she said, nodding toward the window. 

Katie smiled, though she wasn't looking outside, she was looking at Jessie. "Yeah, beautiful," she said quietly. 

Grace saw it and smiled at Jessie's obliviousness. _This is going to be good. And Jessie's going to have no idea what hit her. _"I'm gonna go. I'll see you later Jess," she then left them. 

"Grace is such a freak show," Jessie stated as her stepsister left. Katie just giggled and nodded in agreement. Jessie turned her head back out the window. 

Katie looked at Jessie sitting there with a smile on her face. She looked down at the bandages on her wrists, then frowned. When she looked back up, Jessie was staring at her, with a self-conscious expression. "I'm sorry...I just...What happened?" Katie said, apologetically.

"Uh...I couldn't," Jessie turned away, biting her lip to hold back the tears. "I couldn't take it anymore. I felt...trapped," she looked back at Katie with tears in her eyes.

Katie was staring intently into Jessie's eyes. She started to move her face forward, slowly. Jessie knew what was coming, but she didn't move away. They closed their eyes as Katie's face moved closer. Suddenly, Katie pulled her head back before anything happened. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...I shouldn't have come here." She grabbed her things and left, wiping the tears from her eyes. Jessie just sat there, wondering what the hell just happened. _She just...we almost...I didn't pull back and...I **wanted **to. Oh my God. _She sat there, staring at the doorway.

She didn't have enough time to ponder this though. Lily and Zoe came in. "What was her deal?" Zoe chirped, referring to Katie. Jessie gave her a confused look. "Katie just went through the hall crying," Zoe said slowly.

"Oh," Jessie replied, distractedly, "I don't know." She shook herself out of it and said, "How are you?" 

Lily knew something was going on, but she didn't know what. "Good. How are you doing?" Jessie rolled her eyes and sighed. _This is going to be a long day._

"When does Jessie come home?" Lily asked Rick on their way back to the house. Zoe was sleeping in the backseat, so they had to whisper.

"The doctor said probably by Sunday at the latest. She's still really weak from...everything that's happened," he faltered some, tears rising.

"Where's she going, our house or Karen's?" Lily asked gently.

"Probably Karen's. They have a lot of things to work out," he sighed heavily.

"That's good, right? It's good that they're going to talk through things because all this has to stop," she waved her hand for emphasis, referring to everything from the past two weeks. Rick just nodded.

Jessie was sitting in the hospital, thinking about things. Reflecting on everything that has happened and trying to sort through her feelings. However, her thoughts were interrupted by her mother. 

"Hey," Karen said tentatively. Jessie looked up, shaken from her thoughts. "We need to talk," Jessie just nods and Karen takes a seat by her daughter.

"Things have been pretty bad haven't they?" Jessie says, looking down at her hands. "I mean, you and I have a lot of stuff to work out," she looks up to see Karen looking at her.

"I guess we do. We need," she wasn't sure how to phrase it, so she decided to keep it simple. "We need to stop feeling guilty about...about," she was drawing a blank.

"Everything?" Jessie offered. "I know. Nothing is my fault and nothing is your fault? Is that what you're trying to say?" She had taking an almost sardonic tone.

Karen nodded. "That's right. To forgive ourselves," she was trying to stay strong for her daughter. The whole speech she had developed had flown out the window with one look in her daughter's tormented eyes. Her heart sank.

"I can't do that," Jessie stated indignantly, pulling Karen out of her thoughts. "I will never be able to forgive myself for what happened only a week ago. And I won't be able to forget about how I'm feeling right now," her tone had taken a sad turn. "I also know you won't either."

Karen looked up, almost shocked. After a pause, she conceded. "You're right. But we have to."

"Move on with our lives, huh?" She giggled darkly, gently tossing back her head to stare at the ceiling. "And how are we supposed to do that? You can forgive me and I can forgive you, but it really doesn't solve anything does it?"

"Wha...what do you mean?" Karen asked confused and a little scared.

"We can forgive each other all we want, but we will never forgive ourselves. Hell, what do we even need to apologize for? Love means never having to say your sorry," she chuckled again.

"What are you getting at Jess? What are you trying to say?" Karen was worried. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"Well, if you love someone, you automatically forgive their mistakes, right? I forgive you and you forgive me, that's obvious, but what does that say about how we feel about ourselves?" Jessie turned and stared at her mother.

"Jessie, I...how...what..." Karen sighed, she didn't have a decent defense against anything Jessie had just said."Why can't you forgive yourself?"

"Because I know there had to be something I could have done to have stopped you, but I didn't even try," tears were welling up in Jessie's eyes. "Don't you feel the same?" The tears now began to flow freely.

"Of course I do, but we're okay now. I'm still alive and so are you," Karen said, feeling proud for making the connection.

"We're not okay," Jessie scoffed. "We only think so, but we are **so** far from it. I wish we were okay again, but we aren't," Jessie added the last part tearfully.

Upon hearing this, Karen's heart broke. "Jess, we saved each other," Jessie looked skeptical. "You found me before I actually died. You gave me a reason to keep on living. I found you. I hope that you will keep living, for you as much as for me."

Jessie broke down and started crying into Karen's shoulder. "I guess we need each other then, right?" Karen smiled and nodded. "We should stick around to, you know, be there for each other."

"We'll get through this honey," Karen said confidently, even through her tears. "I'll always be there for you Jess. No matter what."

"Same here," Jessie agreed. She pulled back to look in her mother's eyes. "Mom, I just want you to know that I love you."

"Of course I know. I love you too," they shared a smile and Karen pulled Jessie close. 

There was a knock on the door to Jessie's hospital room. "Huh?" She grunted while getting her stuff together.

"Hey," Katie said softly and entering slowly. Jessie smiled as she turned around. "Your mom said you were going home today and I asked if I could bring you back and I-"

She was cut off by Jessie's giggling. Katie looked up sharply. "Katie, it's okay, I know," Katie had a confused expression on her face. "Phone," Jessie nodded at a phone by the bed. "She called me about ten minutes ago. What took you so long?" Jessie teased.

"I...uh...I drove slow," Katie was still confused. 

"**You** drove slow?" She quirked an eyebrow with a slight grin on her face. 

"You're feeling better I see," Katie said, relieved. They began their decent to the car. Jessie was more cheerful than Katie had ever seen. This was the first time she had known Jessie to be in a playful mood.

"I am actually," Jessie said in an exaggerated matter-of-fact tone. She broke into another grin. 

They got into the car and Katie turned to look at Jessie. Katie didn't want to ruin the moment, but she had to ask. "How are you going to be at school tomorrow?" 

Jessie's grin was almost completely wiped off her face. "Oh. Right. That place," she rolled her eyes and sighed. "I don't know. I guess I haven't given it much thought. It's not exactly on my Top Ten list of things to ponder." Katie smiled and they continued on their way. 

"How's your mom doing? The other day she was really upset."

"She's doing better. We all are," Jessie turned out the window with a blissful look in her eyes. _It **is **a beautiful day. _

Katie smiled at Jessie before turning back to the road. _Did she completely forget about the other day or is she pretending nothing happened? _

Before Katie got to deep in thought, Jessie turned to her. "Katie," Jessie began and Katie looked over at her. "Thank you."

"For what?" Katie asked, puzzled. "I didn't do anything," she shook her head.

"Sure you did. You were there and I want to thank you," Jessie smiled at Katie.

"A lot of help I was," Katie scoffed at herself.

"You tried and you didn't give up. And that means a lot," Jessie's expression was serious this time. She reached down and took Katie's hand in her own. "Thank you," Jessie repeated quietly this time.

Katie turned to Jessie, a shocked expression on her face. Her shocked expression faded into a smile. "Your welcome," she answered in a soft tone, gently squeezing Jessie's hand.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To Be Continued 


	12. Gossip

"Do you want to come in?" Jessie asked shyly as they pulled up, still holding hands.

Katie turned her head to look her at friend. "Sure," she said. "Only if you **really **want me to," she teased. 

Jessie rolled her eyes with a smile. "Come on," she said. "Bonehead," she mumbled with a grin. 

"Hey! I heard that you know," Katie said defensively. Jessie just snickered as Katie mock-pouted. Together they walked up to the house, giggling. 

Karen was subtly watching to two from the window with a grin of her own. She decided that she had had enough eavesdropping and opened the door. "Hey you two," she smiled. 

Jessie was startled and she quickly looked over at her mother, dropping her hand, much to Katie's dismay. However, Jessie gave her a warm and reassuring smile. "Hey Mom," Jessie turned and smiled. 

"Hi Ms. Sammler," Katie said, finally prying her eyes off Jessie with a wounded expression. "How are you?" She managed a smile.

"I'm great. What about you?" Karen was thinking back to earlier today when Katie had seemed somewhat nervous about seeing Jessie.

"Same," she smiled before looking over at Jessie once more. 

"Well, do you girls want to come inside or sit out here and get rained on?" Karen asked with a smirk. The girls looked at each other and rolled their eyes before continuing inside the house. 

"This is your room," Katie said as they walked upstairs. Jessie gave her a strange look. Katie smiled. "It's not at all how I pictured it."

"Oh? And how did you see it?" Jessie asked with amusement.

"I'm not sure. It's just that this room seems so...princessy," Katie said with a smirk.

"Princessy? Did you just say...princessy?" Jessie asked incredulously. "I'll show you princessy," as she pounced on Katie, tackling her to the bed. 

Jessie had pinned Katie down, or so she thought. Katie wiggled her arms free and started to tickle her sides. This, of course, caused Jessie to squeal like she was being poked with hot forks. Now Katie had Jessie pinned down. She would have fought back, but she was weak with laughter. "No fair," Jessie whined after her laughter died down.

"Well, you started it. And besides, I'm taller," Katie said, earning a glare from Jessie.

"I could sooo kick your ass right now," Katie gave her a skeptical look. "But, I won't. I like you too much. And anyways, I can't breathe."

Katie smiled at Jessie, who was desperately trying to struggle out from underneath her. When Jessie looked up, she saw Katie staring down at her with an affectionate expression. This made her stop wiggling and stared back up at her. They both realized how close their faces were to one another. It was Jessie's turn to lean in, and this time, no one pulled back.

Grace walked into the kitchen with a big grin on her face. Lily was the only one in there, so of course, she couldn't help herself. "What are you so happy about?" 

"Nothing. What makes you say that?" Grace asked, tauntingly. 

"I don't know. Maybe it was your I-know-something-you-don't-know grin," Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"I know who has a crush on Jessie," she stated proudly.

"Is that all? Everyone knows. Tad was just here, like, five minutes ago," Lily said.

"Nope, not him. You'll never guess. Why was Tad here?" She asked, changing the subject.

"He was looking for Jessie and her friend, oh, damn. What's her name?" Lily asked, drawing a blank.

"Katie," she said, her grin growing wider, making it look like her face was going to split in half.

"Right. So?" Grace gave her mother a questioning look. "Who has a crush on Jessie?" Grace smiled and shook her head. "Grace," she drew out the name in a threatening tone.

"Oh, wow. Look at the time. I've got homework," she teased before bounding up the stairs.

"That was **not** right. You're not supposed to tease your mother!" She yelled after her. Now the question was going to eat away at her. She sighed and smiled. 

"Morning," Jessie yawned out while stretching on her way downstairs.

"Good morning," Karen said with a smile as Jessie came in. "Sleep good?"

"Yeah. You?" She asked on her way to the refrigerator. 

"I slept fine," she smiled at her daughter. "You and Katie seem to be getting pretty close," she said happily. Jessie shot her a worried look, but quickly erased it before it became too obvious. "She seems like a good friend." Karen continued, thinking back to the two of them giggling madly yesterday.

"Yeah, she is," Jessie replied with a blissful smile plastered to her face.

"Well, are you ready for school?" Karen asked, getting up.

Jessie sighed. "No. But I guess I don't have much of a choice, do I?" She grabbed her things with a, now, glum look.

"Jess, wait up!" Tad yelled, jogging up to her. 

Jessie stopped and waited for him. Before saying anything. "Hi Tad. What's up?" She really didn't want to deal with him, but she didn't want to be mean.

"Where were you this weekend? I tried calling and going over to your house, but they told me you weren't home. They wouldn't tell me where you were either," he let out in one breathe.

Jessie forced a smile. _Great, now I have my own personal stalker. _"I was busy," she really didn't want to talk to him about this, much less anything else.

"Hey Jess," Katie smiled. "Hey Tad," she said warily. Tad sort of backed down, noting his friend's hostility. 

"I have to get going. I have class, wouldn't want to be late. You should look into it Katie," he smirked.

"Bite me," she said as he walked off. Jessie giggled and Katie turned to her with a smile.

To Katie's shock, Jessie pulled her in for a hug. After they pulled apart, Jessie said, "Thank you. Ughh! Tad just bothers me," She stated shaking her head, making Katie laugh.

"Tell me about it. It must be a jock thing," Katie replied. "Well, at least that's what bothers me about him. What bother's you?" She joked.

"Don't get me started," Jessie rolled her eyes. "I think he's stalking me. He said he was calling me and going to my house. Am I the only one who thinks that's creepy?"

"He's a freak," Katie shrugged. "Wait. You mean Grace didn't tell him where you were?" 

Jessie shook her head. "Shocking, huh?" They smiled and walked together toward their respective classes.

Once getting there, Katie had gotten a little nervous. "So, uh, Jess, do you want to hang out or something after school?" She asked while looking down at her feet.

"Well, yeah," Jessie replied in a 'well, duh' tone. "I'll see you later, bye." Katie waved as she left in a chipper mood.

Jessie's class had just let out and she was lost in her thoughts of her and Katie in only forty more minutes. But from behind, someone reached out and grabbed her wrist. She whipped around with an expression of pain written across her face. "Tad!" Jessie pulled her arm back. "What are you doing?" 

"I called your name like three times. You didn't hear me?" Jessie shook her head. "Are you okay?" He asked, noticing her rubbing her wrist.

"I'm fine. Just don't grab me like that?" She said in an evasive tone. Jessie was looking around for someone to come to her rescue.

From a distance, Grace had been watching the two and had resisted every urge to come over, until now. "Hey guys," Grace said, walking up to them.

Jessie smiled appreciatively at her. "Hi Grace," she replied relieved. She turned to Tad and smiled. "I have to go," before walking off, Grace following her.

"What was that all about?" Grace asked, amused once they were in the privacy of the girls bathroom.

Jessie groaned. "He is so annoying. I swear he follows me everywhere. I just want to strangle him ," she rolled her eyes.

There was a short pause where Jessie subconsciously rubbed her wrist. "I didn't tell him," Grace said. Jessie gave her a confused look. "About you trying to kill yourself," Grace whispered, looking around.

Jessie's body went rigid. "Oh, that," she said, avoiding eye contact. Just then, the bell rang. "I have to get to class," she said, looking up.

"Me too," Grace said. "I'll say hi to Katie for you," she smirked before Jessie made it to the door. 

Jessie whipped around. "I...um...we...argh...never mind," she mumbled before heading out. Grace chuckled on her way out.

Once the bathroom was empty, a stall door opened. Sarah stepped out. "My God," she said looking toward the door. "Interesting," she gave a mischievous grin, then she walked to class.

"Hey Grace," Katie began, walking up to Grace in the hallway. Grace turned and gave her a curious expression. "What happened earlier?" 

"What do you mean?" Grace asked, now very confused.

"I talked to Tad and he was acting all weird a few minutes ago. He mumbled something about Jessie, but I didn't understand him."

"I have no idea what he could have been talking about," she replied honestly. 

Katie saw Sarah down the hall, whispering something into someone's ear. "Maybe Sarah knows. Thanks anyway," she smiled. Grace shook her head, not knowing what was going on.

"Sarah, do you know what's going on?" Sarah smirked at Katie. "What is going on? Tad was acting all weird, mumbling something about Jessie," Katie said, knowing that something was up.

"Don't tell me you didn't hear," Katie looked at her with a 'Huh?' expression. Sarah rolled her eyes. "Your buddy tried to kill herself. It's all over school. You didn't know?"

"I knew, but I wasn't about to spread it around school. God, you are such a gossip whore," Katie fumed and walked away, leaving a stunned Sarah behind her. Katie walked outside to get some air and wait for Jessie.

"Katie," Jessie said slowly while walking up to her. Katie turned toward her. "What's going on?" She asked, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Why Jess? What happened?" Katie suddenly sounded panicked.

"Everyone was talking about me and whispering stuff behind my back. What's going on?" She cried out.

Katie couldn't help herself. She pulled Jessie into a hug and Jessie wrapped her arms around Katie, sobbing into her shoulder. "Sarah found out about...Thursday and she started to tell everyone." 

Jessie continued crying and holding onto Katie by her car. "We should go," she mumbled into Katie's ear. Katie nodded her head, the two broke apart, got in and left.

Grace, who had seen the whole thing from a distance, just sighed. She knew that whatever Sarah was up to wasn't good for Jessie. _At least she has Katie now. _At the thought, Grace smiled.

  



	13. Understood Confusion

When Jessie and Katie got to Jessie's house, they immediately went upstairs. They got up into her room and started talking.

"I don't know why Sarah would do that Jess. I have no clue what her problem is," Katie sighed. "She's just a bitch I guess. There's nothing more to it."

"She's your friend and you don't know what she's thinking?" Jessie scoffed, incredulously.

"Yeah? Well, you're my **girlfriend** and I never have any idea how **you** feel!" Katie had yelled it out before she had time to think about it and it shut them both up. It was the first time anyone had used the term girlfriend. 

Jessie just sat down on the bed and looked at her hands. "I'm your girlfriend?" She looked up at Katie, who just stared at her. She noticed Katie's uncertain expression. "I am," she said simply with a smile. 

Katie smiled back and sat down next to Jessie, completely forgetting whatever it was she was yelling about, temporarily postponing the conversation. "You are," she gently whispered in Jessie's ear. 

Their cheeks were pressed together and Katie was able to feel Jessie's smile. She pulled away and looked into Jessie's eyes. They both smiled and Katie leaned in this time, putting her arms around Jessie's waist. Their lips met and, this time, their kiss was more passionate than their previous one from the other day. This kiss had enough intensity to burn bridges and they didn't pull away, not even to breathe. Instead, they just paused long enough to take in a quick breath before continuing.

Katie and Jessie were laying next to each other on her bed staring at the ceiling. They had been talking, but the conversation died down and now they were just enjoying each other's presence. 

Jessie rolled over on her side, propping her head on her arm and looking at Katie, who turned to meet her gaze. "Do you believe in fate?" Jessie asked seriously.

Katie really didn't know how to respond to the question. "Well, if you believe it, then it must be true," she smiled.

Jessie rolled back over and groaned, throwing her arm over her face. "That's not an answer," she uncovered her face to see Katie staring at her with tenderness. "What if I told you I believed that evil lawn gnomes lived under my bed?" She asked, successfully trying to keep a straight face.

"Well," Katie said, pretending to be contemplative. "Well, then I would say that we should grab our rifles and hunt the bastards down," she was failing at preventing a smile from creeping on her face. Jessie lightly pushed Katie over and busting out laughing. This caused Katie to join in.

Jessie rolled over completely onto her stomach, resting her head on her folded arms, but still staring at Katie. "I'm serious though," Katie smirked. "Not about the gnomes dumb ass," she rolled her eyes.

"I found you, didn't I?" Katie said, a soft smile on her face. Jessie returned the smile. "It was either fate or pure dumb luck that I saw you in the auditorium that day after school. I was immediately attracted to you," she said sincerely, lowering her eyes.

Jessie stared at her and smiled. "Me too. Only to you, not myself," she added the last part sheepishly, to avoid confusion. Katie disregarded the last part and gave Jessie a puzzled look. "It took me a while to realize it," she smiled and Katie returned it, slipping Jessie's hand into her own.

Katie smiled wistfully. "I never felt like this before. I want to scream it from the rooftops," she said softly, grabbing Jessie's attention.

"No! We can't!" She hissed, sitting up straight, releasing Katie's hand...and gaze. Katie was confused and hurt. "I just mean that I'm not ready to tell everyone about us yet," she said more calmly. This only mildly eased Katie's steadily increasing list of anxieties.

"I understand," Katie sighed, earning a slight smile from Jessie. She looked at her watch, "I have to go." She stood up and looked down at Jessie. "See you tomorrow," Katie said, gently brushing her hand over Jessie's and leaning down for a quick kiss. "Bye," she said, reluctant to let go of Jessie's hand.

"Bye," Jessie said, sad to see Katie go and knowing she was to blame for it. She got up too, to follow her out the door. 

They descended the stairs in silence. The silence was broken by Katie. "I'll see you tomorrow," she was unsure of what to do now. She didn't know if she should kiss her, hug her, shake hands or what. So, she just said, "Bye."

"Bye," Jessie said, waving as Katie left. She sighed, feeling like a total asshole. Upon turning around, she was face-to-face with Grace. "What?" She was a little unnerved by her very presence.

"What were you and Katie fighting about?" Grace asked, maybe a little too bluntly. 

"I don't know what you are talking about," Jessie said unsurely, shifting her weight and avoiding eye contact.

"Cut the bullshit," Grace whispered. "I know about you and Katie. I heard you guys arguing. Now, what happened?" She pried.

"How...what...when...how?" Jessie groaned, trying to regain her verbal skills before pursuing an actual conversation. "How did you find out?" She seethed.

"It was kind of obvious," Grace said, rolling her eyes.

"How obvious? Grace, who else knows?" Jessie whispered, the urgency still evident in her voice.

"Relax. No one else knows. I could just tell. I have good intuition," she beamed, Jessie just rolled her eyes. Grace cleared her throat, realizing she was impressing no one. "Anyway. I could tell by the way she looked at you and vice-versa."

"Oh," Jessie said, relieved. She sat down in the living room. Grace followed and sat next to her.

"I won't tell anyone. I know that has got to be part of the reason you're upset," Grace offered.

"Apparently that's part of the problem," Jessie scoffed in a self-depreciating way and looked at Grace. "That's what Katie and I were arguing about. I can't tell anyone Grace, especially not now. As if people don't already think I'm a big enough freak."

Grace looked at Jessie, appraising her expression. "I know you can't. Eventually though, you will have to tell people, your parents at least. I'll keep your secret as long as you need me to, okay?" 

Jessie looked at Grace and realized she was sincere. "Thanks Grace. You have no idea how much I really appreciate that," she smiled genuinely at her for the first time in a while, got up and hugged her before heading back upstairs. Grace leaned back and sighed. She still had to talk to Jessie about what happened at school today. _This is going to be hard. _Between both the gay thing and the school thing, Grace had a lot to talk about with Jessie. 

"Grace," Jessie began as she approached her stepsister in the hallway at school. "Can you take me to therapy today?" She asked tentatively and quietly in the hall while looking around to see if anyone heard.

"I can't," Grace said apologetically. "The dress rehearsal for the play is tonight," she studied Jessie's expression a moment. "Can't Katie take you?" Grace didn't know why Katie couldn't take her.

"I haven't seen her all day. I usually see her in the morning, but I didn't today," Jessie said, a little upset.

"If I see her, then I'll ask her, okay?" 

Jessie nodded and smiled weakly. "Thanks," she said before heading off to class. She whipped around. "When is the play anyways?"

The question caught Grace off guard. "It's, uh, in three days," she said through her curiosity. "Why?" She asked suspiciously.

"What, you didn't think I was going to come see you?" Jessie asked incredulously. "I might have to bring a camera. You know, for blackmail purposes," she smirked.

Grace laughed. "No. We would be about even with the amount of dirt we have on each other." 

That wiped Jessie's grin right off. "Pictures are the form of torture that keep on embarrassing."

"Well, then I guess you wouldn't mind if I shared your little secret now then," Grace retorted.

"Yeah, well, you're a butthead," she mumbled, unable to come up with a good comeback. 

Grace chuckled. "I'll talk to Katie if I see her." They smiled before going their separate ways. From nearby, she heard people gossiping and she rolled her eyes. But then, she heard what they were talking about...Jessie.

"Yeah, that's what I heard too. I heard she totally tried to off herself. If I were her, that's what I'd do too," one girl said. Both of the girls laughed. 

Grace stomped up to them, fully prepared to rip them both a new ass. "Who are you talking about?" She asked, in an overly-friendly tone.

"That girl, you know, Jessie Sammler," the second girl said. "We heard she tried to kill herself, I mean wouldn't you," the two giggled again, sounding like complete idiots.

"Now, why would you want to do **that**?" She asked, growing very angry, using her every ounce of self control not to kill them.

"Well, I mean, she's, like, a total loser. I also heard she's heard she was totally anorexic," the first one said.

"Oh, well, did you also hear that I'm her stepsister," Grace ground out lividly. The girls shut their gossipy traps and became incredibly uncomfortable under Grace's glower. "I want you both to get lost before I kick both your asses back to the hole you belong in," she hissed with her voice dangerously low. 

"I'm sorry, we didn't know," the second one defended weakly. The other nodded her head and they both took Grace's advice to amscray. Grace sighed and went to English. _This is going to be a long day. _Grace walked into her English class to see Katie already there. She didn't know what to say, so, she just went over and sat right next to her. 

Katie looked over at Grace and let out a low groan, expecting the worst. "Oh, God. What?" She thought Grace was going to accuse her of something or something equally aggravating.

"Jessie was looking for you this morning," Grace said carefully. "Are you avoiding her or something?"

"No. Why would I do that?" She saw Grace's confused expression. "I had a dentist appointment. I forgot to tell Jessie yesterday, you know, with everything."

"Yeah. She just thought you were avoiding her or skipped or something," Grace rolled her eyes. "Oh, can you do me a favor?" 

Katie didn't know what to expect. "Depends on what it is," she said suspiciously.

"Can you take Jessie to therapy today? I can't because of rehearsals," she whispered so as not to draw anymore unnecessary attention to her stepsister's problems.

"Yeah, of course," Katie chuckled in a 'well, duh' tone and rolling her eyes.

"Thanks," Grace said before the bell rang and class started.

"So, Jessie, how are you, really?" Dr. Rosenfeld asked carefully, fully informed of all recent events. 

She had been looking out the window and his words brought her out of her thoughts. "Better I guess," she said simply and sighed.

He quirked an eyebrow. "You guess? Are they getting better for real or are you trying to get me to drop the subject?" He was quick, this one.

"A little of both," she smiled slightly. He gave her an expression that urged her to continue. Jessie groaned and rolled her eyes before looking at him. "Well, things are still messed up and I know that nothing's going to get resolved overnight. I have to try and resolve this crap on my own. Blah, blah, blah. Happy?" She asked in a frustrated tone, obviously not sincere.

"You started out fine, but near the end of your little discourse, you lost me," Jessie giggled despite herself. "How are things still messed up?" He asked seriously.

Her giggles stopped and she looked at him. "Things are really awkward," he gave her a questioning expression. She sighed and lowered her voice, as if talking to herself. "Everyone acts as if they are walking on eggshells around me. I know they are only trying to help, but it feels strange."

"How does it feel weird?" He asked, Jessie piquing his interest.

"Like, my family will be talking in the kitchen. I'll walk in and they all just stop and turn their attention to me," She rolls her eyes. "'Hey Jess. How are you?' 'Are you feeling okay Jessie?' 'Everything okay Jess?'" She mocks in a contemptuous manner.

"This bothers you? Their concern bothers you?" He was really curious now that Jessie was opening up to him. 

"Yeah...no...It's not that," she grunted in frustration. "They all avoid me and are all cautious when they're around. Then they ask stupid questions just to relieve their guilt from avoiding me in the first place," she says in one breath. Jessie inhales. "That's what bothers me."

"I see. What else is there that's messed up?" He wondered.

"Everybody," she sighs, remembering yesterday. He gives her an inquiring look. "Somehow this girl found out that I..." she took a breath and looked down. "That I tried to kill myself. Well, she doesn't like me and she thought that it would be fun to tell the whole school about it. Now everyone is talking about it," she tried to hide her miserable expression. It didn't work.

"Oh. Do you know who it was? Was it your stepsister that doesn't like you?"

"No, it wasn't Grace. She and I get along now," Jessie smiled at that. "It was this girl named Sarah. She is...was one of Katie's friends."

Dr. Rosenfeld seemed to be taking this all in. "So, you and Grace are getting along now?" He asked with a smile and earning one from Jessie.

"Yeah. She's been really great lately. She's really been a lot of help. We've talked to each other. Grace hasn't been judgmental or snide, but helpful...surprisingly," she giggled.

"That's good. What about you and your mom?" 

"She and I talked through some stuff and we were able to sort out some of our issues," she had the same pleasant smile on her face.

"What about everyone else?" Jessie looked strangely at him. "Eli, Rick, Zoe, Lily. How are you getting along with them?" 

"Aside from the walking on eggshells?" She checked and then thought a moment. "Dad has avoided any conversation other than asking how my day was. Lily only asks if I'm hungry at dinner time," she pauses and smiles at everyone's stupidity. "Eli plays his guitar and only talks to me if I cross his path in the kitchen. Zoe, well, she just kind of looks at me and smiles, but doesn't actually talk," she rolls her eyes, maintaining the grin. 

"So, things are strained at home," he says with a slight frown.

"Like I said, eggshells," she shrugged. "They get uncomfortable. I think they're afraid that they'll say the wrong thing and I'll try and off myself again."

"Would you?" He started to chew on his pen cap.

"No. I just wish I could, you know, talk to them again. I feel like I can't anymore. Whenever they look at me, they have these sad expressions on their faces. It' like I'm not even there, like I'm an illusion."

"How so?" _Intriguing. I never heard ** that **one before. _

"It' like they don't look **at **me, they look **through **me. It's like I **am** dead and they are just reminiscing," Jessie sighed.

"I think that if you give it some time, then they'll come around," he offered.

"When their ready to talk, then we will I guess," she sighed and looked at the clock. "I'll see you Thursday," she smiled and left. Dr. Rosenfeld smiled back.


	14. The Gay-Straight Alliance

"Grace, I need to ask you something" Jessie began as she stood in the doorway of Grace's room. 

"What is it?" She replied, not even looking up from her book.

"Can you give me a ride to Rosenfeld's tomorrow?" Jessie asked, sheepishly staring at her feet.

"Why can't Katie do it?" Grace asked with a grin and, finally, looking up from her book so as to look at Jessie.

Jessie rolled her eyes. "She has some errands to run...or something, for her mom," she said. "Can you or not?"

"There's a meeting for the Gay-Straight Alliance tomorrow. So, if I end up taking you to therapy, then you'd have to go to the meeting," Grace said with a smirk.

Jessie groaned as Grace's smirk widened. "Tell me you're kidding," she pleaded. Grace gave Jessie a taunting expression. "You're not," her face fell. "You can't be a little late?"

"Nope," she said smugly. "I think that you **should **go," Grace said, her tone was thoughtful and sincere. 

"Why?" Jessie asked, exasperated. "Why do you think that?"

"Oh, please. Are you afraid of what people are going to think?" Grace asked, incredulous. "One: You **are** gay. Two: Just because you go to **a** meeting, doesn't mean people will think you are. Three: You don't have anyone else to give you a ride," she stated very matter-of-factly and with a smile creeping its way to her face.

"You know what? I don't care. I'm not going to the meeting," Jessie said adamantly, folding her arms. Grace just grinned, going back to her book.

"I can not believe I have to go to this stupid meeting," Jessie grumbled, glaring at Grace. "I really, really hate you. I just want you to know that before we get there," she said as Grace grinned at her.

"I think it will be a very valuable learning experience for you," Grace retorted, trying not to bust out laughing in the middle of her sentence. She failed. "Jess, come on. It is just one meeting. Straight people will be there too, you know. They won't think anything of your mere presence."

"My 'mere presence'?" Jessie repeated incredulous and pissy. "Gee, thanks Grace. You sure do wonders for the self-esteem. I am going to find a dark corner to curl up and die in now," she rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Besides, I'm just going to do homework or something while you confer with...cult or whatever," she waved her hand for effect.

"It's a club Jessie," Grace ground out, insulted, then she noticed Jessie's grin. "Ha ha. You're a laugh riot," she said in flat tone. 

"I know," Jessie said condescendingly. "I just hope nobody sees me," she murmured lowly, but Grace still heard her.

"Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?" Grace asked in a mock-hurt manner. She saw Jessie's miserable expression. "You don't want anyone to think...er...know that you're gay?" She asked seriously.

"That's the last thing I need right now Grace," Jessie said, beginning to tear up. "People are still talking about me trying to kill myself. I really don't want to throw **this** in to further alienate myself from the rest of the school."

Grace's face softened. "I'm sorry Jess. I didn't know," she paused. "If I had, then I wouldn't have pushed you to go," she said, somewhat passing as an apology.

"It's fine. I'll be fine. It's only one night right? How many people were there last week?" Jessie asked, hoping that the number would be minimal.

"There were about fifteen," Grace said. "But, this week, we are expecting it to be at least doubled," she added sheepishly with pride seeping through.

Jessie sunk in her seat. "That's so great," she said sincerely, "for you," she added in the form of a grumble.

Grace chose to ignore it, for now. "We're here," she said as they pulled up. "Don't worry, everything will be fine," she said in, what she hoped, was a comforting tone. She gently squeezed Jessie's shoulder before she got out.

Jessie got out of the car and paused to sigh before following Grace up the steps, they were the first people there. "So, what do you guys talk about anyway?" She asked, catching up to Grace.

"Well, we are going to organize a Gay-Straight dance," she said, taken aback by the question. "People will be able to go with whoever they want and not have to feel like they're being judged. In theory, of course," she said very pointedly at Jessie, who glared at Grace.

Before Jessie had a chance to protest, the door opened. "Hey, come on in," Mr. Dimitri said once he opened the door. They did. "Everyone else should be here in a couple of minutes. You can go and get ready," he smiled. "Who's this?" He asked, just now noticing Jessie.

"Uh, this is Jessie, my stepsister," Grace said, glancing at Jessie.

"Ah, good. It's always great to see others taking an interest in an issue that normally seems to be too taboo to talk many, especially in Lynchburg, VA," he babbled, adding the last part as almost an afterthought.

Jessie rolled her eyes. "This is the only meeting I'll be attending," this pulled him out of his ramblings and he gave her a questioning look. "I had no choice really," she ground out, glaring at Grace.

"Oh. I see," he said a little disappointed. "Well, hopefully after tonight, you will change your mind," he said slowly and hopefully.

"I doubt it, but it wouldn't hurt to find out," Jessie replied with a shrug. She really didn't have any intention of coming to another one of these god-forsaken meetings, but she didn't want to make him feel bad. He perked up and gave her a slight smile of appreciation. _He has no life at all. _

Jessie found a seat in the corner of the room and pulled out her stuff for homework. That's when people started to arrive. Amongst these people was Katie, who immediately noticed Jessie off in the corner. She turned to leave, but didn't stand a chance. "Katie!?" Grace called before she had made it to the door.

Jessie's head shot up. Katie knew she was busted as Jessie scowled at her. "Um, hi Grace, Jessie," she gave them nervous expression as she tried to smile. "I didn't think you would be here," she said, avoiding eye contact with her girlfriend.

"No shit," Jessie was livid. "I thought that you had to help your mom with some stuff," she had her arms folded.

"I did. I also wanted to go to the meeting. You know, to check it out," she said, looking down at her hands. "What are **you **doing here anyways?" She said turning things around. "I thought you didn't want anyone to know," she whispered quietly.

"I don't!" Jessie yelled defensively, earning looks from others around them. The people just turned their attention away because the meeting was getting ready to start. "I don't," Jessie repeated quietly.

"Well, then why are you here? And why is it wrong that I'm here?" Katie asked, folding her arms and tapping her foot.

"Okay, to answer your first question, I was forced to come. You couldn't take me to therapy so I had to go with Grace. Since the meeting started afterwards and Grace didn't want to be late, she had to take me here," Jessie said the last part with disgust. "I protested the whole way. I don't want to be here."

"Okay," Katie drew out. "Well, why are you so angry at me for coming?" She asked, not giving the fight up completely.

"I don't care that you came. I just wish you'd told me, that's all," Jessie said calmly. She sat back down to continue her homework. The conversation was now officially over Katie figured as she sat next to Jessie, watching her.

"What do you think Jessie?" Mr. Dimitri asked with a smirk, pulling her away from her homework. 

Jessie popped her head up, obviously not expecting anyone to acknowledge her at all during the course of the meeting. "Uh, about what?" Some of the others snickered, including Katie, whom of which Jessie scowled at. Grace just sat there, angry at her teacher for picking on Jessie.

"We were discussing the dance that will be taking place in a couple of weeks. You were being very quiet, I figured that you must have some thoughts on it," he smirked and Jessie gave him a blank look. "You're as much a part of this meeting as everyone else."

"I don't have any thoughts, suggestions, comments or anything. You all seem to have it under control," she smirked back at Dimitri with the same patronizing attitude he had given her.

"Surely you must," he further pursued. 

She was getting pissed. She closed her notebook and glared at him. "Why don't you get some kind of theme?" Jessie ground out, trying to get him off her ass.

"We have one. Gay and straight people getting together," an obnoxious jock said, getting a few snickers from his friends.

"No duh," Jessie rolled her eyes. "But if that's the theme, then you won't attract much interest. Plus that you'll just have a bunch of confused teens show up," she stated. She realized how the last part would have double meaning. "I mean that the people that do show up are probably only there because someone dared them."

"Ah. So what do you suggest?" Dimitri asked with increasing interest. 

"Oh, no. I did my part. The theme is up to you guys," she backed down. Everyone just stared at her. "I don't know! How about your theme be Sigfried and Roy?" She was excruciatingly frustrated.

"There's an idea," Grace said. Everyone gave her a questioning look. "It could be like a Halloween thing since they fall at about the same time."

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever," she mumbled, trying to go back to whatever it was that she was doing. Katie looked at Jessie and smiled at her. Jessie glanced up and glared at her, only causing Katie to giggle. "It's **not **funny," Jessie growled menacingly. 

"Yeah it is," Katie said with a grin. Jessie shook her head to the negative with a scowl. 

"I am **never **letting Grace drag me to another one of those stupid meetings," Jessie griped at Katie as the two were headed back to the Manning-Sammler household.

"You mean to tell me you didn't have fun?" Katie wondered teasingly. Jessie shook her head vehemently. "Are you sure? Not even a little?" She continued.

"I would rather have had more fun getting a root canal," Jessie informed her taunting girlfriend.

"At least you got your homework done," Katie pointed out with a grin. 

Jessie smiled at her. "That is the only good thing that came out of this," she grinned. Katie had a thoughtful expression on her face. "What's wrong?" she asked, concerned.

"I was just thinking," Katie began, obviously something on her mind.

Jessie noticed this and decided to give her a hard time. "Are you okay? Stop if it hurts. Maybe you should lay down," Jessie grinned.

Katie turned and glared at her. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Katie asked as she suggestively raised an eyebrow. Jessie slapped her arm. Then, Katie's expression turned serious again. "I was wondering," she paused to see if Jessie wanted to make any comments. She didn't. "Maybe you'd want to go to the dance with me?" Katie mumbled quietly.

Jessie didn't know what to say, she hadn't expected that one. "I...uh. Isn't it a little too early to be thinking about that already?" Katie gave her a questioning look. "It's like a month away. We don't have to worry about it yet," Jessie countered.

"Yeah. I guess you're right," Katie tried to sound positive, but her disappointment seeped through. _That's a 'no'._ She sighed, knowing Jessie locked herself in the closet on the fast track of denial.

"Jessie," Grace said, trying to gain her stepsister's attention. Jessie was listening to her headphones, so, she didn't hear Grace the first half-dozen times. 

"What?" She asked, taking them off her head and sitting up. Jessie was frustrated and really didn't want to talk to the evil person who drug her to the Gay-Straight meeting.

"I just wanted to talk to you," Grace said, fiddling with her hands and avoiding eye contact.

"What? Are you organizing the Gay Pride Parade this year too?" Jessie asked with a smirk. 

Grace smiled at her. "No, nothing like that," she paused, "Well, it's part of it." Jessie gave Grace a puzzled expression. "I don't know why you're hiding this," she blurted.

"Yeah, you do," Jessie slowly said. "I told you earlier. I don't want something else to have to deal with," she sighed, falling back on her bed.

"Jessie, this is more than something you have to deal with. You have to be honest. Eventually people will find out. It will just be easier if you're the one to tell them," Grace said.

"That's very enlightening Grace," Jessie rolled her eyes. "No one will find out unless **you **tell them because **I **certainly won't say anything," she scoffed.

"Oh yeah? What about Katie, how does she feel about this?" Grace crossed her arms and gave Jessie a stern expression.

"She hasn't said anything," Jessie responded, growing more unsure.

"No. She hasn't said anything **yet**. You don't think that she'll want to?" Jessie didn't look at her. "You're kidding. You don't think she will. I do not believe you Jess!" Grace was genuinely shocked at Jessie. 

"I don't want her to. I told her that. I told her I wasn't ready," Jessie defended.

"When will you be, huh? A week, a month, a year, two years, ten years?" Grace was waving her arms incredulously. "It will only get harder the longer you deny it."

Jessie scoffed. "I just don't want anybody to find out, that's all."

"Why? To keep up with your 'perfect' image?" Grace growled condescendingly. "It doesn't exist anymore Jess. It disappeared a long time ago," she added, rubbing salt in the wound.

"You don't think I know that!" Jessie yelled. "You don't think I am painfully aware of that Grace! The last thing I need is something else for people to whisper about," she was furious now. "Yeah, you know what? We should. Let's see how much more fucked up people see me as!"

Grace was taken aback. She recovered quickly. "You need to stop worrying about what people think. You need to start thinking about what, and who, you want and need. For Katie's sake as much as your own," she said softly.

Jessie's shoulders sank. "Easy for you to say. You don't have to deal with all this shit," she said.

"I'll help you through it Jess. I'll help you get through all of this, if you let me," Grace said gently as she put her hand on Jessie's shoulder.

Jessie shrugged her hand off as she stood up, leaving Grace there, confused. "No. I can't. I'm not ready," she said quietly in an apologetic tone. 

"Okay," Grace said sadly. "But if you ever need..." she trailed off as Jessie sullenly nodded. Grace walked out of Jessie's room, glancing back to see Jessie put her head in her hands.

"Friday at last!" Jessie chirped on her way down stairs with her backpack over her shoulders. Everyone just turned to stare at her with questioning expressions. "What?" She asked, barely glancing up. 

"Uh, nothing," Lily said, cautiously moving toward Jessie as if she were a rabid dog. "Are you feeling okay?" She asked, moving her hand to Jessie's forehead to see if it was hot.

Jessie rolled her eyes and laughed. "Yeah. I'm fine. What's wrong with you guys this morning?" She asked noticing their clueless expressions. She shook her head and walked toward the door.

"Oh, Jess," Rick called. "Did you have fun at that Gay-Straight Alliance meeting last night?" He knew full well that Grace dragged her, but he was curious.

Jessie stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. "No, not really," she ground out, glaring at Grace, who sank down in her seat and cowered behind her bowl of Corn Flakes.

Grace decided that she and Jessie should talk. "I'm giving you a ride," she said as more of a command than an offer.

"Um, okay," Jessie said, to surprised to decline. Grace jumped out of her seat, put her bowl in the sink and walked outside with Jessie.

"What did you tell them?" Jessie asked immediately after they got out of the house. 

"About what?" Grace asked, confused as they got into the car.

"About the meeting last night?" Jessie cleared up. "What did you tell them? What does Dad care if I had fun?" 

"Do you have any idea how paranoid you sound?" Jessie looked at her strangely and Grace rolled her eyes. "He was just curious. I didn't tell him anything except about the dance thing."

"Oh," Jessie relaxed. "What about the dance thing?" She wondered.

"That Dimitri asked you what you thought and you helped come up with the Halloween idea," Grace smiled.

"No," Jessie defended mock-serious. "You came up with **that** on your own. I just said we needed a theme."

"Yeah, if Sigfried and Roy could be classified as such," Grace said, trying not to laugh. She got serious again after a few moments. "I'm sorry about last night. I said some things I shouldn't have," she apologized sincerely.

"It's okay," she replied softly. "But, I **did **mean everything I said. There's nothing I want to take back," Jessie said tenaciously. "I'm not telling anyone," she shook her head solemnly. 

"Are people still giving you a hard time about...you know," Grace asked, concerned.

Jessie shifted uneasily in her seat, her fire wearing down. "Yeah, sort of," she mumbled uncomfortably. "It's kind of died down a bit, but they're still talking."

"Uh, yeah. I've heard them. Half the stuff they say isn't even true," Grace said, trying to ease Jessie's mind.

"Yeah, but still, I just wish it'd blow over," Jessie sighed. "Hey, you've got the play tonight, don't you?" Jessie asked, desperately trying to change the subject as they pulled up to the school.

"Yeah," Grace said when they got out of the car. She wasn't about to let Jessie shift the conversation. "Are you coming?" Jessie nodded with a grin. "Is Katie coming with you?" Grace asked with a grin of her own.

"I don't know," Jessie mumbled, glaring at Grace, who just kept smirking.

"You should ask her to come with you," Grace said seriously. "I bet she'd appreciate the gesture, especially after how you treated her last night," she added the last part, trying to be nonchalant.

"Subtlety is not your strong suit," Jessie informed Grace matter-of-factly. "Hey! What do you mean, how I treated her?" 

"What do you mean 'what do I mean? You were totally defensive and started ragging on her for coming? You were an uber-bitch to her and she still forgave you. I think you should go with her...**and **apologize," Grace instructed.

"I'll ask her," she relented, rolling her eyes. "I was not an uber-bitch," she mumbled under her breath, escaping the ears of Grace.

"Well," Grace began with a big grin. "Here's your chance, here she comes now," Jessie whipped her head around to see Katie coming. 

"I hate you," Jessie growled. Grace just smirked and left the two alone.

"What's her deal?" Katie asked after Grace was out of sight. "What was she so happy about?"

"She's just harassing me as per usual," Jessie smiled with a fake sigh. "Beat her up for me?" She begged jokingly.

"I'll challenge her to a duel!" Katie shouted, laughing with Jessie. 

"She was just talking about the play tonight," Jessie said, feigning casualness.

"Oh?" Katie asked, quirking an eyebrow, knowing this was going somewhere. "That's tonight?"

"Uh, yeah, it is. Did you want to go with me tonight?" Jessie asked, suddenly very shy. She wasn't sure how Katie would react.

"Well, yeah. Of course," she answered in a 'well, duh' tone. Jessie looked up and smiled. "I was going to ask you, but you beat me to it," Katie grinned. She was relieved that Jessie had been the one to ask.

The bell chose that moment to ring. "Cool. Well, I'll see you later then," Jessie said, taking off with a goofy grin plastered on her face. Katie just waved goodbye. _Tonight's going to be **great**!_


	15. The Play

A/N: I apologize for taking so long with this chapter, but I had hit a period of being busy with school and other things. Don't worry, it won't happen again, I swear. :) I hope you like it and tell me what you think. 

"Bye guys!" Jessie called on her way out the door with Katie. "I'll see you there," she said as she ran out the door, pulling Katie with her by the arm.

"Bye," Katie said and gave a slight wave as Jessie pulled her out the door.

"Bye," Lily said, puzzled as to why Jessie would be in such a hurry to leave. After all, the play wasn't going to start for another hour.

"What's the rush Billie?" Katie asked curiously with a grin.

Jessie giggled. "No rush. I just didn't want to spend anymore time with them than necessary," she shrugged with a smirk. 

"So, who all's going to be there?" Katie asked. Jessie gave her a puzzled expression. Katie rolled her eyes and sighed. "From your family. Are they all coming?"

"Eli said he would, but he's probably too doped up to remember," Jessie and Katie giggled, knowing how true it was. "My dad, Lily and Zoe are definitely coming though. I'm not sure about my mom though," she said the last part ponderingly.

"Are you excited to see Grace in the play? I can't wait," Katie said with a huge grin.

"Me neither," a mischievous smirk appeared on her face. "This will give me something to mock her on for the rest of her life. I even brought a camera," she stated proudly, pulling the camera out of her bag. 

"Why would you do that?" Katie laughed. Then she looked at Jessie. "You love to torture her," she said matter-of-factly.

"Pictures for posterity...and the torture part of course," she grinned. "She doesn't know that I brought it. She'd kill me," they both laughed.

"That's **real **nice," Katie said, the sarcasm dripping. _God I love her._ She looked over at Jessie. "What are you **doing**?" She asked with a giggle as Jessie was messing with the camera.

"Trying to figure out if the flash-" she was cut off by the camera going off in her face. "-is on," she grumbled agitatedly, Katie trying to stifle her giggles.

"I guess it is, huh?" She asked, finally letting go. Jessie turned and glared at her, causing Katie to laugh even harder. Jessie picked up the camera and aimed it at Katie and took a picture. Katie stopped laughing and scowled at Jessie. "**That **was uncalled for," she grumbled and returned her eyes to the road. Jessie just flashed a triumphant grin.

"When did you say this started?" Katie asked Jessie as they walked into the school. There was about a hundred people there already.

"I'm not sure. I think it was something like eight or around there," she shrugged. "It's only seven-thirty," she said as she glanced at her watch.

"Now Jessie, what kind of sister are you when you can't even remember what time your sister's play starts?" Katie said in mock angry tone. 

"She's **not **my sister," Jessie growled. 

Katie smiled at Jessie and pulled her into a hug. "I am **so **sorry Jess. Will you ever forgive me?" She asked dramatically. 

Jessie's eyes all but bugged out of her head with shock. "What are you doing?" She asked, pulling herself out of Katie's embrace.

"What are you talking about?" Katie asked with a confused expression. "Jess, what's wrong with you?" She asked, hurt by Jessie's reaction.

"Yeah, it's just...we can't..." she threw her arms in the air in frustration, "Never mind," she sighed. "Are you ready to go in?" Jessie asked after finally being able to look Katie in the eyes again. She saw Katie's emerald eyes looking deeply into her own sapphire ones, as if she was looking into her soul. Jessie averted her eyes, preventing Katie from continuing her gaze. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"It's okay," Katie said, stopping Jessie mid-sentence. "Let's go in," she said with a smile. _Jessie will come around eventually...I hope._ She thought anxiously with a sigh as they walked inside.

As they walked inside, a person in a very bad costume came running up to them. "Hey you guys," they said with a grin. Neither of them could place the person behind the make-up.

"Grace?" Jessie said incredulously. Grace nodded. "Oh my god," she said starting to laugh. "You look like a hooker from the '50's," she cried out between giggles of which Katie soon joined in. 

Grace rolled her eyes with her arms folded. "Thank you ever so much Jess. I thought you were here for moral support, but no, no. You came to make fun of me," Grace said, trying to elicit sympathy from Katie at least.

"You're not going to be **that **melodramatic onstage, are you?" Katie asked unable to help herself as Jessie stifled a giggle.

"I can't believe you **both **are ganging up on me now," she whined, then turned to Jessie with a glare. "You've turned her into you," she sniped. 

"Oh please," Katie rolled her eyes. "As if that would be such a bad thing," she said in a matter-of-fact tone. Jessie smiled over at her and Grace saw it.

"That is so cute," Grace mocked-adorableness. 

"Hey Grace," Jessie said. "Don't you, like, have a play to perform?" She asked, trying to get rid of her increasingly annoying stepsister.

"Okay, okay. I get it," Grace grinned, backing down. "I'll see you later." She smiled at them both as they walked over to find their seats.

After they sat down, Katie turned to Jessie. "She knows?" She asked in a cautious whisper.

"Yes," Jessie sighed. "She somehow figured it out before I did," she mumbled.

"Oh," Katie said, not sure how to answer. She wondered how Jessie felt about it. "How did she find out?" Katie asked quietly.

"I'm actually not sure," Jessie said, then she scoffed. "Grace figured it out, but my parents and brother, who have known me my whole life, are clueless," she rolled her eyes. "They are so completely dense," she said, somewhat disappointed.

"Do you like it that way?" Katie asked, knowing full well that, in this case, Jessie wanted her whole family to remain clueless. Jessie just shrugged. "What about Grace, will she tell anyone about...us?"

"No. She's actually been really great about it. She said that she won't tell anyone," Jessie shared a smile with Katie. "She said that she'd let me do that," she frowned.

"Well, that's good, right?" Katie urged. "That she's keeping this big secret for you," Katie smiled.

"Yeah, but, she kept trying to push the fact that I should just come out and tell everyone," Jessie said, almost to herself. "I think it's getting ready to start," Jessie whispered, signaling the end of the conversation.

From behind the curtains, Sarah Grasser saw Katie and Jessie talking. Her eyes clouded over with anger. _I am **so** going to kill that bitch. _She wasn't sure, but she felt that something was going on between them and she determined to find out. The house lights dimmed and she was pulled out of her thoughts, but before she did, Katie spotted her staring at them. Sarah looked like a deer caught in the headlights as Katie cast her a menacing glare. She stepped back behind the curtains.

During the course of the play, Katie kept glancing over at Jessie, who was completely engrossed in it. She smiled thinking of how serious Jessie looked. Katie reached over to hold Jessie's hand. They grazed against each other causing Jessie to jump and gasp. "What are you doing?" She hissed at a startled Katie..

"I was just...I was just trying to hold your hand," she replied, exasperated. Jessie's expression softened and she went to say something. "No. It's fine, forget about it," Katie said as she noticed Jessie's sorry expression. She was glad it was dark because she was on the verge of tears. They both turned their attention back to the play.

Jessie glanced over at Katie minutes later and saw the tears brimming in her eyes. She couldn't help but feel awful. To make amends, she moved her hand over and slipped her hand in Katie's, discreetly of course. Katie looked over with a puzzled expression and Jessie leaned into Katie's ear. "I'm sorry," she whispered softly. 

All Katie could feel were the sensations running through her body with Jessie so close to her. As Jessie whispered into her ear, she felt her warm breath on her neck causing her whole body to tingle. With Jessie's body rubbing against her, she felt all the hair on her arm stand up. She closed her eyes because these feelings were to intense to keep them open. Never once in her whole life did Katie know that just being near someone could make a person feel like this...like they were flying.

Jessie smiled, pulled her body away and looked at Katie, who had her eyes closed still. Katie opened her eyes slowly upon sensing Jessie's subtle movement, yearning for it to return. She gently turned her head and met Jessie's soft gaze. They smiled tenderly at one another before returning their attention to the play.

After the play was over, they went backstage to meet up with Grace and the others before leaving. "So, what'd you think?" Grace said, practically bouncing over to them with a mile-wide grin. She knew full well that they had their attention focused on each other, but she still wanted to ask.

"You were great," Jessie said with a blissful smile on her face.

Jessie nudged Katie, who was staring at her. "Yeah," Katie said with the same smile Jessie held. "You were really good. I never knew Shakespeare could be so entertaining," she said, lying.

"Nice save," Grace said as Jessie giggled at her girlfriend's weirdness. "You almost had me fooled with a response that so obviously came out of your ass," she said as sincerely as that phrase can be taken.

"Well, a person can try, can't they?" Katie asked with a shrug. She looked up and saw Sarah glaring at her from the other side of the room. "I'll be right back," she said seriously, glancing at Jessie with a grin.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sarah growled as Katie walked up to her. 

Katie, didn't say anything, she just grabbed Sarah by the arm and pulled her into a corner. Before she said anything, she glanced back at Jessie, who was talking with Grace and some of her family. "What's wrong with you?" Katie asked.

"I could ask you the same thing," Sarah growled. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing, I'm not blind," she cried out.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Katie answered weakly.

"Like hell you **don't**," Sarah cried out. "Don't you fucking lie to me Katie," she said.

"Okay, I will," Katie relented, not completely willing to tell all.

"How could you do this to me?" Sarah cried. Katie was about to defend herself, but Sarah stopped her. "No, don't even. You knew I liked Jessie, I even told you. Now you're going out with her," she accused, incredulous and disgusted with her, now, former-friend.

"Sarah, I-" Katie began apologetically.

"Hey," Jessie interrupted cautiously as she walked into a seemingly heated conversation. "Are you ready to go?" She asked Katie, glancing over at the now silent Sarah.

"Uh, yeah. Let's go," Katie said looking back over to Sarah. "Bye. I'll see you later."

"Bye," Jessie said politely with a wave. As somewhat of an afterthought, Jessie turned around. "You were really good tonight," she added with a smile before walking off. Jessie turned back to Katie and as their voices faded out, Sarah watched Jessie and heard her ask Katie, "So, do you want to spend the night?" 

"Sure," she heard Katie respond as she looked back over her shoulder to notice Sarah with a pained expression. Katie gave her an apologetic look. Sarah desperately wanted to say or do something to stop them, but she was paralyzed, or so it seemed. Instead, she just stood there and watched them walk off, absolutely crushed. 


	16. The Truth of the Matter

"So, what were you and Sarah talking about?" Jessie asked on the way back to the Manning house.

"Oh...um. It was nothing important. I was just telling her how good she was and stuff," Katie said, lying and not looking at Jessie.

"Liar," Jessie said with a smile. "She seemed really upset. Her face was all red, I thought she was going to have a stroke," she said furrowing her brow.

"Yeah, she was upset about something," Katie said sheepishly. Her girlfriend gave her a questioning look. "I'm not really sure what it was about though," she looked over to see if Jessie bought it. She did.

"It must have been really personal because she clammed up after I came over," Jessie said nonchalantly. 

Katie glanced over. "Yeah, must've been." _Poor Jessie._ She sighed, turning back to the road. _You have no idea what's going on._ _You have no idea how involved you already are._

"What's been up with you two lately?" Jessie asked, earning a blank stare from Katie. "Like, you haven't hung out with her at all. I thought you two were friends."

"Well," Katie began, "we were," she said slowly. "Things got kind of...strained," Katie said, not sure how to put it. She didn't want to tell Jessie **everything**, even though Jessie deserved to know.

"Oh," she replied. Katie obviously didn't want to talk about it. They then pulled into the driveway of the Manning house. "Let's go," Jessie smiled, giving Katie a reassuring hand squeeze before they got out of the car and walked up to the house.

Jessie and Katie were sprawled out on Jessie's floor, occasionally tossing an M&M at the other. Katie had a contented expression, that is, until a green M&M bounced off her forehead. "Hey!" Katie yelped, jumping up with a grin. "You better knock it off," she warned playfully.

"What if I don't, then what?" Jessie asked slyly, with a grin threatening to appear. Katie's grin disappeared as she stood up. "Well, then I'd have to kill you," she said firmly. Another M&M went flying through the air to hit her in the nose. "That's it," she said as she pounced on Jessie and started to tickle her.

Jessie started screaming and laughing trying to get Katie off of her. "Stop! Stop!" Jessie squealed in between shrieks of laughter. Unfortunately for her, Katie had Jessie pinned down. She had her knees over Jessie's body and one hand holding both of Jessie's hands over her head. Katie used her free hand to tickle her.

"Hey," Grace said from next to the stairs. Jessie and Katie looked up to see Grace standing there with a big grin on her face.

Katie rolled off Jessie, laughing. "Hey Grace," she grinned, pleased with herself for winning. Jessie cast Grace the 'this-better-be-important' glare because she interrupted them. "What's up?" Katie asked, wondering why Grace hadn't said anything.

Shaken out of her thoughts, Grace answered. "Rick and Mom wanted to know if you guys wanted popcorn or something," Grace smirked.

"We're good," Jessie answered quickly, trying to get Grace to leave. Katie smiled at Jessie affectionately. "Bye," Jessie said. 

"Bye," Grace said with a huge grin on her face. "Have fun," she tossed over her shoulder before closing the attic door. 

Jessie scowled at the place where Grace had just been standing. When she turned around, her lips were met with Katie's. Her eyes widened with the initial shock, but she quickly eased into it. Soon, Jessie and Katie were making out intensely on the floor of her room. One of Katie's hands was on Jessie's back and the other was one her neck. Jessie had one hand cupped on Katie's face and the other in her hair.

"Jessie!" Lily called from downstairs. 

Jessie groaned and reluctantly pulled away from Katie. "Yeah!" She yelled back, irritated. "What it is?" Jessie grumbled as Katie smiled at her.

"I wanted to tell you that Rick and I are going to bed and I wanted to say goodnight," Lily said on her way up the stairs. She saw the flustered expression on Jessie's face and the grin on Katie's. "What were you two up to?" Lily asked with a smirk.

"Nothing," Jessie answered, perhaps a little too quickly. Katie shot her a slightly pained expression. "We were just talking," she cleared up with a smile at Lily and an apologetic expression at Katie.

"Oh," Lily said with a smile. "We'll see you guys in the morning," she said as she went downstairs. _They were probably talking about Tad. _She shook her head at the silly nature of teenage girls. _I'm glad Jessie's finally got a good friend she talk to about this kind of stuff._ Then, her mind went back to Grace **and **the Gay-Straight Alliance. Lily sighed and closed the door.

Jessie groaned. "I hate my family," she mumbled. "I'm getting a lock put on that door," she said and Katie laughed. 

"That's probably a good idea," she smiled as she leaned back in to kiss Jessie once more.

Katie and Jessie had turned off the lights and laid down to go to sleep over an hour ago. Jessie stared at the ceiling, not being able to sleep. Jessie couldn't help but worry about as to what would happen next between them. One thing was for sure, she wasn't ready to let anyone, except Grace, know about them. Also, she wasn't sure when, or if, she ever would be ready to tell...anyone.

She turned her head and watched the sleeping form of her girlfriend. At the sight, Jessie smiled and left her thoughts behind her. Jessie gently laid her head on Katie's chest, careful not to wake her. With her head on Katie's chest, Jessie closed her eyes and let her breaths deepen. All she did was lay there, silent and still, listening to Katie's steady heartbeat. It was to this sound that Jessie finally drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Light slowly crept across the room. It filtered through the curtains, casting a heavenly glow across the attic. At this first light, Katie stirred. She looked down at a still sleeping Jessie. A lazy smile crept upon her face as she studied how angelic Jessie looked at this very moment. Katie wished that she could freeze this moment and stay here forever. She then came upon the realization that she should write for Hallmark and she giggled. 

Jessie, who had actually been awake the whole time, heard, and felt, the giggle and looked up, startling Katie. "Hey," Jessie said with a shy smile. 

"Hey yourself," Katie responded with the same smile. There was a comfortable pause where they both just stared at one another. "How long have you been awake beautiful?"

Jessie blushed at the compliment. "A while," she answered simply. Katie quirked an eyebrow and Jessie smiled. "About an hour or so," she said, glancing at the clock by her bed. 

"And what have you been doing that whole time?" Katie asked playfully.

"Listening to your heart beat," Jessie said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She regained her previous position, with her head on Katie's chest, and let out a contented sigh. 

Katie laid there, taking in the calmness of the moment. She looked at the ceiling with a soft smile on her face. There was no other way either girl would rather spend her morning than like this. Katie let her mind wander. She thought of last night, of Jessie holding her hand, then, she thought of Sarah. Her smile faded and she had an intense expression now.

Jessie looked up once more. "What are you thinking about?" She asked with a curious smile.

Katie was shaken out of her thoughts. "You," she answered with a grin. Jessie flashed her a 'try again' smirk. Katie sighed. "and Sarah too," she conceded.

"Why?" Jessie asked, perplexed. "Why would you be thinking about us?" She asked with a confused look. "Was it about her telling everyone about..." Jessie trailed off, not wanting to say it.

"No! No, not about that," Katie said. "It was that she was glaring at me from behind the curtains just before the play started."

"Why would she glare at you? You didn't do anything. It was probably me. She doesn't like me," Jessie said matter-of-factly, possibly trying to make Katie feel better.

"Because of what she was saying about you, right?" Katie asked to make sure. "If that be the case, then why were you so nice to her last night?" She was referring to Jessie's complimenting Sarah on her performance.

"She was good last night," Jessie replied simply. Katie gave her a stern look. "Sure, she doesn't like me, but that doesn't give me the right to be a total bitch to her," she shrugged.

"You're right, it doesn't," Katie said, contemplating Jessie's words. "She doesn't **hate** you," she said. 

"Oh yeah?" Jessie asked with an amused grin. "Then what is it that she feels toward me?" 

Katie swallowed the lump in her throat, not sure of where she would take this. "Well, she couldn't possibly hate **you**," Jessie quirked an eyebrow. "You're just so damn irresistible.," Katie grinned.

Jessie, turning beet red, playfully shoved Katie onto her back with a giggle. "Stop it," she said, shyly. Then, Jessie climbed on top of her girlfriend, straddled her and held Katie's hands down as she leaned down to kiss her.

Hours later, Jessie and Katie bounded downstairs to greet the other members of the family. They both had big grins plastered on their faces.

"Sleep good girls?" Lily asked taking note of their extremely good moods. They were too busy talking about something else that they didn't take notice. Lily just grinned at how happy they are together.

"Morning Jess, Katie," Grace grinned as the two sat next to each other at the table, and across from Grace. They turned and Katie smiled.

"Morning," Jessie said swiftly before going back to Katie.

Before Jessie or Katie could say anything more, Lily cut herself back into the conversation. "So, what are you girls up to today?" 

"Not sure yet," Katie said briefly as Jessie groaned at the interruption. Katie knew that she really had to talk to Sarah eventually, but she was putting it off as long as humanly possible. "Want to see a movie?" She asked, turning to Jessie.

"Yeah," Jessie said, jumping out of her seat. She had been looking for any reason for them to leave Grace and Lily's presence. It wasn't that she didn't like them, that was part of it, but she just wanted to be with Katie. "I'll go change," she said, heading toward the stairs with Katie following. 

Katie turned in time to see Grace's mischievous grin. She scowled at her. "We'll be back later."

Lily just smiled, oblivious to the drama unfolding around her. "Okay, see you girls later." Katie then went upstairs. Once they were gone, Lily turned to Grace. "I'm glad Jessie has a friend like Katie. Aren't you?" 

"Yeah. Katie's great for Jess," Grace said sincerely with a smile. _If you only knew. _

"Yeah she is," Lily agreed, not knowing what Grace was really meant. Grace just sighed at her mother's obliviousness. _Oh well. I'm sure she'll find out soon enough. Jessie will tell everyone soon I'm sure...I hope. _Grace began to fret about if that were true.

"So," Jessie began as she was changing her shirt. "What movie did you want to see?" She asked. Katie was too busy watching Jessie, that she missed the question. Noticing a lack of answer, Jessie turned around to see Katie gaping. "Hey, Katie" Jessie said with a smile.

"I...uh...yeah...sorry. What was the question?" She asked, regaining her senses.

"Welcome back," Jessie said with a grin. "What movie did you want to see?"

Katie hadn't really given it much thought. She only suggested it because it seemed like a good idea at the time. "Well, let me think a second," she started racking her brain, trying to figure out what just came out. Suddenly, it hit her. "I know. Let's see 'Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood'!" Katie grinned.

Jessie laughed and Katie glared at her. "I never thought you to be into the chick flicks," Jessie giggled.

"Yeah, well, I heard that it wasn't a chick flick. I heard it was fun for everyone, so there," Katie grinned, sticking out her tongue. 

"Whatever you say. I want to see it too" Jessie admitted with a smile. 

They walked out of the theater smiling and talking about their favorite parts. Well, Jessie was doing most of the talking and Katie was listening with a smile.

"Sandra Bullock is so ridiculously talented," Jessie concluded after saying how versatile her character was.

"I agree," Katie said with a grin. "She is one great actress. Definitely one of a kind," she said happily. 

"I just hate those damned previews," Jessie grumbled with disgust. "They take to long and cut out of precious movie watching time," she griped.

"I like the previews," Katie said sheepishly. Jessie gave her an incredulous expression. "I like knowing what movies to look for."

"Name one movie preview we saw that sounded appealing to you," Jessie challenged. 

"Hmm," Katie thought a minute. "Okay, 'Simone'," she grinned.

"Are you kidding? 'Simone'? The movie about a computer generated actress. That is the movie you thought of? You suck! Why did you think of that movie?" Jessie was freaking out, she hates being proved wrong. By this time, Katie was laughing so hard at how seriously pissed Jessie was getting. 

Jessie glared at her and Katie didn't answer until her laughter died down. "I think Evan Rachel Wood is hot," Katie said, trying to stifle her laughter at the shocked look Jessie was giving her. "I especially liked her in 'Practical Magic'," she teased further.

Jessie grunted. "You are completely hopeless," she grumbled as she walked toward the car, Katie followed still giggling.

Later that night, Jessie and Katie went to the school to see the play. "Here we are...again," Katie mumbled as she and Jessie walked into the auditorium. 

"Oh just shut up," Jessie said playfully hitting Katie lightly on the arm.

"Make me," Katie said seductively. 

Jessie's eyes widened and she glared at Katie. "Don't do that," she growled, looking around to see if anyone heard. "Not here," she whispered self-consciously.

Katie was taken aback. "Fine," she relented dejectedly. "I won't do it again," she said somewhat sarcastically.

Sarah, who was nearby, heard the whole thing. She knew Jessie would want to be discreet. She'd expect no less from her, but she didn't expect Jessie to be so paranoid. Katie somehow sensing someone watching, turned around, but Sarah disappeared behind the curtain. She shook her head. _Jessie's paranoia must be wearing off on me. _ Katie smiled at the thought. 

"What's wrong?" Jessie asked upon noticing the concentrated look on Katie's face. Katie looked at her and shook her head. "Well, what are you thinking about then?" She asked, trying to get Katie to talk to her.

"Nothing. I just felt like someone was watching us," Katie said with a scowl., mocking Jessie's paranoia.

"Oh," Jessie said with a frown. The lights dimmed and they focused on the stage, sort of.

Katie couldn't take her mind off how Jessie acts when they're together. She was upset that Jessie puts on a show when they're around others. _I hope she gets over being afraid to come out. She has to eventually...right?_

By being wrapped up in hr thought, the play went by faster. She listened to the play, but didn't pay attention. Until Act V, that is, but even then, it was only two lines. Katie didn't know whose lines they were, but they stood out. 

"No sooner they met, but they looked. No sooner they looked, but they loved." Katie loved those lines because they described how she felt about Jessie, love at first sight. It was at that point, Katie realized that she would do just about anything to stay with Jessie. She didn't know how far exactly, but she would know when she got there. She was, after all, in love.

"Sarah, we need to talk," Katie said as she walked up to her backstage. Naturally, Sarah was shocked. "Come on. It's really important," Katie said, taking Sarah outside.

"What is it?" Sarah asked apprehensively. 

"We need to clear some things out...about Jessie," Katie said and Sarah averted her eyes. "Look, I need to know a few things," Katie began. "You said you like her, right?"

"Yeah. I did say that. What does that have to do with anything?" She asked suddenly getting very defensive.

"If you like her so much, then why did you go around telling everyone that she tried to kill herself?" Katie growled at her.

"What?" Sarah asked incredulously. She then smiled and chuckled slightly. "I didn't start that rumor, Tad did," Katie's eyes grew wide. "Apparently, he saw the bandages on her wrists Monday and told his jock friends. They, of course, told everyone and I found out."

Katie was shocked and angry with Tad. "Oh my God. I thought you started the rumor. Weren't you in the bathroom when Jessie and Grace were talking? I saw you come out after they did," Katie asked with suspicion.

"First of all, why would I start a rumor about someone I like? Second, yeah I was in the bathroom. That's how I picked up the thought that you and Jessie were going out. But I didn't say anything about the 'suicide' thing. I'd never stoop **that **low."

Katie didn't know what to say. "You know, she thinks you hate her," she said slowly.

Sarah chuckled, but then stopped abruptly. "Then why was she nice to me last night?" She was completely intrigued.

"Because, Jessie's a good person. She couldn't hate anybody. Not even if she thought they were trashing her behind her back," Katie said with a loving smile.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?" Sarah already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear Katie say it.

"Yeah, I do," she smiled. _But I don't think she feels the same. _Katie secretly added in her mind. "You won't let that stop you from becoming friends with her," she said with a smile.

"No," Sarah grinned. "I won't." The two friends hugged. 

"Hey Jess," Jessie turned around to see Sarah. She opened her mouth to say something, but Sarah stopped her. "I just wanted to apologize," Sarah said.

"For what?" Jessie asked, not sure what exactly was going on.

"For the misunderstanding between us. Katie and I talked a few minutes ago," Jessie stood there, not knowing what to say or do. "I didn't tell anyone you tried to kill yourself, Tad was the person that started the rumor."

"Oh," was all that Jessie said. "So, you know about me and Katie then?" She asked, looking at her feet.

"Yeah, I know," Jessie's head shot up. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," Sarah said quickly, noticing the look of anxiety spread over Jessie's face.

"Thank you," Jessie said gratefully. 

"I really would like a chance to be your friend," Sarah said with a small smile. "You know, since everything is sorted out between all of us," she said softly.

"I'd like that," Jessie said sincerely. 

"Jess! Come on!" Rick shouted impatiently.

Jessie rolled her eyes. "I have to go. I'll see you later," she and Sarah shared a smile.

"Bye," Sarah said as Jessie left. She gave a sigh of relief. A huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. 

Sunday night, before the last performance of the play, Katie decided to go over to Jessie's early so that they could talk before leaving. "Billie?" She said as she walked into Jessie's attic. "I need to tell you something," Katie said.

"Sure. What is it?" Jessie asked coming out of her closet, no pun intended.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I'll support you no matter what," Katie said, avoiding eye contact. Jessie gave her a puzzled expression. "About us. I know you're not ready to tell people and I don't want to pressure you to do so."

"I appreciate that Katie," Jessie said sincerely. "I just don't know when I'll be ready to tell people," Jessie sighed. _Or **if **I'll be able to tell them. _

"Jessie, I really care about you and I don't want to see you hurt," Katie said. _I more than care about you...I love you._ "Eventually, people will find out, whether you tell them or not," she saw Jessie's expression. "They'll figure it out sooner or later."

"Oh," Jessie said. "I really care about you too," Jessie said looking up into Katie's eyes. She really didn't want to think about what she'd do if people did find out. So, to avoid the issue, which she knew Katie would try and push for, she leaned in to kiss her.

As the kiss deepened, Katie reluctantly pulled back. "We better leave so we don't miss the play," she whispered breathlessly.

Jessie gave a soft seductive smile. "I don't think Grace will miss us," she whispered against Katie's lips. She felt Katie's breath catch in her throat and smiled. "How many times do we really need to see the play anyway?"

"Good point," Katie responded feeling more than a little light headed.


	17. Oblivious

"What do you want Grace?" Jessie sighed as her stepsister approached her locker. She was trying to stuff her history book in there, but to no avail as several other books fell to the floor. "Damn it," she grumbled as she bent down to get them. A hand reached down to help her out. 

"Hey," Katie said as Jessie looked at her. "Morning Grace," she said cheerfully as Grace watched the two of them with an amused expression on her face.

"Morning Katie," Grace said. "Have a good weekend?" She smirked at her. Grace knew full well that they had because they had pretty much hung out at the house all weekend.

Jessie scowled at a chuckling Grace. "Yep," Katie replied, unfazed by Jessie and Grace's expressions at one another. "You?" She asked as she put one of Jessie's books back in her locker.

"Fine," Grace said. "The play went really well last night in case you were wondering," she said nonchalantly referring to their not showing up. 

"That's nice," Jessie replied sarcastically. "Is that it?" She asked, trying to get rid of her. Katie just stood by with a grin while watching Jessie get increasingly impatient.

"Pretty much," Grace smirked. Jessie grunted and stalked off with Katie behind her, chuckling. "Cute," Grace said to herself with a grin.

"Jess?" Katie said as she and Jessie were on their way home. Jessie just looked over at her with a curious expression. Katie took in a deep breath. "Have you thought about the dance at all? I mean, if you wanted to go...with me," she mumbled sheepishly. _Smooth._

Jessie was caught off guard by the question she was afraid to answer. "No. I haven't," she replied slowly. "I kind of forgot all about it," she lied.

"Oh," Katie said, dejectedly. Jessie let out a silent sigh of relief. "Are you going to think about it, or do you already know if you want to go?" She asked hopefully.

"I'll think about it," Jessie said. Katie smiled. "We still have a couple of weeks though. I wouldn't stress it yet," pleading that Katie will drop the subject. 

"I'm not stressing," Katie defended in mock-hurt. "I never stress," she said with a grin.

"Okay," Jessie grinned. "Whatever you say," she replied, looking back out the window. As they pulled up to the house, Jessie turned back to Katie. "You want to come in and hang out?"

"Only if we get to harass Grace," Katie joked. Jessie nodded vehemently with a short laugh as she leapt out of the car.

They barged into the house, talking and giggling about something. "I don't get it," Grace sighed as she shook her head. Jessie and Katie turned their attention to her. "We leave at the same time, you drive an average of ten miles over the speed limit, and yet, I still get home before you guys."

"Ha, ha," Jessie mumbled. "You suck, that's why," she grunted at her. 

"Great comeback. I'm crushed," Grace rolled her eyes. She **really** didn't want to know why they always took so long. Grabbing an orange out of the fridge, Grace went off to the living room to leave Jessie and Katie to do...whatever it is that they do. Instead, they followed her. "What?" Grace grunted, obviously a little perturbed at this.

"Nothing," Katie said, feigning innocence. "Whatever are you talking about?" She asked the disgruntled girl in front of her. Jessie bit her lip to stop from laughing.

"Then leave me alone!" She growled. Jessie lost it there and then, Katie following suit. Grace scoffed at them as they took off upstairs toward Jessie's room. 

"She's so...annoyable," Jessie laughed as they got to Jessie's sanctuary. "I don't know what it is. Just merely standing there pisses her off," she chuckled.

"That's a short fuse if I ever saw one," Katie agreed. Suddenly, she found herself greeted by Jessie's lips and it was only natural that she kiss back. However, she wasn't completely focused on it. She kept worrying about the dance, Jessie's paranoia around other people and a thousand other things.

Jessie sensed the anxiety that Katie was feeling. "What's wrong?" She asked worriedly as she pulled away. "Are you okay?"

Katie really didn't want to push. She really didn't. But, she had to have some answers. "Why won't you touch me around other people?" She asked. _So much for tact. _

"What?" Jessie asked with a confused expression. _Where the hell did that come from._

"It's just that, you never hold my hand or hug me or anything in public," Katie sighed. "But, when we are alone, you pull a total 180. I want to know why," she said, kicking herself for even bringing it up.

"I...it's...I..." Jessie stammered. She sat down on the bed to try and come up with a halfway decent answer. She sighed. "It's complicated," she whispered softly, not looking Katie in the eyes.

"Oh. I see now. It's complicated," Katie sneered. She was upset, she had every right to be. "Everything's complicated isn't it?" _Don't do it. Don't do it. _"Why is it complicated Jess? I think it's because you make it that way," she pressed. _Damn mouth._

"Katie," Jessie pleaded. She had been dreading this conversation. "Can we not talk about this now?" She asked, looking at her feet and running a hand through her hair.

"Not now?" Katie asked incredulously. "If not now, then when? We need to talk about this now or else we never will."

"You said you wouldn't push this," Jessie said, tears threatening to spill out. "You **promised** that you wouldn't make me," she cried out.

_Damn her_. Katie couldn't help but melt every time Jessie cried, but she still wasn't letting go so easily. "I said I wouldn't push you to tell everyone, I never said anything about hugging or holding hands," she reasoned. Jessie didn't respond. "Look Jessie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just get frustrated being around you all the time and not being able to touch you."

"I'm sorry too. But I just don't want people to know yet," _or at all_ she added.

"It's okay Jess. I understand," Katie sighed. _Damn it! That was completely pointless. I'm Katie Singer, a professional doormat. _

"Jess! Hey. How's it going?" Sarah asked as she walked up to Jessie and Katie in the hallway. 

Jessie turned around and smiled. "Hey. Not bad. How about you?" She asked with a small smiled. She missed Katie's scowl directed at Sarah.

"Fine. What are you guys up to after school today? I was thinking that maybe we could hang out," she asked, giddy with excitement.

Jessie shifted uncomfortably. "I...um...have an appointment," she said, trying to hide the fact that she is in therapy. After the fiasco a little over a week ago, the last thing she wanted was something else to fuel the fire. "I'm going to be busy with that."

"Oh," she said, disappointed. "What about you Katie? What are you up to after school?"

"I have to help my mom rearrange the living room...again. She's pretty consistent about doing it every two weeks. But after that, I'm free," Katie replied. Katie knew that there was a Gay-Straight Alliance meeting after school that Grace had to drag Jessie after her therapy.

"That's cool," Sarah smiled. "I'll see you later then," she took off to class as the bell rang.

"Told you that she doesn't hate you," Katie grinned to Jessie. 

"Yeah. You were right this one time, but don't get too used to it," Jessie replied cheekily. Katie laughed.

"I hate you and hope that you die a gruesome death," Jessie mumbled to Grace as they pulled up in front of Mr. Dimitri's house.

"No you don't," Grace chuckled. "It's not all that bad Jess. I'm sure that it will alright. It's just a meeting," she replied with a grin. She was determined to drag Jessie to as many meetings as she possibly could.

"You didn't tell me there was a meeting tonight. If you **had** told me, I would have asked Katie to take me to therapy," she ground out.

"I'm sorry Jess. It must have slipped my mind. I'm sure that you'll make it up to Katie somehow," she smirked. 

Jessie turned beet red. "Shut up," she mumbled.

"Hey you two. You're just on time," Dimtri said as he opened the door. "You decided to join us," he said to Jessie with a smirk.

"I had no choice," she ground out as she glared at a smirking Grace. They walked in and Jessie stopped dead in her tracks. She saw Katie and Sarah hanging out in Dimitri's living room. "Katie?" She said before she had a chance to stop herself.

"Jess, hi," Katie replied, not the least bit nervous or surprised to see her there. "How'd your appointment go?" She asked, noting Jessie's shocked expression.

Finding her voice, Jessie decided to reply. "Fine. I didn't expect to see you here," she asked Sarah.

"Yeah. Katie said she was going and I decided to check it out," she smiled at her. "What brings you here?" She asked, Katie had told her that Jessie didn't want any part of the Gay-Straight Alliance.

"Grace dragged me. She neglected to tell me there was a meeting until we were already leaving my appointment," she grumbled. "I already threatened her life over it. Strangely enough, she didn't think I was serious," Jessie pretended to think about this as the other two giggled.

"Grace does tend to get all bitch-tastic on, well, everyone. She was hell on wheels during the play," Sarah said with a grin.

"You think that's bad, try living with her," Jessie grunted, taking a seat. "She is in a permanent state of PMS," she told them. 

Katie was about to try anything to get back into the conversation. "I have to deal with her, not only during English, but whenever I go to Jessie's house," she rolled her eyes. "She lives to harass," she said. They all chuckled in agreement.

The meeting flew by as the three girls sat around talking and giggling the time away. Katie was glad that Jessie and Sarah were getting along, but she was kind of jealous too. 

As the meeting came to a close, Grace walked up to them. "You ready Jess?" She asked, eyeing the three girls. She truly did not trust Sarah.

"I'll take her home Grace," Katie said as more of a statement than an offer. Grace just nodded as she turned and left. "Ready?" She asked her two friends.

"Uh-huh," they answered simultaneously.

"I am so glad that you and Sarah were there tonight," Jessie sighed with a smile. "If you hadn't been, I surely would've gouged my eyes out with my pencil," she said.

Katie laughed at that as she slowly leaned in to kiss Jessie in front of her house. "I'll see you tomorrow," she whispered, pulling her face away.

"Bye," Jessie said as she got out of the car. Katie lingered outside long enough to watch Jessie get into the house. Once again, Katie sighed after her girlfriend. There was ten days until the dance, Jessie still hadn't given Katie an answer. She was starting to panic a little now. She wanted to go to the dance with Jessie and she was getting fed up with Jessie's paranoia.


	18. I Try

"Hey," Grace said as she saw Jessie walking through the door. Jessie just looked at her and smiled slightly. "What's up with you and Sarah Grasser?" She asked, skipping ahead to the point.

"What are you talking about?" Jessie asked, utterly confused. "What about me and Sarah?" She titled her head slightly into a puzzled expression.

"I thought you didn't like her," Grace said. "Especially after she started to spread those rumors about you," she continued.

"No Grace. That was **you **that didn't like her after those rumors went around," Jessie said condescendingly. "I never hated her. I just thought she hated me. As it turns out, she's not the one who started those rumors in the first place, Tad was," she stated matter-of-factly. 

"And you know this how exactly?" Grace asked, still not convinced of Sarah's innocence. 

"She told me so," Jessie shrugged.

"So you just believed her?" Grace asked incredulously as Jessie nodded. "I can't believe you would just take her word for it. Are you stupid or something?"

"No Grace, I am not stupid. Unlike you, I actually trust people. She has no reason to lie to me," Jessie fumed as she took off to her room.

"Hey," Sarah said as she approached Jessie and Katie in the hallway at school. "What are you guys up to?" She asked with a smile.

"Nothing," Katie said, trying to hold back a scowl. She hated that Sarah barged in on her and Jessie's conversation. She smiled at her instead.

Jessie, on the other hand, didn't seem phased at all by Sarah's appearance. "Hey," she smiled. "Katie and I are going to go to my house after school. Do you want to come hang out with us?" Jessie asked, not noticing her gaping girlfriend.

Sarah didn't notice it either. She was too busy looking at Jessie. "Sure," she smiled. Katie was about to protest, but the bell rang. "Bye," Sarah said, walking off.

"Bye," Jessie replied. She looked over to Katie. "What?" She asked, noticing the pissy expression on Katie's face.

"Nothing. I'll see you after school," Katie said. She almost leaned over to give Jessie a peck on the cheek before she left. However, she realized that Jessie would have an aneurysm, so, she didn't. _Damn Jessie being paranoid! _She inwardly scowled. Jessie smiled and Katie smiled back before they headed off to their respective classes.

__

The three girls were up in Jessie's attic giggling about something. Katie was faking it extremely well. It's not that she didn't like Sarah or anything, but it was like she was moving in on her territory so to speak. Plus, she was cutting into quality make-out time for her and Jessie. "I'll be right back," Katie said, standing up. 

"Okay," the other two girls replied. Katie took off downstairs to Grace's room. "Hey Grace," Katie says, lightly tapping on Grace's door. "Can I come in? I need to talk to you," she says as Grace opens the door.

"Oh god. What did Jessie do this time?" Grace smirks, noticing the dejected expression on Katie's face.

"It's not so much something she did as it is something she didn't do," Katie says, moping into Grace's room. Grace checks the hall before closing the door. "Jessie still wont' go to the dance with me," Katie sighs.

"She told you that?" Grace asked, incredulously. "She told you that she won't go to the dance?" She narrowed her eyes. _What is Jessie's problem anyway?_

"She didn't tell me. She didn't have to. Jessie just keeps avoiding the issue. It's in nine days and she still hasn't given me an answer. I asked her the day I found out about it," Katie said sadly.

Grace came over and sat next to Katie on her bed. "She is still all skittish about coming out, huh? I wish she would just tell everyone so she can stop being so damn paranoid all the time," Grace said, frustrated.

"Yeah. I don't know why she won't just come out. It probably won't even be that big a deal," Katie sighed again.

"Yeah," Grace sat there a moment to think. "You could pigeonhole her into going," she looked at Katie, who seemed interested. "Tell her that if she doesn't come out, then it's over between you two."

"What?" Katie asked, not able to believe what she just heard. "You want me to give Jessie an ultimatum? I can't do that to her. What if she says 'no'?" She asked, beginning to panic.

"She cares a lot about you. So much that I get physically ill whenever I'm around you guys. You make her happy. No one has ever been able to do that. She won't be able to say 'no'," Grace replied with a comforting smile.

"Thanks Grace," Katie said as she hugged her. "I'll talk to her on Friday," she said, getting up.

"Friday? Why can't you do it tomorrow, or tonight even?" Grace asked, puzzled.

"Sarah's here too," Katie ground out. Grace shared the same feeling and scowled. "Tomorrow Jessie and I won't be able to because she has therapy," Katie said. So, it wasn't exactly like she was avoiding it, she just was putting it off for as long as possible.

"Oh," Grace said simply.

**__**

The Attic:

"Sarah, can I ask you something?" Jessie asked nervously.

"Always," she replied, not sounding to desperate at all. Yeah, right. "What is it Jess?" Sarah asked back with a small smile.

"It's about Katie," Jessie said. Sarah just looked at her, waiting for Jessie to continue. "She and Grace keep trying to push me to come out, but I don't think I'm ready to. What should I do? Should I just tell everyone?" Jessie asked.

"No. I think that you should stand your ground. You shouldn't have to do anything that you're not ready for," Sarah replied. 

That was the answer that Jessie was fishing for. A second opinion that matched her own. "Thank you Sarah," Jessie said as she hugged her.

They then heard Katie coming up the stairs and pulled apart. "Hey Sarah, it's getting late. We better get going," Katie said with a big smile. Jessie and Sarah got up and Sarah started downstairs.

"Bye Sarah," Jessie called down as Sarah went downstairs.

"What? No 'bye' for me?" Katie pouted. "Why am I so neglected?" She continued to pout.

Jessie leaned in and kissed Katie...hard. They probably could have stayed like that for a good long while, but Zoe decided to interrupt.

"Hey Katie, Sarah's still waiting down here for you. What's taking so long?" She asked, as if it was her business.

"Nothing. Just making sure I got everything," Katie replied, smiling at Jessie before she went downstairs.

"Bye Katie," Jessie said with a grin as Katie descended the stairs.

"Bye Jess," she replied with the same grin.

"You guys are so weird," Zoe said as she saw the expressions on her face. She walked off and Jessie and Katie just chuckled.

It was taking all of Katie's willpower to make herself leave the house. She wanted to stay in the vicinity of Jessie at all times. But, eventually, her legs started working again and she left. It was hard for her to leave, but she always compensated for it when they got back together. Katie and Sarah got into the car and Katie pumped up the radio.

__

Games, changes and fears/ When will they go from here/ When will they stop/ I believe that fate has brought us here/ And we should be together/ But we're not/ I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you/ I'll keep my cool, but I'm fiendin'/ I try to say goodbye and I choke/ I try to walk away and I stumble/ Though I try to hide it, it's clear/ My world crumbles when you are not near/ I may appear to be free/ But I'm just a prisoner of your love/ I may seem alright and smile when you leave/ But my smiles are just a front/.../Here is my confession/ May I be your possession/ Boy I need your touch/ Love, kisses and such/ With all my might I try/ But this I can't deny/ I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you/ I'll keep my cool, but I'm fiendin'/ I try to say goodbye and I choke/ I try to wakl away and I stumble/ Though I try to hide it, it's clear/ My world crumbles when you are not near

__

"So, Jess. How are things? You seem a little tense," Dr. Rosenfeld said as he watched Jessie fidget in her chair. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. Everything is fine. It's just a little complicated, that's all," Jessie said, trying to avoid a serious talk.

"Oh? What's complicated? How is it complicated?" He asked. Jessie certainly was never lacking for drama, that's for sure.

"I am involved with...someone. It made things kind of strange around everyone," Jessie said, not about to tell him who it was.

"I see. People are uncomfortable when the two of you are together? Why?" He asked, not knowing what her problem was exactly.

"Well, that's the thing. Nobody knows about us, they can't," she said, biting her tongue for letting that last sentence get in there. "I am the only person uncomfortable about it," she said. She was looking for someone to trump Katie's opinion. 

"What about this other person? Aren't they uncomfortable?" He asked.

"No. They want me to tell everyone about us, but I don't, not yet," Jessie said. "Do you think I should?" She asked, looking up.

"If you don't think you're ready, then you shouldn't tell everyone," Rosenfeld said, looking into her eyes for some clue as to what was going on in her head. "Oh, look at the time. Time sure flies when you're having fun," he smiled.

"Bye," she said, getting up. "I'll see you next week," she says as she walks out his door.

_That was certainly interesting. _Rosenfeld sits, thinking about who Jessie could possibly have been talking about. _I'm sure I'll find out soon enough._

Jessie and Grace get into her car and start to leave. Grace turns to Jessie. "I think that you need to tell everyone about you and Katie," she says.

Without hesitation, Jessie responds. "I think you need to tell everyone about your crush on you're English teacher," Jessie retorts with a smirk.

"That's not the same thing Jess and you know it," Grace said, in a calm tone. "These are two totally different things Jess."

"Oh yeah? Well, you're not supposed to have a crush on your English teacher anymore than I'm supposed to be going out with my best friend," Jessie bites back.

"That's just the thing Jess. You never go out. You're too afraid someone will see you. Why won't you just come out?" Grace snaps back.

"Why won't you mind your own goddamn business?" Jessie growls. The conversation is now officially over as they pull up to the house.

"Jess. Phone," Lily say right as the two angry girls walk in.

"Hello?" Jessie said into the receiver.

"Hey Jess. I can't talk long. I just wanted to tell you that we really need to talk," Katie said, sounding a little anxious.

"Okay," Jessie replied, somewhat confused.

"Tomorrow after school okay?" Katie asked, glad that they were finally going to talk it out.

"Yeah. That's fine," Jessie said, a little nervous. "Bye," she said, hanging up.

"What did Katie want?" Grace asked, prying.

"Piss off, Grace," Jessie said, exasperated with her meddling stepsister as she went up to her room. 


	19. Here is Gone

**_Friday:_**

"Jessie! Phone!" Rick shouted up the stairs at her. 

"Okay! I got it!" She yelled back down at him. "Hello," she said into the receiver, hoping that it was Katie.

"Hi honey," Karen said from the other end. "What are you up to?" 

"Nothing really. Katie's coming over in a little while. Why?" Jessie asked, suspiciously. 

"No reason. I heard that there was going to be a dance at your school. Are you going?" Karen asked, finally getting to the point.

"It's for the Gay-Straight Alliance," Jessie said matter-of-factly. Karen didn't respond to that. "I'm not gay," she continued hesitantly, biting her lip and closing her eyes. She hated saying that.

"I know that honey," Karen replied in an 'I know that' tone. "I was just wondering because you **are **straight," she said.

"I wasn't planning on it Mom. Besides, I don't even have a date," she wanted to cry right now. Jessie hated lying to her mom, but she had to.

"There's Tad," Karen said with a big grin on her face. 

"I'm over Tad. He's a big jerk," Jessie sighed.

"Well, you and Katie could go," Karen suggested and Jessie groaned. "You two are good friends, why can't you two go together?" She was thoroughly confused as why Jessie wouldn't want to go with her.

"We just can't," Jessie said. It was not a very good excuse. "Look, Mom, I've got to go. I'll talk to you later. Bye," she said, trying to get out of this conversation.

"Okay. Bye sweetie," Karen said, still confused about Jessie's reaction. 

In the front of the house, Katie was mentally preparing herself before knocking. She was pacing back and forth, trying to figure out the best way to talk to Jessie. Before she had a chance to figure it out, the door opened and Zoe was standing there. "Hey Zoe," Katie said, surprised to see Zoe there.

"Hi Katie," Zoe said. "You've been walking back and forth for about ten minutes now. Mom got worried and wanted me to come out here and see if you were all right or if you wanted to come in," she spewed out in one breath, not looking at Katie's reaction.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking. I was getting ready to knock," Katie said with a smile. "Is Jessie around?" She asked, shifting the conversation.

"Yeah. She's up in the attic. You know, like she always is," Zoe said, rolling her eyes at the so very obvious answer.

"Right. I know that. I just wasn't sure if she was home or not," Katie said looking at her feet. 

"Whatever you say," Zoe grinned as she walked away so Katie could come in. Katie walked in slowly and took her time getting to Jessie's room so that she could figure out what to say to Jessie. "Hey there," she said as she walked up into Jessie's room.

"Hey," Jessie said, her face instantly lighting up. "How are you?" She asked with a smile. 

Katie smiled back, glad to see her smile. "I'm doing good," she said, sitting next to Jessie on her bed. "You?"

"I'm fine now that you're here," she said. "Grace has been harassing me more often than usual," Jessie rolled her eyes. Katie's smile faded because she knew what Grace was harassing Jessie about. Jessie noticed the change in Katie's demeanor. "What did you want to talk about?" She asked, growing serious again.

"The dance," Katie said, closing her eyes, not sure how Jessie would react.

"Katie!" Jessie yelled, jumping into a standing position. "You said that you wouldn't push it," she said angrily.

"I'm sorry Jessie, but I really want to go with you. We don't even have to go as a couple," Katie pleaded. "Jess, come on. Let's just go," she said.

"Why are you pushing this Katie? It's just a stupid dance," Jessie said, swinging her arms in total frustration.

"I know, it is stupid. But if it's so stupid, then why can't we go? Is it because you are afraid of people finding out about us?" Katie said, standing up to face Jessie. 

"Nobody needs to know about us. We don't need to tell anyone," Jessie pleads softly.

"Like hell they don't!" Katie yells. "I want people to know. I want everyone to know how I fell about you Jess," she says, beginning to calm down.

"Why? **I**know how you feel, that should be enough," Jessie tried to reason. "We don't need to go to some dance to show people how we feel. It's not what I...we are, but that's how people will treat it," she says, beginning to tear up.

"I agree. It's not what we are, but it is **who **we are...who you are. Everyone deserves to know about us and you need to stop denying it. Stop being so goddamned afraid. You need to be honest with yourself...for your sake, not mine."

"I am," Jessie argues weakly.

"No Jess, you aren't. When we are alone, things are great, but when other people are around, you pull a total 180.You won't touch me or look at me. I fell like you pushing me away," Katie said, anger rising back up.

"Stop it!" Jessie cries. "Just stop it! This isn't about that. I am not pushing you away. I'm just really confused."

"Confused? About what?" Katie yells. "We care about each other and we are together. I wish you would accept the fact that you are gay. Stop pretending you're something you're not around everyone else."

"I can't," Jessie said softly, but not willing to relent.

"Damn it Jess! Stop this!" Katie yelled, running her hands through her hair. She looked up with tears in her eyes. "Do you think I ruined your life?" She asked quietly.

"What? I never said that," Jessie said, her eyes growing wide.

"You didn't have to Jessie. I feel you feeling it. You think that I'm the last thing you need. You're ashamed and that's why you won't say anything about us," Katie accused.

"No!" Jessie yelled back. "Last year I had to deal with everyone finding out that I was anorexic. This year I had to deal with people talking about my suicide attempt. Can I keep it down to one crisis per year please?" She shouted. 

"Is that what this is, a crisis?" Katie asked incredulously. "Am I just something you're using to get over your suicide attempt? Am I your little lapse in judgment due to severe blood loss?!" Katie screeched, tears flowing. 

"What? Katie no. You're not a lapse in judgment," Jessie said. "I really care about you," she said softly.

"Then go with me," Katie said, tears still present. "Go to the dance with me Jess, please," she said, grabbing Jessie's hand.

Jessie looked down at their entwined hands, then back up to Katie. "I can't," she breathed out with tears of her own. 

Katie dropped Jessie's hand without breaking eye contact. "You know what? I thought you were pushing me away, that I was losing you, but we were never together to begin with," Katie said harshly with tears still sliding down her face.

"What...What do you mean?" Jessie asked, unsure of what Katie was thinking.

"We were never **really **together Jess. Physically, yes, we were, but emotionally, no. You were never really there," Katie said sadly.

"That is not true and you know it!" Jessie shouted through her new set of tears.

Katie just ignored her. "I think that you're afraid to be happy. You have to keep torturing yourself and putting yourself down just so that you can get out of bed in the morning. You can't do that because it's not healthy Jess. You need to be honest with everyone, yourself included," she said mournfully, putting a hand on Jessie's shoulder.

Jessie shrugged it off and backed away. "I can't! Nobody can know Katie! They just can't," she cried.

"Why? Because then you wouldn't be 'perfect' anymore? Face it Jess, you are not perfect. That image died a long time ago. And why do you care what people think of you? Fuck the world and everyone in it! Jessie, I love you! I love you, but you don't feel the same," Katie said, getting choked up with emotion.

"What?" Jessie gasps.

"I can't be with you if I have to hide how I'm feeling. If I'm hiding, then I'm not really with you, am I?" Katie asked, looking into Jessie's clouded eyes.

"Katie, don't," Jessie squeaks out through her tears.

"This...us, it isn't working. It won't work until you stop being afraid."

"I can't do it. Not now. I'm not ready. I'm not sure that I ever will be," Jessie said, looking down at her feet and away from Katie's eyes.

"I am going to ask you one more time. Will you go to the dance with me?" Katie asked slowly.

Jessie looks up, tears brimming. She opens her mouth, but the closes it again. She looks away again. "No," she chokes out.

Katie nods her head numbly. She reaches over and puts a hand on each side of Jessie's face to make her look at her. "I love you, but you won't let me," she said softly. There is a pause for Jessie to respond, but she doesn't, she's too shocked. "Goodbye Jess," she said, giving Jessie one last kiss. Katie walked down to leave. "Have a nice life," she threw sarcastically over her shoulder before exiting.

"I love you too," Jessie whispers to herself once Katie is gone and she's regained her voice. She lets herself fall to the bed before she starts to completely lose it.

She reached over and picked up the phone. Jessie dialed a number and let it ring before someone finally picked up. "Sarah?" She cried into the phone.

Katie went stalking down the stairs with her eyes red from crying. She was still crying. "Katie? What's wrong?" Grace asked as Katie passed her room.

Katie was shocked to see Grace. Even more shocked that Grace didn't hear them. "It's nothing," she said, walking out the door. Grace scoffed as she glared upstairs toward Jessie's room. Then she kicked herself because Katie followed **her **advice. She sighed, then went back into her room so that Jessie can have time to herself.

Katie marched into her car and waited so that she could regain her composure and catch her breath. She turned on the radio.

__

You and I got something/ But it's all and then it's nothing to me/ And I got my defenses when it come to your intentions for me/ And we wake up in the breakdown of the things we never thought we would be/ I'm not the one who broke you/ I'm not the one you should fear/ What do you got to move you darling/ I thought I lost you somewhere/ But you were never really ever there at all/ And I want to get free/ Talk to me/ I can feel you falling/ And I wanted to be all you nee/ Somehow here is gone/ I have no solution to the sound of this pollution in me/ I was not the answer so forget you ever thought it was me/ I'm not the one who broke you/ I'm not the one you should fear/ What do you got to move you darling/ I thought I lost you somewhere/ But you were never really ever there at all/ And I want to get free/ Talk to me/ Somehow here is gone/ And I don't need the fallout of all the past that's there between us/ And I'm not holding on/ And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here/ And I want to get free/ Talk to me/ I can feel you falling/ And I wanted to be all you need/ Somehow here is gone/ And I know you're out there/ I know you're out there/ And I can feel you falling/ I know you're out there/ I know you're out there/ Somehow here is gone/

__

"What do you want?" Grace sniped as she answered the door to find Sarah standing there.

Sarah was equally happy to see Grace. "Jessie called me. She's really upset. Where is she? What the hell happened?" She growled.

Grace, who didn't want Sarah to know that she had anything to do with it, just shrugged. "How am I supposed to know? She's not my friend **or** my girlfriend," Grace said, letting her in. "She's up in her room."

Sarah bolted upstairs and Grace scowled after her. "Jessie," Sarah said as she gently knocked on Jessie's door.

"Yeah, come in," Jessie sniffed out through a sob, she was still crying...hard.

"Oh, Jess," Sarah said, going over to sit next to Jessie. "What happened?" She asked sympathetically.

Jessie leaned on Sarah and Sarah put her arms around her, not knowing what else to do. "Katie broke up with me," she sobbed.

Sarah didn't see that coming as she hugged Jessie tighter. "I'm sorry Jess. Why?" She asked, not knowing what to expect. 

"She said that she wanted people to know about us. I...I told her that I didn't. She called me afraid...said that I didn't want to be happy. I told her that I didn't want to go to the dance," Jessie cried, grabbing onto the material of Sarah's shirt as she continued crying.

"It'll be okay Jess," she said, in what she hoped was a comforting voice.

"No it won't. She told me that she loved me and that I didn't feel the same. I...I didn't say anything. I just...froze," she replied in between sobs.

"Do you love her?" Sarah asked curiously. She felt Jessie nod in her shoulder. She forced Jessie to look at her. "It will be okay Jess," she said slowly and gently. 

Jessie looked up at her with her eyes red and swollen from crying. She leaned in and started kissing Sarah and Sarah started kissing back. 


	20. Don't Speak/Gray Sky Morning

Sarah pulled back to look at a confused Jessie. She noticed that Jessie looked so sad and scared and Sarah really felt sorry for Jessie, but she knew that this wasn't right. "Jessie, we can't," Sarah whispered.

"Why not?" Jessie asked, moving back in to Sarah.

Sarah just gently pushed Jessie away. "We can't because you love Katie," she said, tears of her own forming. 

"She doesn't want to be together anymore," Jessie cried, fresh tears coming to her eyes.

"Jess, that's not true. Katie loves you," Sarah replied, completely taken aback at the fact that Jessie doesn't believe it. "Don't you know that?" She asked.

"Then why isn't she with me right now?" Jessie asked. She hadn't accepted the fact that it was her fault too.

"It was wrong of her to make you choose, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. She wants the rest of the world to know it too," Sarah said, looking down at Jessie. 

"I need to tell her that I love her," Jessie said to herself. "I didn't tell her, but she told me," she said, tears welling up.

"I think that that would probably be a good idea," Sarah said softly. "You should tell her," she said confidently.

"But I can't tell everyone else," she looked at Sarah, who gave her a stern look. "I can't I'm not ready. It's too soon," Jessie sighed, looking down. "Katie needs to understand that."

"I hope that everything will turn out fine once you tell her. You just need to tell her the truth," Sarah said, not sure about what she just said herself.

"You don't think it will?" Jessie asked, getting a little panicked.

"I'm not sure. But I do know that everything will sort itself out eventually," she said to cover the fact that she really didn't know. "Just tell her how you feel. If she can't accept that, then it's her loss," Sarah said with a smile.

Jessie just looked back up, a look of complete terror and sadness still in her eyes. "I don't know what I would do if she didn't," she said quietly, but desperately. 

Sarah wasn't sure about how she should take this. She knew what Jessie had done before and she didn't want Jessie to put herself through that again. "Jessie, if she doesn't accept it, then she isn't worth it," she said. This was her way of trying to comfort and ease Jessie's anxieties.

Jessie looked over at her clock, it was already 12:00. _Where did the day go? _"I can't tell her yet. It's too late," Jessie said, looking over at her clock, it was already 12:00. _Where did the day go? _"I'll tell her tomorrow," she sighed. "Thank you," Jessie mumbled against Sarah's shoulder. Sarah could tell that Jessie was wiped out from all of her crying. She moved to try and get up so that Jessie could get to sleep. "Where are you going?" Jessie asked, about ready to fall asleep.

"I'm going to go so that you can sleep," Sarah whispered as she tried to maneuver her way out from under Jessie.

"Don't go," Jessie said quickly. Realizing how pathetic she sounded, she recovered. "It's late. Stay. Just for tonight," she pleaded.

There was a short pause. "Okay," Sarah relented. Jessie smiled and put her head b back down. 

Sarah fell asleep quickly and easily, but not Jessie. She was just laying there, unable to fall asleep. Jessie couldn't help but think about Katie. _What_ _if Katie won't forgive me? What if she won't accept the fact that I don't want to come out? She has to. She has to because I love her and she loves me. _With that parting though, Jessie slipped into a troubled sleep.

**__**

The Next Morning: 

Jessie was walking down the street towards Katie's house. It was cold outside, but she hadn't thought of that when she left. She was wearing a T-shirt and lightweight sweatpants. The weather was the last thing on her mind as she walked out the door. But, the quiet gave her a chance to think about things. About her and Katie. She looked up at the sky. _It's going to rain. _Seeing as how she liked the rain, it was just a passing thought. Jessie sighed, she was almost there and she could feel a knot in her stomach. Suddenly, she was finding it hard to breath. _Why am I so nervous? I just have to tell her. Just breath. _

She walked up to the door and knocked. There was a clap of thunder in the distance and she turned in the direction of the noise as the door opened. Jessie turned back around to look at Katie. "Hi," she said shyly.

Katie, for her part, was only mildly shocked to see Jessie there. She looked up. "It's getting ready to rain," she said. "Do you wan to come in?" She asked. Jessie nodded and Katie moved out of the way so that she could enter. "Let's go up to my room so we can talk," Katie said, her voice calm and eerily emotionless.

"Okay," Jessie said as she sullenly followed. When they got up there, Katie closed the door behind them. Jessie swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Why are you here?" Katie asked angrily, getting right to the point. 

"I love you," Jessie blurted out, tears coming back. This stopped Katie dead in her tracks. "I wanted to say that I love you because I couldn't yesterday," she said softly.

"Why not? Why couldn't you tell me when I was there?" She replied, frustrated.

"I just couldn't...I couldn't say anything," she said sheepishly. "And, I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she looked up at Katie's eyes.

Katie's eyes softened. "I want to tell people about us Jess. I want everyone to know about us," she said, her eyes burning.

"I know you do, but I don't...I can't," Jessie replied. "Not now, not-"

"Not ever?" Katie growled, finishing Jessie's sentence. "Why? Tell me why we shouldn't tell anyone," she demanded.

"Because it will ruin everything!" Jessie cried out. "Don't you see? I can't tell anyone. God, it will kill my parents," she said.

"What?" Katie asked incredulously. "No it won't. If anything, they'll be happy for you. They just want you to be happy," she said, taking a step closer to Jessie to go in for a hug.

Jessie took a step away as Katie did this. "No! I am having enough trouble trying to deal with this...us, I don't want to bring them into this. I don't want to bring anyone else into it."

"Anyone else? Please, the only other people that know about us are Grace and Sarah," Katie said, raising her voice.

"Isn't that enough that they know? If we bring anyone else into this then they will only make it worse," she cried.

"Worse? Worse than what? I didn't know that things were bad at all. The only problem I saw was your problem with telling everyone," Katie said angrily.

"I love you Katie and I really want to be with you, but..." Jessie trailed off, not sure how to finish her sentence.

"But you don't want people to know about us? I do Jessie. I want everyone to know about us. I want to be able to kiss you, hug you or hold your hand in public," Katie cried, angrily waving her arms. 

"Why? Why is that so goddamned important to you? What does it matter if we can do all that stuff in public or not?" Jessie asked.

"Because I love you!" She cried. "How many times do I need to tell you? I love you and I want the whole world to see it," she said.

"Isn't the fact that you love me and I love you enough?" Jessie asked pleadingly. "Why isn't that enough?" She asked softly.

"You obviously don't love me enough to want to be with me around other people," Katie sneered. Jessie was taken back. "It is impossible for me to be in the same room with you and not want to touch you. I don't want to have to deal with that for the rest of my life," Katie said.

"You're going to have to because I can never tell anyone! Nobody can ever know!" Jessie screamed through her tears. She didn't even realize what she just said.

"You know what? I don't have to put up with anything," Katie said with tears threatening to spill out. "Get out. Just go," Katie said in a low, dangerous growl.

Jessie just stood there a moment, trying to control her sobs. "Okay," she choked out when she finally felt that she trusted her voice. She quickly exited the room and walked out of the house. It had already started to rain.

Katie walked over to her window and watched Jessie walk off in the rain. She sighed and started to cry.

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So you sailed away/ Into a gray sky morning/ Now I'm here to stay/ Love can be so boring/ Nothing's quite the same now/ I just say your name now/ But it's not so bad/ You're only the best I ever had/ You don't want me back/ You're just the best I ever had/ So you stole my world/ And now I'm just a phony/ Remembering the girl/ Leaves me down and lonely/ Send it in a letter/ Make yourself feel better/ But it's not so bad/ You're only the best I ever had/ You don't need me back/ You're just the best I ever had/ And it may take some time/ To patch me up inside/ But I can't take it so I/ Run away and hide/ And I may find in time that/ You were always right/ You're always right/ So you sailed away/ Into a gray sky morning/ Now I'm here to stay/ Love can be so boring/ What was it you wanted/ Could it be I'm haunted/ But it's not so bad/ You're only the best I ever had/ I don't want you back/ You're just the best I ever had/ Best I ever had

Jessie was walking back to her house in the storm. The reality of what had just happened had not yet hit her so she was in a daze, hoping that this was all a nightmare.

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You and me/ We used to be together/ Everyday together always/ I really feel/ I'm losing my best friend/ I can't believe/ This could be the end/ It looks as though you're letting go/ And if it's real/ Well I don't want to know/ Don't speak/ I know what you're saying/ So please stop explaining/ Don't tell me 'cause it hurts/ Don't speak/ I know what you're thinking/ I don't need your reasons/ Don't tell me 'cause it hurts/ Our memories/ They can be inviting/ But some are altogether/ Mighty frightening/ As we die, both you and I/ With my head in my hands/ I sit and cry/ Don't speak/ I know what you're saying/ So please stop explaining/ Don't tell me 'cause it hurts/ Don't speak/ I know what you're thinking/ I don't need your reasons/ Don't tell me 'cause it hurts/ It's all ending/ I gotta stop pretending who we are/ You and me/ I can see us dying...are we?/ I know what you're thinking/ So please stop explaining/ Don't tell me 'cause it hurts/ Don't speak/ I know what you're thinking/ I don't need your reasons/ Don't tell me cause it hurts

Jessie got to the house and was drenched and still in a stupor, realizing that it was really all over. She opened the door solemnly and entered.

"Hi Jessie," Lily said, cheerily walking in from the kitchen. "You're all wet," she frowned and Jessie gave her a tired expression clearly stating that she didn't want to deal with her. Lily ignored it. "You're going to get sick," she stated.

"I don't care," Jessie said dejectedly as she slumped upstairs to her attic, leaving a worried Lily staring after her.

She was about to open the door to the attic, but Grace popped her head out of her room to see Jessie. Grace came out of her room. "What happened?" She asked, forcing Jessie to stop in her tracks and go rigid, but not face her. Grace noticed that, even from behind, Jessie looked like crap. "Are you all right?" She asked, concerned.

Jessie felt the tears coming and she forced them back. "Leave me alone! I just want to be alone!" She yelled, startling Grace. Jessie went into her room, shutting her door and shutting everyone out. She crawled under her blankets and finally let herself breakdown. Jessie cried herself to sleep.

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The End

For those of you who were actually reading the story, I have a sequel that I'm working on. No worries :)

Feedback is totally welcome and fully encouraged. E-mail me at rovingchef@msn.com.

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